Earlier this week, a little birdie told me of the best bad pick-up line she’d heard. To wit:
“Baby, you smell like Rose’s…the store, not the flowers.”
Of course, I would never stoop to denigrate a retail chain doing business locally, not least a chain that offers an embarrassment of riches in the category of fantastic White Elephant gifts and other discounted wares. (Huzzah Rose’s! Go you! Please don’t sue!)
But this birdie’s pick-up line does reel the mind. What is the worst pick-up line you’ve heard, ‘Villains? And, failing that, (and I’m looking at you, mc, b-yo, ThatGrrl, and oy here) what’s the worst pick-up line you can come up with?
It’s Friday, and it’s the first weekend in Spring. Fertility is thick on the ground. Let’s do our part to help prevent people from getting laid.
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Tagged as: Bars, pick-up lines, social
Drunken cVillains returning from bars: I draw your attention to this developing thread!
Stop looking at me! I’m trying to sleep.
I love pillow.
weoijnf!! an fodur mor: !!aliuehf.
for serousyu.
ufckor fukcinfg real. no doubt!
PUBLISHED.
Sadly, dijonbray is clearly winning, if for no other reason than the fact that he’s not gone to bed.
I love Stanley
6: Tried and true way not to get laid. Now let’s broaden the focus a bit….
Baby are you tired? ’cause you been running though my mind all night
You look like my next girlfriend.
That’s a nice dress. It would look great on my bedroom floor.
I’m not sleeping on the wet spot.
this has always worked for me: “nice bus, wanna fuck?”
I don’t think I could ever use a pick up line. I’d be giggling before the cheese was complete. mmm cheese
Honestly, best pickup line that actually worked (I got a kiss from girl and almost got in a fight with her date/bf):
If I weren’t gay, I would so be with you right now.
Said to freshman college guy who was low level aristocracy from the Ivory Coast by cafeteria lady: “You look just like my baby’s daddy.”
I once had a frat boy say to me ’soo my girlfriend’s out of town this weekend if you wanna come back to my place’
less of a pickup line…but similar, I was sitting on a bar stool at south street and a guy came up behind me and dragged the whole stool over to his table and introduced himself…I couldn’t talk though because I was laughing hysterically..and my friends had to drag me back.
he was probably a LAX player
“I have big feet.” Or, it’s polar opposite, “I own a Porsche.” Both equally successful…in making me laugh.
Or, it’s polar opposite, “I own a Porsche.”
Hilarious, ThatGrrl. I just snorted in my cubicle.
Feh. Pick up lines suck and are only funny as a joke. I have only ever asked anyone out on a date once in my life, and that was during a particularly insane part of my life. Maybe its just because I suck at all that stuff that I am uncomfortable with them. My personal ad from several years back, however, was a thing of beauty.
/not smooth
I picked up my last girlfriend with the ever popular, “I wanna wear your thighs as earmuffs.” Did I say girlfriend? I meant hooker, but you get the point.
Other lines:
“You must wash them panties in windex, cause I can see myself in them.”
“No it’s aspirin, not a roofie… just trust me”
I heard lots of “lines” as a DJ, but I wouldn’t call them pickup lines because most of them certainly could not have been invented to pick up anybody.
“What your name is, girl?”
“God-DAMN! So, uh…”
“Look baby…”
dancing & pointing at me while lip synching along with whatever suggestive song was playing: “I wanna sex you up”, “let’s talk about sex, baby”, “I just want your extra time and your [point point point point point] kiss”
I was not very singles-scene experienced when I got that job, so there were subtle come-ons that I missed early on. I came to learn that it meant I was being hit on if someone asked “What’s your real name?” (because I used an obvious stage name in my spinning days).
Other subtle methods I came to learn meant “I’m flirting with you”:
*putting too many tips in the jar
*making too many requests
*dancing provocatively in my general area
*asking too many questions that have nothing to do with showing sexual interest (Where’s the restroom? Did you try the chocolate fountain? I bet you do a lotta weddings, huh?)
