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Is it really more diificult for women to find a good man in this town?
Do men really have it made?
Who has the upper hand when it comes to dating?
Who has the biggest challenge when it comes time to finding a real relationship?
Is it easier or harder finding a date or relationship if your gay? What if you’re a lesbian?
And where does one go or not go to find that someone special? (I mean for a relationship, not hook-up although that’s a fine thing to discuss too.)
Popularity: 5% [?]
Tagged as: Activities, Real Life, Singles Scene
Alot of people in this town want some kind of relationship for “right now”, and somehow think they are desperate, so they happily use people, knowing that they’ll dump these people when their situation improves.
I’d like to think there’s an alternative to meeting someone in a bar in this town, but then maybe the right bar isn’t such a bad place after all? I’m thinking about kick-ball or softball in the spring as a good place to meet people in general, I think thats the key, go somewhere you’re comfortable and can have fun, and you’re more likely to attract the person you’re looking for. Go out focused on finding the love of your life and you’ll probably be disappointed.
As I’ve said before, the women in this town are awesome, and they make it a pleasure to live here.
Some people swear that grocery stores are the place to meet, if you can get into that first introduction.
as a single gal, i did all sorts of match.com type things and really enjoyed meeting lots of different, very interesting people - all of whom i felt like i wouldn’t have met had i not used a tool like that. part of what made it work so well for me was always meeting the guys in the same place - somewhere i felt comfortable and relaxed. as nice as it was mtg all those men - the one i ended up with i actually met when he worked on my car! relationships can hide behind any meeting, planned or otherwise. my advice is to keep you heart open and concentrate on yourself - rather then searching for that other person. the best stuff comes when you are not looking for it!
Ya, go out have fun and if the ladies come, then that’s just part of the fun.
Don’t go looking for ladies.. they have a customized ESP which spots desperation from miles away.
Ed Ho: I’m sorry you’ve met so many selfish people who have wasted your time. I’ve met some, too. Sometimes, it takes some time to figure out that we’re not meant for happily ever after, and sometimes, I have to call the guy out and tell him, “You’re not that into me.” I said those exact words about two years ago, and the guy said, “Yeah… I just don’t feel fireworks. But my friends think you’re really cool and like having you around.” It was actually really cute
hoodatbe: I like match.com, too, but there aren’t a ton of people on it in this city. It’s too bad. And the profiles I perused, I knew the guys already. Great for newcomers to Cville. Online dating is apparently on the decline, but I hope it doesn’t have to do with the stigma. I always say it’s the same and opposite as meeting in a bar.
Match.com = Person 1 interested in Person 2 based on compatibility with “what’s on paper” -> Meet -> Chemistry and attraction?
Bar = Person 1 interested in Person 2 based on chemistry and attraction -> Get to know each other -> Compatibility with “what’s on paper”
Hipster and hoodatbe have it sooo right. Best way to meet someone is to just be yourself. Don’t make it a focus. Have fun doing things you have a great time doing. You’ll be more likely to meet someone with a common interest. If not, at least you’re doing something you actually like to do! And be open to lightning striking in weird places. This is a pretty cool town. You’ll meet really cool people in all walks of life. Try not to have a predetermined “perfect” person in mind and allow for the suprises that life throws your way!
All this advice is well meaning, but it hasn’t addressed Silmo’s primary question - are there more single guys or girls out “on the scene” in Charlottesville or are both genders equally screwed? Is there a local statistic out there about single populations by gender between the ages of 24 and 40 that we could tap into - it would be interesting to find out who really does have the upper hand in this town.
I think there are more single guys who go out to bars and the like. At least I always think that as long as there are other guys around.
There are undiscovered goldmines, Silmo. There are so many people in this city! I’m pretty sure I don’t know most of you.
Let me just clarify: This isn’t a bitch-post or a cry for help. Just think its a provocative topic
My women friends often say how diificult it is to meet good guys in this town. Cute guys, sure. One night stand guys, duh. But all the good men are either taken or gay. (To which I answer: “uhhh well I’m not taken and I’m not gay sooo …?” To which they say, “You don’t count b/c you’re our friend.” Can’t argue with that.)
But I gotta ask, Where are these mystery women. From my perspective, I ain’t feeling like I have any great statistical advantage. Fact is, when as I as a guy in my thirties look around the room/office/rehab all I see are (1) attractive women in their 20’s (too young) and (2) attractive women in their 30’s who are all ringed-up (married or enaged).
So really, what do you love/hate about the singles you meet?
