I NEED A TAN. A hot guy at the gym had to avert his eyes from the astonishing whiteness of my legs yesterday. He walked away squinting, then called his friend and suggested they go catch some rays in the glow of my white-ass legs.
Before the anti-tanners speak up, I just want to say: live and let live! I know it’s bad for my skin. I know it’s shallow. But the placebo effect of thinking I’m getting Vitamin D makes me feel replenished, and the conventional aesthetic associated with tan skin makes me feel confident. Whether those feelings are legitimate or not, it remains a fact that self-tanning lotion makes me smell like a dirty department store dressing room crossed with a dirty indoor pool locker room.
I was first a member of All Around Tan, in Barracks behind the Blockbuster (1924 Arlington Boulevard). It was the only tanning salon here, I thought! When Absolute Tan opened on the corner, I bought a package there (1325 West Main Street). It was more expensive and I sometimes waited for a bed to open, but I appreciated the vigilant sanitation, and I saw results. I’ve not been back since it became Cavalier Tan. Most recently, I bought a package at Caribbean Tan, behind Arch’s in the Ivy shopping center (2216 Ivy Road). They were very strict about limiting my tanning time to under 10 minutes, which I thought would seem more professional if: I didn’t have an easily tanned complexion, it wasn’t obvious that I’d been tanning naturally outdoors, or the message didn’t come with an uncomfortably hard sell for lotions.
Has anyone tried No Lines (344 10th Street NW) or Fastan (1880 Rio Hill Center)? Where else? I want to know about pricing/deals, number of beds, and sanitation!
Popularity: 45% [?]
Tagged as: Charlottesville, Local Business, Questions, Reviews
What is the “conventional aesthetic associated” with tan skin?
That tan people look healthy and attractive.
Bruce, it is very complicated but I will try and work through it:
A big tanned ass trumps a big white ass …. no argument
A medium tanned ass trumps a small white ass IF said medium tanned ass has a pair of large white tits to go with it (known as a Pint-of-Guinness) . A large pair of tanned tits and a small tanned ass is always considered a good hand, unless the tits droop so low that the skin on the underside is still white in which case you can raise them to a tanned medium ass or go for a pair of slightly smaller tanned tits and call (R-I-S-K-Y).
I hope this helps clarify the dermatological minefield of melanin etiquette in our modern society today. And to think we owe it all to Coco Chanel. Lucky she didn’t get cirrhosis of the liver and declare it to be cool or we would all be coloring our limbs in with yellow Sharpies.
Tan hides cellulite, bruises, bumps, zits and other skin & body maladies better then pasty whiteness.
If you’re that shallow.
Which I am, kinda, but I’m not THAT shallow. I only go with the UV exposure from outside doing things. Otherwise, I stick with the Dove “summer glow” lotion which works, but you have to keep using it to STAY tan.
heres what i dont understand: girls do all kinds of things, tanning being one of the main ones, in order to get guys attention. do they really want to be with someone who superficially judges them on how tan their skin is in december, though? Physical attraction is important… don’t get me wrong… but i thought being with someone who appreciates your inner beauty, not the make-up you have on, was the holy grail of the dating game. by “advertising” to the superficial lusters, isnt that just setting yourself up for unfulfillment? what am i missing?
Yeah, I thought girls who are willing to be slaves to a man’s perceived desires were a thing of the past. Guess they aren’t. Sweet!
I go to fastan at Rio Hill, I haven’t been to any other tanning place, and I like Fastan, firnedly service, and they just expanded , and I think doubled their capacity, they have ten or fifteen beds. No hard sell on lotions, but it is a little pricey, unless you let them do a monthly ACH out of your account, and they tell you you can just put it on Pause, but they still charge you 5 bucks every month!
Sanitation and location, parking and convenience of opening hours are tip-top.
I like having a bit of a glow, makes a skinny girl look healthier. Nothing’s better when it’s cold and gross outside to go soak up some rays while listening to your Ipod and pretending you’re at the beach. And 10- 15 min. a week chases away that Season Affected Disorder…
Keep in mind that round-trip ticket to St. Thomas from Richmond costs less than a winter’s worth of tanning salon visits. But then, I’m of the mindset that anything done for vanity ought to be an indulgence. Sitting in a tanning coffin wouldn’t do it for me, cancer and wrinkle risks aside.
Doubt it. $25 gets me like 10 sessions. I’ll probably spend $50 all winter. It only costs $50 to get to St. Thomas? That’s amazing!
And NEWSFLASH: everyone is going to get cancer of something.
And everyone is going to get wrinkles.
bah!! tanning!! fakery!! you are not fooling anyone!! you dont have a healthy glow, YOU ARE ORANGE!!!
this is not directed,necessarily, to any of you here. unless you are orange.
i love, love, LOVE pale skin.
last time i checked, i wasn’t orange.
but keep on drinking that haterade.
I never fit in in California… all those people with tan skin and white teeth. Thats why I moved here, everyone has white skin and tan teeth…
ahem.
sha nay nay– certainly you have seen some of the horrendoucsly fake tanned gals around town? there is a difference between tanning to give yourself a subtle brown glow and slathering on piles of chemicals and spending hours a week in the tanning bed/booth. i dont hate on the orange gals– i feel bad for them. i feel bad for any woman who thinks she needs to spend time and money on making herself look like something she’s not. dont get me wrong– i put on foundation and mascara in the morning, but i dont dye my skin unnatural colors in a VAIN attempt to look sunkissed.
can ya dig?
