So, I thought it would be particularly villainous of us to put up a fake job application on Craigslist. So, I posted this:

Looking for Full-Time Assistant for Paperwork and Massages

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Reply to: job-419862325@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-09-11, 3:59PM EDTWeb-Based Business Seeks Motivated, Attractive Assistant to Manage a Chaotic Office. Massage skills required.We sit at our desks all day thinking about new ways to take over the world on the internet, but after a while our backs hurt. First and foremost, we need a full-time assistant that can run errands and manage our office, but we also need her to take care of our backs and necks when necessary.We are trying to save on chiropractor fees and anyone with massage background can help.
Email resume’s and a short description of your abilities to the contact email below.

You couldn’t believe the responses… click continue reading to see them!

Ok, so most of these applicants sent generic cover letters, but everyone had something interesting to say about the “attractive” and “massage” requirements.

Pam talks about her genetic roots:

The massage qualification is a bit trickier, I must admit. Having been raised by a dexterous surgeon (believe it or not, the two terms are not always synonymous), I have mastered the art of giving a decent neck rub, but I have no professional qualifications or testimonials to offer (unless you count my husband, and I’m afraid he’s a bit biased).

Jessica was pissed.. little did she know about our joke:

You call yourself a professional???? Applicant must be ATTRACTIVE, must be able to manage an office, AND rub your sexist back? Hello!!!!!!!!! It’s 2007 you backward chauvinist pig.

Sarah was resourceful:

As for your massage needs, I will get everyone an electric chair cushion/massager like the one I have for my backaches. With the salary being $40,000 to $50,000 a year, I can get everyone a massager with all of the bells and whistles.

Lucy was pretty much the perfect fit:

I’m already a personal assistant for a lady and was a tech for 2 years at a physical Therapist office here in Charlottesville, not sure if I can help, but seems like 2 things I have done or am already doing.

Denise thought her boyfriend would be a good reference:

I can tell you that my boyfriend says that my massage skills are pretty high.

All of these responses are 100% real. Now, why would you apply to a job where they require you to be attractive and have massage skills? Is it all about the money? Are you planning a lawsuit?

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