*asking for my/the company’s business card. This was a really subtle one cuz at first I thought all these people were so impressed with my skillz that they wanted to do more business. But I noticed a pattern: me asking the owner “did any of those people from Saturday night call? I musta had 10 people ask for cards!” and him saying “No new clients…but you got 2 calls from dudes who asked for you then hung up when I wouldn’t give them your cell number.”
True story: I was in line at the Barrack’s Road ABC store on a Friday afternoon. The gentleman in front of me, a rather coarse fellow, was chatting up the female clerk. She said to him, “Did you get off early today?” To which he responded, “I got off early baby, and we can get off tonight.”
Worst pickup line: Hey baby, my name is Cecil and if you play you cards right you could be sleeping with the next mascot of the cvillain. That’s right baby shake those tail feathers and show poppie some love.
Hey baby, my name is Cecil
That certainly would accomplish the stated goal, viz., not getting laid.
haha 19 & 20 just made me pee my pants.
best line ever, from a french dude;
Me: *hiccuping*
Him: You know what helps stop hiccups?
Me: No, what?
Him: Je vous donne un bisou…
And while my brain was working on the translation he kissed me.
très smooth!
Oooooh this is fun! These are true.
“I bet you’re the second hottest girl in this bar.” (Itw as said in passing, yelling it at me, with the dude-nod.)
“I’m studying corporate law.”
“That’s nice, but like, what do you like to–”
“CORPORATE. LAW.”
I’ve had a lot of awkward whatevers… in November I was at a really upscale hotel restaurant by myself, hot guy came over to talk and finally asked to sit with me, and I tried to do the “Seinfeld” George move where the woman pushed his chair out with her foot for him to sit down. Totally hit him in the nuts.
Funny questions I’ve been asked from way back when… “Why are your eyebrows darker than your hair?” “Are you sure you’re a virgin?” “Are your eyes real? … Take out your contact lens. Right now. Yeah I’m serious!”
Can we just take “I’ve heard so much about you!” out of the vernacular? SO frustrating!!! Never okay!!!
Back in my single days, I used to use all kinds of lines to strike up conversation. A very common one was, “You win!”, “I win what?”, “the prize for being the best looking girl in this place.”, “what do I win?” to which there are thousands of responses like, “me”, or “whatever you want”, or my favorite “a ride home later”.
It evolved into a song lyric…
Thank you,
for putting on that dress tonight.
I’m sure you changed your mind,
several times,
before finally deciding,
but you got it right.”
“Nice shoes. Wanna fuck?”
always a classic – and maybe someday it’ll even work…
@25: giggle. you hit him in the nuts. hehehe.
@28 does that make them bar nuts?
True story:
Back in my college days I had a tendency to black out on a fairly regular basis. Something about taking pulls from a Ten High bottle just made me forget things. Apparently during one of these black outs, I called them Fridays back then, I approached a girl and stated, “You are most certainly the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. I’d love to take you to dinner.” Unfortunately, she took me seriously.
The next weekend I was sitting on the deck when a girl with a strangely familiar face approached me, “Jeff, I’ve been waiting to hear from you all week. What happened?”
“I’m sorry, how do I know you?” I responded.
“Hahaha, Jeff, you’re so funny. Remember last weekend, you said I was beautiful and you wanted to take me out to dinner?”
“Wow, I must have been wasted. My Bad.”
Slap.
Seriously, what was her name?
“If I said you had a great body, would you hold it against me?”
“What’s your sign?”….Said seriously and not in 1967.
I always had good luck with: “What should we have for breakfast?”
Ages ago it was more base: “Wanna go back to my place for a drink and a fuck or don’t you drink?”