I’m a big fan of the super-light lotions by Dove and Jergens which give you a little color, but aren’t really tanning lotions. Particularly in winter, I go for full-body moisturizing. It’s just a nice, added bonus to get a very slight bit of color along the way. Especially given that, without it, I could challenge lilith to a white skin blinding match.
I’m with HH - I kinda dig on the pale skin. Makes those black thigh-highs really stand out…
OMG oy… I swear I have never wanted you more.. talk teeth on nylon with me and I am DONE FOR THE NIGHT.
Thor/Lilith can we set up some cyber-rooms at a discount rate… as long as the patrons wipe the screen down and use pop-up blockers, I think it could be a money spinner.
Ha!
ThatGrrl, you don’t think the light lotions still have that chemical smell about them? I think I’m paranoid (great Garbage song lyrics right there) because I don’t want to be in the same room as me when I apply them. If you think I’m okay, I’ll press on.
nay nay is not orange. Women who tan occasionally are not orange. I think we all know the difference between a Kappa Oompa Loompda and a woman who’s a little happier when she can’t see her own cellulite, and yes that is true that tans hide it. The difference is HUGE.
Lilith, the first lotions did have that AWFUL smell. Try the Jergen’s one. The “now, with an actually pleasant smell!” version has been out for long enough that I’m pretty sure all the yucky, first-run batch is gone from the shelves. It was pretty terrible (like all the rest) to begin with; the newer version really is a vast improvement.
I don’t go near women with tans outside of summer. They are usually too high maintenance, not to mention prone to looking like dried prunes in their later years.
hipster-doofus, you out there?
I am really, really, really pale.
*sigh*
Oh wait. I don’t mind it!
Sha nay nay, I was using “winter” in the sense of “months when you can’t get a tan naturally in Charlottesville.” $50 in tanning salon visits keeps you glowing October through April? Seriously, I’m impressed. My skin couldn’t do that!
Sure everyone is going to get wrinkles. Everyone is going to get cancer of something? No.
I love the tanning goggles and nipple shields. Gotta keep that 0.003% of the body from burning at all costs. I bet you a beer the carrot girls around town put on the goggles and nipshields, but nothing on their hey-nanner-nanner.
Beta karotine! Yippee hooray!
We’ll see if anyone gets tanned up before the meetup tomorrow.
White and pasty is a small price to pay to avoid skin cancer. At least, that’s what I keep telling myself.
If I had to describe, using three words, the sum total of my life’s goals, “teeth on nylon” would probably be those three words…
good lord, on the eve of bruce tix going on sale you post this bastardization of blinded by the light.
Cavalier Tan is the best bang for your buck I think. The Fastan at Rio is expensive and not worth it, plus they push that smelly spray on shit that is really gross. Like nay nay said, for 50$ in the winter you can keep that slight glow and refresh yourself with a little vitamin D. Plus its so relaxing in the bed itself. Oh, to keep your tan longer and spend lots less, use lotion at home before, and moisturize lots after and all winter. Works I promise. (don’t buy their expensive tanning stuff…..doesn’t do anything special)
Cancer cures everything.
for some reason, I’m hearing Cindi Lauper singing this over and over and over. My brain hates me.
Oy-Let’s replace it with this:
“I love you-You love me-We’re a happy family-with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you…. won’t you say you love me too?”
Yes it’s THE BARNEY SONG … try getting that prehistoric purple bastard out of your head.
Oh and death cures cancer so chill out.
your cruelty only makes me love you the more.
Hmmm… Oy in a big purple dinosaur suit knockin boots in lock up with floozy in her prison orange… Its like some sort of pornographic pene-tertiary hallucination, this purple penal colony of citrus juices! And y’all heckle me for my bea arthur doll.
And once again, Rule 34. Always true.
/just google it.
I can’t remember where I heard it, but here is the Anti-Barney Song:
I hate you.
You hate me.
Let’s go out and kill Bar-ney.
With an AK-47, shoot him in the head!
That little dinosaur’ll soon be dead.
I have weird friends.
ThatGrrl… Love it! I have a terrible version of Bohemian Rhapsody somewhere… I must unearth it for your weird friends.
Oy… Does this declaration of love mean you will stay true to me tonight, and spurn the advances of Caroline who has earmarked you for some 4-way action boy/girl tonight ? It would mean a lot to me to think that you are saving yourself for me, as I am taking a large one up the crapper tonight from Big Bob “The Knob” Shiflett-Morris.
B-yo… one of the few who know about Rule 34. You continue to impress me…. I am mentally tweaking your overly sensitive nipples as a cyber-reward.
floozy i can share darlin!
Do you really want me to start out our relationship by telling you a lie?
Rule 34 will rape your childhood, your dreams and your imagination. My understanding of the true depth of Rule 34 was when I happened to end up watching a two minute porn clip of three overweight men dressed in latex pterodactyl suits enjoying the fellaciotic endeavors of a semi clad cave woman. There enjoyment was displayed by vigorous flapping of their very penguin like wings. As a bonus, the short scene was interspersed with close ups of pteradactyl puppet heads doing what I can only imagine were reptilian mating calls. God I love the internet. Very funny. Only trouble is, now I can’t get off on anything else. Ah well. So it goes.
And damn oy! Go on with your big pimpin ass! I hope your bustin out your fur hat tonight, yo! Holla atta boy!
And dang oy, brush your damn shoulders off with your big pimpin ass.