First, it was a texting ban, now it’s a ban on Truck Nuts. Truck nuts are those fake balls that hang from the back of your trailer hitch and attract unsuspecting ladies to your “ride.” Now, a politician is trying to get rid of them for good.
Lionell Spruill explains:
It comes to a point where there are certain things you just can’t do. And putting testicles on the back of a truck is just too much. So I am trying to stop it
WHEN USING THE HITCH HANGER, IT IS BEST TO USE A THREADLOCKER ADHESIVE, PEOPLE WILL STEAL YOUR BALLS.
I can see how these things are dangerous. WTKR explains a congressman wants to ban all car accessories that look like genitalia. What about antennae? Hell, some cars look like genitalia (think BMW Hard Top z3). Do we ban those as well?
Popularity: 8% [?]
Tagged as: Government, Gripes, Humor, Politicians, Politics, Virginia
Thor, that is awesome!
I saw one of those on a truck up in Fredericksburg and it took me a few seconds to process what I was looking at…then I lost it.
Imagine how many women look at a dude that has those on his truck and think, “Wow, I’d love to date a guy who puts testicles on the hitch of his truck! What a catch!”
BTW, the ones I saw had what I could only describe as, “realistic sway.”
Too funny.
“Yeah, I definitely think those should be outlawed. I don’t approve of that,” says one local woman we talked to.
*sigh*
Yo with offspring in tow were cruising behing abig ass man wagon Ford 8 billion dually whatever, and said vehicle had chrome bumper nuts. I had seen them before, but not so the villianlings. So, I pointed them out. Mass hysteria ensued, as they had never concieved of anything so stupid. Since the back window was obscured by one of those ‘Merkin Flag window shades (of course), they smaller yo’s begged and implored me to pull along side the man wagon so we could see the driver (they inherited my curiosity). It took some tricky manuevering, but finally managed to pull my little kleenex box up next to this rampaging stud of a car. WEDGED into the driver cab of this Canyonero was a giant mass of pudding of a man… high speed innaccurate estimate of 450+ lbs. easy. To which the older of the offspring exclaimed after bursting into gails of laughter… “So thats why he has those, its been so long since he’s seen his own!” Cracked my shit up and I almost crashed.
So yes they are dangerous and I say ban ‘em. I almost wrecked once whilst trying to put a face on such a ridiculous ornament, and the again when I laughhed so hard at him and the ensuing commentary.
I hope Lionell Spruill has the, well, balls to push this legislation through.
It’s sad that we as modern human beings have to consider saying “hey, please don’t put genitals on your motor vehicle, subjecting anyone unfortunate enough to be behind you to graphic swaying balls.” It’s not realistic to ban them, free “speech” and all, but it’s pretty much disgusting.
Once I saw an electric blue cadillac with matching BLUE BALLS. I mean, what is that even saying?
Don’t outlaw the nuts. outlaw the idiots who put the nuts on trucks
/ ethan, lagrape, evanstar = I am ready to be told I am an elitist
B-yo… Canyonero! yes!
They sway? They realistically sway? I’m sorry, but those sound awesomely stupid. I would love to hear what a cop would say to you, if this became law.
Cop: “Do you know why I pulled you over?”
Driver: “Um, not really, sir.”
Cop: “Your truck has illegal balls, son. Big, fat, swingin’ balls. I’m gonna have to fine you for that.”
Do you think I could get a set of chrome beef curtains to use as a hood ornament. Probably custom order but worth it.
“Once I saw an electric blue cadillac with matching BLUE BALLS. I mean, what is that even saying?”
He’s saying he loves the ladies, but he doesn’t give them his precious bodily fluids
Floozy… haha! Chrome beef curtains…
Truck nuts are dumb, yes, but then again so are over half of the people in this country (remember 2004?).
I say don’t outlaw them on principle. You should be free to decorate your idiotic gas-guzzling hummer however you like.
first vonnegut and now dr. strangelove… love it, icenine!
Silmo, I’m with you on this, but it’s hard to outlaw bad taste.
