[witten by UVa LaGrape and very R-rated]
I have been informed by one of my current lovers that today, March 14th, is Steak and Blowjob Day. Invented as a joke by a Boston morning DJ, this idea has taken off in the real world, as evidenced by the hundreds of thousands of hits the phrase generates when Googled. It’s supposed to be a male counterpoint to Valentine’s Day, centered on men and their idea of what a love holiday should contain.
I immediately loved this idea.
From what I’ve read, some women feel put out by the notion of a day where they have to cook and suck. But I see Steak and Blowjob Day as a good excuse to give an awesome beej if you like ‘em, or if you don’t like giving beejays, then you now have a day where you can direct all such nagging requests from your husband. “Honey, you know I don’t like that. But I will do it for you on Steak and Blowjob Day.” This will give him something to look forward to, and a valve to drain out his constant BJ requests. But of course, on that day you will have to give the ULTIMATE OF ULTIMATES…the slobbiest, Oreck-suctionest, most toothless beej that you learned only after studying techniques from Nina Hartley’s instructional videos.
Although every couple creates their own Valentine’s rituals, the generally marketed idea of Valentine’s Day is to do a bunch of shit that women like. Let’s be real. Men don’t need to be shown love with CVS yumyums or baubles from Reines. They need to be *shown* love. They need to be *made* love with. They wanna put it on ya…and put it in ya. This sounds like the stereotype of men as sexually selfish, but almost every man I’ve ever loved has worked his ass off in attempts (successful or not) to please me in bed. Most men seem to believe, “hey..sex is the awesomest thing ever. If we wanna show love we don’t need nothin’ more than that!” They seem to be turned on just by the fact that you’ve CHOSEN them to have sex with. Your *choice* to touch their bodies with its hair and smells seems more important than any gift.
I like flowers and candy. But when I think about why I like them…it’s because he’s showing that he cares for me by giving me something that only I like, that’s an effort just for me from him. In turn, this does open me up, as it were, to sex. I guess that’s what the “Steak” is for…to sharpen *him* up for a bit of the old in-out in-out. To make him feel like a King for a Day. And you know, in the context of just 2 people and not the whole patriarchy, that’s ok for me. Cuz he’s not afraid to treat me like a queen. So tonight after work, I will be treating The Luckiest Dude in Charlottesville to fellatio and filet mignon. Lechayim.
PS: Gay dudes LOOOVE this holiday.
Related posts:
- What Would You Give Up For Sex?
- Quasi-Holiday Musings
- Gray Rape: Casual Hookups, Mixed Signals, Alcohol and Drugs
I am all about this holiday. sho’ ’nuff.
Message to ThatBoy: Close your browser. Nothing to see here.
Just kidding! Guys need a specific day of the year for this? I thought it was just called “Friday.”
i love that lagrape was informed by “one of” her current lovers. you go, girl!
i’m of the opinion that every day should be steak and BJ day, but that’s just me. and before you ask, yes, i do have plans tonight.
Do vegetarians get two blow jobs?
What’s the definition of a good buddy?
Someone who goes out, gets two blow jobs, comes back and gives you one.
And enough respect to Nina Hartley, sex-positive hero in the trenches for decades, butthis tutorial well, ‘blows’ doors off any other. By Faaar.
Learn it. Love it. (possibly NSFW – just text, though)
/now back to the velvet closet, because nothing can touch the supernatural.
i’m of the opinion that every day should be steak and BJ day, but that’s just me.
Well, it’s the steak I’m not sure I could eat every day.
i interpreted “steak & BJ” as him providing the steak & her providing a BJ. so the quality of the BJ would depend on the quality of the steak. he doesn’t get anything for free…
ThatGrrl thinks that she’s so good
That she’ll have ThatBoy’s wood
ThatGrrl knows just how to play
With his junk on Fridays
She says her lust has been boiling up
Since she first read what LaGrape heard
What she doesn’t realize is ThatBoy
Also read every word
And so he’ll tell her that he wants her
And he loves her
And his mind and soul and penis need her
Tell her that he’d love to
And wants to
And he needs to do all that he has to
To get up in her love
copywright 1983 Stevie Blunder
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TPsvwA6vvVo
I will be serving his steak in an apron with nothing under it
I asked my teacher about BJ and she said it was a Banana Jelly Sandwich
Ha! Awesome, LaGrape! I’ve never been immortalized in song before. Thanks!
It’s Penis Butter Jolly Time!
It’s Penis Butter Jolly Time!
Now where it at? I don’t know!
Where it at? Who dat is?!
Penis butter jolly!
Penis butter jolly!
Penis butter jolly with a blueball bat!
a thick steak makes his steak thick
a thick steak makes his steak thick
Bollocks. It makes his spunk stunk, though.
It makes his spunk stunk, though.
I believe the scientifc term is “tartarded”, but yeah, basically, b-yo nails it.
So the truth comes out and a holiday I’d known nothing about finally explains the series of break-ups I’ve had historically in the weeks following Valentine’s Day… so it wasn’t really ’cause my ‘recycling practices left something to be desired”? or “the way my nostrils flare when I laugh is truly disturbing”?
Bitches.
no comment
i want champagne & backscratch day
no comment
Sounds like someone has an over active gag reflex.
um, you’re just upset there’s no Tofu and BJ day
um, you’re just upset there’s no Tofu and BJ day
No I *was* upset that everyone I have been with has had a gag reflex.
But none of that matters in the velvet closet. Im over it.
well don’t I feel silly for celebrating today as the date in 1794 when Eli Whitney received his patent for the cotton gin. I need to get a new calendar.
It also appears to be some sort of official party day on Madison (or maybe just “friday”). At least three front yards feature active beer pong and it’s not yet 5pm. They seem to have a vague nautical theme… captains hats, pirate flags. I was never a student at UVA. What is happening?
What are you doing in Madison?
um, I meant ON madison avenue, but then again, I didn’t mean that, I meant 14th St.
These kids are nutty in the corner… Dude, where’s my boat?
This is the greatest thing I’ve ever heard. Too bad I probably won’t be celebrating it. There’s always next year though….
Are there other men who would prefer caviar and cunnilingus — or is it only me?
Caviar and cunnilingus and champagne and backscratch day is all Valentine’s Day. All that girly stuff already has a day. Get to slurpin.
Happy Balemtime’s Day
steaks and blowjobs for Balemtime’s Day!