I would venture to say there are more single women. The women may not go out as much, but they are still around (and single). I am not sure online would be the ideal way to meet someone due to the lack of immediate chemistry. There are just times people click. Maybe you will even “just click” with someone you never thought you would be compatible with. I guess I just think of online dating as limiting your options. As an added bonus you can try new places/activities in Charlottesville (and of course come here and tell us all about them).
I would also like to add that comment #5 is dead on. Desperation will get you boys nowhere.
I think that part of the problem might be the difference in how men and women go out. Men seem to have less of a problem going out alone than women do. If women are more reliant on a group, or at least one other friend, for going out, stands to reason that they’ll go out less often. Cracking open a group of women to get to one of them is not an easy thing to do, either. Makes it that much harder on a guy, I’d imagine. Might also skew your viewpoint of how many women are out and available. “Well, I’ll never get to her, so she might as well be invisible.”
That said, I’m not sure that either side has an actual advantage. Looking out on the town on a Saturday night, there may appear to be an advantage, one way or the other. But I sort of doubt it is a true reflection of the numbers in this city, which seem pretty equal to me during a normal day around here.
I’d guess that it likely varies in about 10 year age blocks, too. Right out of college or grad school in one’s 20’s, probably decent numbers and availability. In the 30’s, more folks married and off the market leads to lower availability. By the 40’s, more folks are divorced and back on the market; rebounding numbers and availability. No statistics at all to back me up on any of this. Just a gut feeling. Anyone with numbers, feel free to correct me!
I don’t know - in terms of young professionals, I wonder if there is an age difference in when people come to Charlottesville who aren’t from here or who never left. The vast majority that I know come after they are already married (to do the family thing), but I wouldn’t be surprised if there was an age difference for singles.
In my experience, it seems like most people move here because they want to live here, not because of the amazing job offers (exceptions would be architects, grad students and doctors), so are women or men more likely to move for quality of life issues (and at what age)?
Also, I’m pretty sure there are more men in graduate school than women, so that would increase their 24-35 population.
Here are some 2006 demographics for C’ville, courtesy of The Weldon Cooper Center:
Age Cat Total Male Female % Male % Female
18-24 10,171 4,754 5,417 47% 53%
25-34 6,385 3,148 3,237 49% 51%
35-44 4,801 2,301 2,500 48% 52%
45-54 4,284 2,053 2,231 48% 52%
UVA’s student population doesn’t figure into any of this; it is strictly the permanent townie population.
As you can see, females outnumber males in all age groups. The disparity is highest in the 18-24 category, although the big difference is 18-19 year olds: waaay more females for those two years, for some unexplained reason.
Also note how significant the drop in size is by age category. If you were a 50 year-old female and looking for someone to date, there were 2000 men close to your age before eliminating those who were gay or married. If you assume 60% are “off the market”, so to speak, then there were 800 men left for you to meet. Numbers-wise, you’re much better off if you’re in your early twenties. But it only takes that special *one*, right?!
Thanks, minty! Which also means that the older you are, the more likely the statistics are accurate. College and grad school numbers are really only going to be statistically relevant for the lower age groupings. If you are in the older groupings, you are more accurately SOL as a chick.
Minty, if you’re feeling spry (or bored), how does it all change if you figure in Albemarle County numbers? Not that you have to crunch the numbers; just if you are so inclined.
fun convo… I think there are more attractive gals then guys.
However, bc they are all circling around the same small pool of guys it brings the worst out in them thereby negating their attractiveness.
Girls are a little crazy in my experience and I saw my share of folks totally degrading themselves for attention - and often with guys that were NOT available anyway.
I hope my circumstances were unique, but honestly it made me sick.
Again, just my experience. IMO the circles are small and not very appealing. Thank god for folks moving to town I guess. And agree with all the comments about getting out to different settings that involve your interests. Parties are good too for the slight pre-screening they can provide.
I’ll do it just for you, ThatGrrl!
Here are the figures for Albemarle County:
Age Cat Total Male Female % Male % Female
18-24 11,550 5,805 5,745 50% 50%
25-34 10,446 5,137 5,309 49% 51%
35-44 12,237 5,743 6,493 47% 53%
45-54 14,141 6,767 7,374 48% 52%
If you consider Charlottesville/Albemarle to be your dating territory your pool of prospects will be much higher. There is still a pretty large disparity in the 34-44 age group, with females outnumbering males by 12%.