On the receiving end, my personal favorite was “We were married once, want me to remind you?” (this was accompanied by a kiss and a grope and closely followed by a slap). Or more recently: “I don’t want you to think of me as just another big dick……unless you want to.” That cracked me up…………
ack, I got called out and didn’t respond! And I was up until 3 am! sorry stanley. Worst pickup line I’ve ever gotten: “We should get dinner sometime… I have arby’s coupons.” Best one, though, was when I’d been eyeing this guy for a little while and he finally just strides up, sits down and with sexy eye contact says, “I know when I’m being called.” so cute.
yupster’s reminds me of Flight of the Conchords…. you could be a part time model!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P3OnUz1QZXs
sexy eye contact
My favorite term for this: “making eye babies.” Heh.
(Nice FOTC link, mc.)
MC @33, that is so good. The best lines go by so quickly — here are the lyrics.
:::this link looks strange. hope it works:::
Hehe
My friends that were with me were like, “Why weren’t you more upset??” I was like, “Second’s really good!” and proceeded to check out EVERY girl at the bar.
“I’ll buy you a kebab!”
So… what does your daddy do? Guaranteed to offend.
Since weekend preview seems to be on spring break, and this topic has friday in the title….
Tonight at the cafeteria will be a bit different and a bit special. Although ABC laws prevent me from going into too much detail, it will be ABSOLUTely enhanced with new green flavor. Usually, in instances like this, there are lots of freebies, shirts, specials etc. I have no idea the details, or what to expect (I just play, I don’t organize)… but last time we did this, we broke the New Year’s Eve bar sales record, and the elevation of the dance was out of control.
If you’ve been looking for an excuse to see what all goes on down at the snatch, besides my electronic tomfoolery, this might be a good night to do it. Thump thump starts at eleven. Think Green! ( i know your st pats duds is out the wash by now, slackers)
“Hi, my name is Batesville…………Master Batesville”
never works
long time ago I had a girl come over to me at a bar (might have been Mas?) and ask me what I did. Not being interested in her, or in the mood for conversation particularly, I responded “I just got out of prison on work-release” (which was a complete fabrication, I’d escaped j/k). After that, I couldn’t get her away from me?!? Maybe I should have said “CORPORATE LAW”?
had a girl come up to me at oxo a couple of weeks ago and ask me “Where have I seen you before” and I said something along the lines of “America’s Most Wanted”. Seemed to work pretty well
In any case, if the girl thinks the guy is hot, the pickup line, whatever it is, will be “cute”, if he’s a troll it doesn’t matter what he says…
Maybe I should have said “
CORPORATE LAWI’m A BLOGGER.Fixed that for you, doof.
There are some weird pickup lines that I only know are pickup lines because more than one guy has tried them on me:
“Do you floss before or after you brush?”
“Is kissing cheating?”
“Who sings this? [insert 80s song lyrics]”
Now, I cannot fathom how these meta-pickup lines work, but there must be some TV show or website somewhere telling guys to say this. Have others who work in meat markets heard these lines too?
Not really a pick-up line, but a story from my dancing on a cube at the “Big Gig” adventure last weekend:
So by the time the band/dancing was occurring everyone was pretty wasted. And this is C’Ville’s extremely wealthy set. The band starts playing “Let’s Get it On” and I was there bopping on my cube (that’s right, mc) and I see these two 60 some year old men meet up and start chatting. I overheard something about their wives, what seemed like general complaining, and then the drunker of the two started shaking his head then pointed at me and shouted (I mean, loudly) “No, no, no, no, I want that one.”
Dude, I realize I’m on a cube in a very short skirt, but I can still hear you.
Wow Trillian did you feel like a piece of meat or what? That’s fucked up. On the bright side it’s nice to know you – if you so decided – could have a career as a “that woman”/trophy wife.
do your legs hurt? cause youve been running through my mind all day. oh my….
@39… can’t wait!!!
44: Yes, the first one is from the VH-1 show The Pick-Up Artist. I’m pretty sure I cast that guy for Room Raiders, definitely lived in Austin, definitely wore black fingernails and stupid hats, was definitely super rich (online gambling business), and definitely a chapter in the book The Game… but he was blond with short hair two years ago if it’s the same d-bag. This guy was pretty nice, and his body language is impossible to ignore because he would go back and forth from interested to aloof every five seconds, but that stuff only works on a really superficial level. “Did you know you get these cute dimples when you laugh?” and suddenly the girl’s in the defensive position because she’s self-conscious about her face AND laugh. Those guys on the show aren’t learning how to treat women well, they’re learning how to fake intimacy with drunk girls in a bar setting. I was like great, this is what teen guys need to watch, how to become a more confident man by using women sexually. FU!