Thanks, mc
i’m willing to bet there’s a good amount of overlap between people who do this and the people flooze was talking about at the ol’ buffet.
honestly, only in america…
I think you are right, Buster
Slut mobile?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4aD4Gxgx7RA&search=tom%20green
just waiting for some rapper to come out with a little ditty about ghost riding your nutz….
I hope that was a joke.
Silm I so agree with you, it’s the idiots with the hummers and the hangin’ balls we should be worried about.
Open-minded students everywhere owe a debt of gratitude to Abercrombie & Fitch. Not since Hester Prynne has an embroidered “A” been such a clear indication of whom to avoid.
- Michael Daniels, in a letter to Rolling Stone, 99-11-25
You also won’t be allowed to steal a cat. I have to follow this stupid legislature for my work so I have to keep up on their asinine proposed legislation. I just thought I’d throw a pussy comment out there to balance the balls.
HB 334 Cats; Class 5 felony to steal.
Jennifer L. McClellan | all patrons
Crimes; larceny of certain animals.� Makes it a Class 5 felony to steal a cat.
01/04/08 House: Prefiled and ordered printed; offered 01/09/08 086943624 (impact statement) (My comment: there’s an impact statement)
Status:
01/04/08 House: Prefiled and ordered printed; offered 01/09/08 086943624
01/04/08 House: Referred to Committee for Courts of Justice
01/10/08 House: Assigned Courts sub: Criminal
A felony mind you. Those damn cat burglars.
Where do cougars fit in to the picture?
Damn lil, you can cougar me any time, except… wait… Im old.
So some of you are ok with outlawing smoking and eating cheeseburgers in the privacy of your own home (to “protect the children,” naturally) but think it’s ok that those very same children should have no choice but to see graphically correct (though larger-than-life) testicles in public? Why not have penis hood ornaments and vagina bumpers? Or even better: anus bumpers! That would liven up your next ‘rear-ender’ on 29N, wouldn’t it? [/snark]
Seriously, what’s wrong with a little public decorum? The real shame is that something like this needs to be legislated.
Bingley, where are the comments sayin’ “leave the hangin’ testicles!”, it seems like everyone here thinks they are pretty idiotic. I think we’re with you on the public decorum, except you left out that Hummers should be outlawed also.
caroline, it seems to me that thor in his post feels that banning them is a bad idea; #1 thinks they’re ‘awesome’; #2 let’s out a sadly despondent *sigh* whilst quoting a lady who wants them banned; and so on. Most of the comments are ‘idiotic but leave ‘em hanging’, in fact.
Caroline is right; you can’t count what Thor (or anyone) says inthe main post. It’s the comments that count.
Vagina bumber could lead to tail gating
Yes I am meaningless
Thor… stamp this rebellious upstartish behaviour out now, or we will have to get Supernanny in with The Naughty Chair.
thanks silm. #28 classic.
To be fair to the rednecks (I assume, not judge), I believe they are supposed to represent bull’s testy satchels.
bings doesn’t know that no one pays attention to Thor yet. Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain.
ThatBoy posited that bumper nuts were actually trophies being displayed by divorced women. Ouch.
Thor, you could never be meaningless! You post, therefore you are.
RE Supernanny…I actually DVR’d it for my kids last night… now I know why the chinese are going to take over this country. This woman had 5 kids and hauled their little asses to 80…yes 80 after school activities a week . Piano, ballet, creative writing, drums,skating,chinese language arts, tutoring… blah blah blah. I was fucking exhausted just watching 15 minutes of it.
Sil…
‘Vagina bumber could lead to tail gating’
Was that a Freudian spelling slip?
wife swap was better….
thor i heart you.
Floozy… I think we are from the same school of parenting.
a la post 19, I kinda appreciate a visual queue that says “you and i are probably not going to get along.” Of course, the big ass truck probably would have been enough, so think of the balls as an insurance policy against being subjected to my company.
Some things can be done ironically, but this crosses that line (better known as “that’s hillarious and all, but you actually paid for those? really?”).
Parenting?hahaha. I don’t parent… I cope. A good day is one where I didn’t have to perform a quick Heimlich to retrieve a Barbie shoe from a esophagus, or stem arterial bleeding with duct tape.
Lys i heart you
Mine are older (12 & 15) so its a bit easier.