The size of the age groups in Albemarle gets larger as the population ages. This is evidence that the youngsters are calling the city home and more people move to the non-urban areas as they get older. Forest Lakes, anyone? I doubt many twentysomethings A) want to live out there and B) have the cake to buy a house out there. And I think it’s probably hard to have a family in a historic (and cramped) single-family home near downtown when you need more room for the kids, toys etc.
Minty, mind if I take some of your analysis, make it pretty and add some pictures for a post?
Do it! Numbers are our friends.
I think you are probably right about where people live, relative to age, and why, minty. Makes a lot of sense. Interesting that the ratios aren’t terribly different, county to city/male to female. I’d also imagine that the county numbers are much less affected by UVA. Sure, you probably get some married grad students camping out in the county for the duration, but in general, I’d think the county is largely comprised of permanent population.
Thanks for checking the numbers, minty!
Minty - this rocks!
Relevant map from February’s National Geographic.
i was having this discussion the other day with a friend…
we agreed that non-student males in their early 20s have it much harder.
1) we have lost our built-in social network (college)
2) we cant date college women because they are too young
3) women our age who are single are much more interested in slightly older guys who are already successful and potential sugar daddies. NOT THAT ALL SINGLE 20 YO FEMALES ARE GOLD DIGGERS! but come on… older guys want younger ladies and all things being equal, older guys have more to offer
4) most women slightly older are already engaged or married.
5) cougars dont do much for me
are we onto something or am i just being a self-pitying fool?
oops… should read: NOT THAT ALL SINGLE 20-SOMETHING FEMALES ARE GOLD DIGGERS
the best advice i can give you is to abandon all hope and stop caring. all of a sudden you’ll have more women than you know what to do with! of course they’ll all be certifiably insane and starved for validation, but there will be a lot of them.
this is actually terrible advice. forget i said anything.
Indie - Your never too old to date college women
Actually while age is important for a relationship (it gives you a common reference point) it has much more to do with experience, where you’re at in your life, and your emotional age. I’d also say that being comfortable with yourself and where you’re at is key. If you don’t think you have much to offer neither will they. Of course I have had some of my “funnest” relationship with women who are absolutely off their rocker, insane. I wouldn’t go back to that period again, but if you’re going to go there, go there now.
- Dr. Phil
I can’t believe that I - of all people - am responsible for this mature and emotionally validating thread. When I wa younger (by about 4 days) all I could talk about was toilets and blow up dolls, and now I’m all mature and shit. Anyone what to talk about their prostate problems?
Silmo, I am really disappointed…
Ya I get that a lot from women
badoom boom
Hey Sil, it looks like it is just you and me?
I guess the others are updating their resumes in anticipation of their villain-related pink slips. What a shame
I’m hanging around as well… this is really gonna piss Ethan off
I dont really care, freedom of speech is all…I am dribling to bed don’t you dare going out to have fun without me again!
Are y’all coming to the purple party on new years?
I’m a little disappointed that no one had any actual suggestions of where all the cute single women are hanging out these days, or even reviews of places that they might be hiding, like X-Lounge’s ladies night. 10 Lilith spoke of goldmines, but apparently she’s guarding these? I’m sure the ladies out there want to know where
all the single guys are[I’m] hanging out too?anyone been to X’s tuesday night babefest?
Off to bed at 8? is that where all the cute girls are? tucked in by the time I go out?
If this is a real party, I’d even pony up a half-keg of something tasty… Does BEER RUN have kegs by the way? Didn’t ask when I was in there…
Well I’ll be happy to throw a real party if I could just get a gauge on how many people would seriously interested….Damn thid takes me back to the good old days…I could make some comments about the tucked in, in bed, but I’ll refrain.
You get enough interest to make it happen and, yeah, I’d come.
Have a party. I’ll keep track of who wants in. I’ll creat an e-mail account just for the occassion and post it here. Interested villains will be asked to rsvp from the e-mail account they use to post (to be sure they are real villains and not just lurkers) then we’ll e-mail them with the deets. Easy.
we appear to have a quorum again… should the committee to plan the cVillain New Years party come to order?
Silmo, some villains use fake or non-existent emails, ex.: ‘noemail@gmail.com’
coffee….all the good looking single women are hangin’ in the coffee shop.
are you shamelessly self-promoting again caroline
or do you mean one here locally?
shameless self promotion.