@45, Ummm, yeah, what 46 said.
/puts down tools and stops building cube in living room/
“Baby, is your daddy a terrorist? ‘Cause you the bomb!”
That’ll get you at least a tuggy every time.
@46 – Yeah, it was weird. I felt alternately like a piece of meat and a piece of furniture, when they weren’t busy ogling me they were putting their drinks on the 3×3 cube I had to move around on. There were also some very kind people who seemed to understand I was a human, though.
@50 – Ha! Well, I do still have the “costume.”
trillian, welcome to my world during every Gala…I kind of get a kick out of being on the other side of the equation for once though. Unfortunately, sometimes its also 60 year old men oggling me! That and older, decidedly non-milfy women.
As for my “line”, I prefer the old standby: “Hi, what’s your name?”
@51: A tuggy? That’s friggin hilarious. LOVE IT!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zRdyDSbWg7w
/goD .
THOR (all capitols) ………..”Numbers”
/as opposed two werds.
“comma”
unt hello Y’all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
@51: A tuggy? That’s friggin hilarious. LOVE IT!
I have to admit to deploying “tuggy” tonight. A welcome addition to the lexicon, Tuffy. Nicely done.
best line:
hi. we should go home together-accompanied with appropriate body action.
best get my panties wet:
dancing with a mouth that has a brain.
(and knows how to use a tongue).
even without dancing…
and i also like “tuggy” i expect it will work into my personal lexicon(if i’m lucky:)).
Sit on my face and tell me that you love me
I’ll sit on your face and tell you I love you too
I love to hear you oralise
When I’m between your thighs
You blow me away
Sit on my face and let my lips embrace you
I’ll sit on your face and then I’ll love you truly
Life can be fine if we both sixty-nine
If we sit on our faces
In all sorts of places
And play till we’re blown away.
61: a more cunning linguist would’ve given us the full Monty.
/Python
i think your whole post,@62, is punny. and lacking any follow-thru. if i may say so.back it up, already
/don’t know what i am talking about.ish.
63: I was indeed going for a crap joke and nothing more. I’m a snot, I know. Here’s a full version.
so do you think servers in the ‘ville would get better tips if their pants were off?
feel free(pun intended) to extend the offer to musicians, artists, djs, etc…
I think it’s bedtime. See you on Sunday evening, ‘Villains. Till then I’m offline.
trillian and i came up with one earlier this afternoon, while discussing the wearing of pajamas to work and class. it’s easy – just stay in your PJs when you go the bar, and say “i’m ready for bed! are you?”
Ha! I love that you posted that, buster. Still giggling.
Okay, had to revive an old thread because this story is too odd to keep to myself:
At Cassis, I go back to the bathrooms and there’s four or five guys standing in the hallway. One of them kindly lets me use the facilities ahead of the rest of them. Great, fine, over. Or not, because then as I’m leaving the same guy comes and sidles up to me and says, “Well, hey. How was the bathroom?”
Um, really?
maybe he was “special”
/ rides around in the short wa-hooptie…
They kicked me out of the short-wahooptie for making too much sense.
Go figure, eh?
@69: did he spill beer on you trills?
@72:
did you spill beer on “someone” in line for the bathroom at cassis?
/just askin’
Scoundrel! No. Of course not.
/inside joke, duder.
you did~!
@72 – Haha, no. No beer spillage. Apparently gravity is only out to get you. He actually didn’t have a drink at all, which seems odd. I would think a lot of alcohol would need to be involved for him to think that line was a good idea.
well trillian when people are as blinded as they generally are by your assets, they can’t help but lose the capability to think.