Lys: That sign for me is the sticker of Calvin (of Calvin and Hobbes) kneeling down before the cross.
Oooof, says I. Heretic.
This could turn into a fun list (like Lilith’s dating deal breakers) - what other absurd signs of “self expression” make you crazy? Especially car-related, as there is just something about bumper stickers that generally make me want to flag people off the road and scream “no one cares what you think!!!” but that could just be the rage talking again.
Anyone that still has a “W” sticker. Still.
That stupid fish.
Any self-agrandizing, accusatory Pro-Life bumpersticker. Hate those. Why is that a subject to be discussed on a person’s car, anyway?
Clichéd new-agey affirmations kill me too.
Also: Eleventy-biliion stuffed animals or baseball caps on the back lid behind the glass.
I saw a bumpersticker at Cha Cha’s which says, “I am the father of your honor roll student.”
I’m stuck in Bible country (only it’s a city much larger than C-ville) Jesus stickers everywhere…
I love a good challenge.
50 = ha ha ha funny
C- maybe you should get bumber sticker that says “God is my sex partner”
UVA stickers tend to annoy, particularly the those that say, “Wahoo”
I’d like a bumber sticker that said, “FuckHoo”
silm, aweshhome.
Sil WTF is a bumber?
Wah! Hoo cares?
It’s a bumper you damn foreigner
bings doesn’t know that no one pays attention to Thor yet.
When I see Thor wielding that big honking hammer I pay attention!
My favorite bumper sticker was “My child was inmate of the month at Rahway state Prison.”
excellent Mr B
national statistics show 8 out of 10 women are battered
and i’ve been eating mine plain all this time
bumper sticker
Funny Bates… or can I call you Master Bates
badum bum! Come see Floozy on Tuesdays at 9 at the assisted living facility in Belmont. Two drink minimum. I’m her agent.
@C FUNNNNNY
I’m being pimped out? Cool. Hop skip and a lurch over to Byo’s afterwards for a nightcap and to play Star Wars karaoke on his breathing machine that he doesn’t have but should.
LOL bates - nice one! my favorite (torn off by a jerk who sideswiped me while i was parked) was “eschew obfuscation”
i dislike most of the UVA stickers (even though i have one proclaiming my status as an alumna; i insist that it is tasteful), but the absolute worst one is the one simply saying “THE UNIVERSITY”. how unbelievably pretentious. i always want to crawl on their back window and scribble in sharpie “OF WHAT?!”
i really loved basketball games in university hall because it seemed so stuffy for the players to be running all over a court bearing TJ’s signature. now it’s just the ho-hum ACC logo. laaaame.
I used to hate UVA stickers until I moved to Lynchburg and everyone is an effing Hokie down here. I display one proudly now just to piss people off.
my favorite bumper sticker:
“Women at VMI? What next, men at UVA?”
i would say at this juncture Master Bates would be appropriate Flooz
Did you type that with one hand Master B?
mornin’ flooze
Hey Chick
i only have one hand, the other wore off
flooze, are you LM?
C… no… should I be?
why did you ask if I knew her?
Just.
huh? Do you know me flooze?
Now you’re sounding all panicky LOL.
no, not panicky everyone knows me ‘cept you.
floozy don’t leave me hangin’ biatch.
HAHAHAHA… now I’ve got 2 of you at me.
I’m off out to get my car… BBL
Folks…. Stand Up For Your Rights!
Regardless of what you feel about our products, each of you should stand up for your rights. The biggest complaint I have heard from the legislators who want to ban these products (in Virginia and in Maryland) are that mom’s and dad’s don’t want to have to explain to the kids “what those things are hanging from the back of that truck”. The problem isn’t what the kids are seeing, the real problem is this new era of parents who think they have to shelter their kids from everything, primarily because they are too damned lazy to be REAL PARENTS and explain to their children exactly what those things are. If you dont like them, then explain to your children that mom and dad dont necessarily agree with what that person is doing but this is AMERICA and they have their right to do it.
And to the parents who dont want to be real parents, then keep watching your Dr. Phil and Oprah shows and continue to blame everyone else for your lack of parenting skills!