This town is teeming with SHORT men. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gone on a Match.com type date with a guy claiming to be 5′11″ and when he shows up, he’s 5′9″ at best. Go to Fridays after 5 or some other festival-type event in this town and scan the crowd and I can guarantee you that 80% of the guys are under 5′10″.
but seriously, if you don’t want to meet chicks in bars try any of the coffeeshops, start a conversation in line, and keep going back every so often to “bump” into her again….just don’t stalk.
you take all the fun out of it…
I still think rehabs the place to go
picking up chicks at funerals too classy for you?
hip - I think they can manage to sign up for a yahoo account. Plus the more hoops people have to jump through to get to this party the more fun it’ll be. I’ll rely on you to recruit your favorite villainetts
Stalking is so much more fun. I like walking up to a girl and smelling her hair. But you have to be obvious when you smell her hair, because you want to creep her out.
No I just don’t like wearing a suit
are you leaning in for a whiff Ethan? Or grabbing a clump and bringing it to you?
two0four, do you have a suitable location for this proposed get-together? you’re not living in a porta-john next to some construction site, are you?
I did have this great plan of meeting my future girlfriend through couples therapy. I figured - you know - a therapit would best know who’d I be compatable with AND as things progressed, we’d already be be hooked up with professional care
I ran this past a therapist, and unfortunately - and to my surprise - this is not how couple’s therapy works. I mean WTF. Are you kidding me, this could be a killer line of work for somebody
And where on her is this hair located you sick fuck
I’m happy to work the villainette angle, may invite a lurker girl or two as well..
ethan, it works for you cause you aRE creepy, bro.
but I would sniff your hair silmo and hip
oh shit, there I go again, should we be IM’ing you guys?
screw ethan, honey. (not meant as instructions)
I’m gonna e-mail you a pic or two caroline, just to see if you remember me from the old days.
i’m going to check my email….
are you hot?
relax ethan, I’m just kidding..
c - deal. I may even go to the hackensaws to cash in … assuming by some set of unimaginable events we don’t all find ourselves ringing in the new year at 2oh4’s
At least I don’t flirt with everything on the internet that has a cooch, unlike some people.
everything on the internet seems to flirt back, Ethan, and if you’re the only one complaining, well forgive me if I don’t see the problem?
all sent Caroline
I don’t remember you having all of those spots hipster?!?!
silm you funny man
he’s a little more memorable than me, cutie isn’t he?
yep. totally cute.
now as Lil would say
waawaawa-waa
but I’m giggling because we annoy ethan….
Ahhh I’m all mushy inside
you might want to have a doctor look at that, silmo?
if there’s a doctors’ convention in Scranton, I will definetely have it checked out
So I live in a porta potty, okay, so what. It happens to be a 4500 square foot porta potty, but you shouldn’t be discriminating against people just because they dwell in bathroom facilities.
Sil email me, I like the idea of the many hoops to purple party and I will need some help making the list (I have already started it), and H-D I am counting on the half keg.
Alright it is on, the purple train has left the station.
two, i gotta pee, can I come over?
2 statistical matters:
*Belle - I’ve read that the average American male height is 5′8 (avg female height 5′4). Perhaps your expectations are too high, inky balinky longlegs? =)
*I’ve also read population stats for the area that included marital status. I don’t have them in front of me, but I remember that they showed that for younger adults, there were more single men than single women. For mid to older adults, it flipped: there are more single women than men.
Here’s my theory for this trend: more women than men graduate high school here and end up leaving. That leaves an imbalance of young men here. The people who move here are attracted by the great family life, and are mostly young couples with children (or about to have children). Which explains what some people see as a lack of a vibrant 25-35 singles scene here, because most in that age group are married. Then when divorces happen for the 35-and-ups, it’s the men who leave, and the women (with the kids) who stay, explaining the imbalance toward single women in the over-40 group.
So I would say that, population-wise, younger women and older men have it “easier” in that they are outnumbered by potential hetero mates. But stats got nothin’ on skillz. A playa can play no matter the odds. =)
Fascinating…just looked up basic Census info from 2000:
79% of County residents who are widowed are women.
62% of County residents who are divorced are women.
80% of City residents who are widowed are women.
61% of City residents who are divorced are women.
This helps show how there are more single older women than single older men.
So basically…young dudes, if you like MILFs, you’re in heaven here.
Regarding gay dating (I’m bi): 216 is an amazing resource for a town this size. I feel spoiled cuz I grew up with it. But other places, even bigger towns, don’t have that kinda place. But! In 216 I keep running into the same people. When I want to meet new gay girls, it’s actually more effective to hang around UVA grad student gatherings, especially in the GSAS. Why all my lovely Lesbonauts end up in liberal arts, I don’t know, but I’ll take ‘em. We need you in the sciences, gals!