These are almost all real.

Before you date me, read this…

There was the most beautiful sunset here in Indiana last evening. Would the California fires have anything to do with that?â

Probably. But hey the Indianians probably give the Californians water, so they can live in a desert; it’s a fair tradeoff. How can you be talking to me from Indiana if you are sitting across the table? I’m confused.

Which is the best hearing aid? Why are there so many different ones, and are the ones that allow you to hear others’ conversations across the room legal?

No clue. I assume as long as you are talking in a public space, listening to your conversation is legal. How do you think I get half my gossip about Charlottesville?

“What is your criteria for purchasing hand soap, and why?

Purchasing for myself or a lady? If it’s for myself I usually go for generic brand of germ killing squirting bottle. If it’s for a lady, I find a boutique and smell away. The better it smells and the more fancy the box is, the better.

Do you have any issues from your childhood you haven’t worked out yet?

Once, when I was really, really young, I distinctly remember being able to fly. It was only for a few moments, but it was amazing. To this day I wonder why I am still convinced of that experience.

Dog food, cat food, or fish food?”

I once ate dog food which I assume tastes very similar to cat food. But colored flakes of nutritional paper? Gross.

I noticed on your Facebook profile that you have bad taste in literature. Do you think you can improve that?

That’s pretty strange you’ve read my facebook profile considering it’s private. How did you read it? [Assume mutual friend] Oh, ok. Well, I read more blogs than anything now. You really don’t like Nick Hornby? Why is that?

Do you sweat less than, as much as, or more than most people at the gym?

Probably more, because I actually go there to workout. It’s gross. Sometimes I drip so much that I have to wipeoff the puddles beneath the machines.

Is your mom hot?

Yes, she used to be a professional athlete. I got bugged all the time in school about this one.

Which member of the cast of Baywatch do you most relate to, and why?

Obviously, David Hasselhoff. Duh.  :) He’s a sexy dude with an attitude.

You know what they say about hand size and foot size is that true for you?

Oh please, everyone already knows about a nordic God of Thunder.

Would it bother you if I corrected your grammar?

No, people do it all the time. But, I will have a grammar war with you if you want to start that game.

If I asked you to steal our napkin rings, would you do it? For me?

No. Thinking: Time to ignore your wishes and make you mad.

If a genie appeared and gave you three wishes but told you they had to be wishes for things you would change about my personality, what would they be?

Sorry, that’s not a good question for any woman to hear the answer to.

Which of your friends do you think is the most shallow? Coworkers?

N/A

What is your least favorite quality about yourself? Can you give an example?

My hands are ENORMOUS. .. Remember the other question?

On a scale of one to ten, how porny do you think you are in bed?

Thinking: Hard to say, considering you are a virtual, non-existent person. If I thought you were lame in bed, do you think I would be on a date with you?

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