If Miss Manners were here, she would bitch-slap this city for the misconduct I witnessed this weekend!
Unless you have established mutual interest (as in, you’ve already kissed), never, ever, evereverever put your hand on a woman’s waist to talk to her. You can lightly touch her hand or her forearm, and if she pulls back, take the hint.
Spills happen. But spills on a person are usually avoidable. Please watch your drink when you’re in a crowd, especially when it’s full and sloshing, especially when you’re next to someone in formal attire. The guiltiest glasses are martini glasses, champagne flutes, and highballs.
Dirty looks at strangers. What, are you 13?
Thanks to doof for this one. If you’re seeing someone seriously, don’t lead someone on, even if that someone wants to buy you a drink, and especially if that someone is buying you more than one drink. I think there’s a 5 to 10 minute window in which you should mention it. Sometimes, the person will want to keep talking to you because they’re genuinely interested in your personality or think they’re so suave that they can steal you away. But usually, the person will be glad they can go meet other people. You’re in a relationship. You can have sex any time you want it. Enjoy it. Don’t make the singles suffer more than they already do.
From the bartenders: pay cash. I did it at the two bars I visited this weekend, and the bartenders’ faces just lit up, which made my face light up, and we blinded each other!
Now I’m going to go ice my cheek, because I danced on elevated surfaces without asking permission.
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Tagged as: Charlottesville, Ethics, Rants, social acceptance
you’re so cute lil. more people need to light up.
put the weed away parlie, I was talking about smiling.
that sounds like misconduct to me.
Thats Miss Conduct to you, bucko.
And, at the risk of repeating myself, dont slosh your drinks over a dj’s lit-up electronic thingies. They don’t dry clean well.
BYO, what if they slosh drinks over your equipment and they are hot?
Or, what if they are hot and trying to make out with you and sloshing?
Techniqu choice is all thats effected, Thor)
Level of hotness / makeout potential merely effects whether or not I use the :
• uber elite pirate-ninja skills to deflect their hovering conductive death fluid (for the not hot),
•he graceful flirtatious smoove moove that sexy orange crush baby (for the hot)
• or the tantric kama sutra love twist to grace their libation to a different situation (for the make out hot).
Either which way, the drink will be relocated.
*technique*
Ah, the bar spill. I remember the last (and only time) I was at XLounge I was carrying two shots of tequila about 4 inches off of my chest - eyes focused like a large cat about to go for a kill, very aware of everyone around me. Yes, by the time I had made my way to the door I was wearing about 10-15% of each shot, but considering they were filled up to the top when I got them I was happy to make it to the door with 85% remaining. Enter tough guy #1 and his blind elbow flair, completely clueless. Tequila goes crash, broken glass all over the floor. People in the immediate vicinity pause, if not for a quick second. Tough guy looks at me and says wtf! I am speechless, shake my head and walk outside. Thus is my experience with Charlottesville spills. XLounge - not too many tough guys per say, just too many guys who think they are tough guys.
cash at bars = bliss. never leave home without it. also a great idea when splitting checks at restaurants. how sweet is it to just drop paper when everyone’s fretting with the waiter over how much goes on what card?
Playa’s Rulz
A. Do not touch a woman unless you’re hot. She either won’t notice or will reciprocate double.
B. Let *her* buy *your* drinks. Then you won’t care whether they spill.
C. Give everyone hard looks. This will establish mystery and dominance, 2 things women aDORE. If you do pay her attention later, she will feel especially flattered because she thought you were mad at her earlier when you had come into the bar but now I see you’re nice or maybe you’re just nice for me maybe I can tame this bad boy because I’m special please tell me I’m special because daddy never–
D. Hit on everything that moves, regardless of your status or hers. Because ya never know.
E. Pay cash. You don’t want to carry anything on you that bears your real name. Because ya never know.
Oh my god. Grape and I agree on a few (not all of those) things.
Hard lessons learned, and absolutely inexplicable, but there is truth in there. God damn life is strange.
/”I can fix him”
OMG, ‘yo and grape and I agree…
I’ll buy all of it except D.
D’s the only that works. Or so I’ve seen. I stick with F, as in don’t give one. But I think D works better.
Come to think of it, D’s not that effective. How about explicit hand signals?
lilith, I guess I can put my hand on your waist
re check splitting in restaurants: in my serving experience, it’s so much more of a pain to try to break five twenties than run 5 credit cards.
speaking of X, whatever happened to the superhot waiter?
Paying with cash or credit takes about the same amount of time these days. But balancing out the till is clearly better with credit cards.
I think the goal is not to split up all the checks- I don’t.
orchid: I checked with my sources. One moved to the South Pole (I s* you not) and the other moved to California. I don’t know which one you were talking about, but between the two, you’re covered.
lil, you can say shit on here. Especially after 10.
You can say all sorts of shit.
[ducks; runs away from doof]
No shit! Forealsy?
*hides behind Stanley*
Wish I hadn’t said the shyt I said. Lilith, I have a 2300 word manuscript on that Waynesboro and Staunton eats & shtuff we talked about. I will get around to decimating it soon and send it to you. Or you can go with the rant if you want.
*Pelts the dodgeball, doof is out. It’s lilith and Stanley, and, while she is no American Gladiator, she has been lifting weights other than beers.*
colfer, I want the full story! I’d glad you’re into it. I’m into it. Email to cvillainlilith@gmail.com.
24: When I’m beaten, I’m beaten. I forfeit. Doof: let’s go get a beer.
its Monday night at 12:30 and I can’t drink every night of the week. I’m sure I screwed some grammar up in there, maybe another time [never taken an English class that I didn’t fail out of {’cept Shakespeare}]
Understandable, doof. To clarify, my grammar corrections are intended as light mockings of the prescriptivists of this world, with a tinge of kidding on the square. I hope it comes off that way.
Cheers to future beers.
Um, let’s try that prescriptivist link once again:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Linguistic_prescription
Shit (whoomp there it is) Stanley, the link still doesn’t work. Try this one.
And we have a winner.
NIIIICE, Lil. I was going to post as Henry Fowler and tell him he needs to lighten the fuck up (all in jest, Stanley), but I didn’t think it’d get approved till morning.
To drag in only a little back to center, when I don’t have exact change for the bill at a table, I tend to wander up to the bar and ask for change. Is that a faux pas? I just figured I’m saving the server a trip. And I wait my turn with the bartender. No muscling in, just ’cause all I want is for him or her to break a $20. And no doing it when the bar is 5 deep on a Saturday night.
lilith @18: dammit, the hot guy & the french toast brioche were the two reasons i loved going there, & now they don’t have EITHER?!