I See You Baby!
I love the “I Saw You” section of The Hook because I always dream that I will be seen! But I never am. I guess I can’t be seen very well behind a wall of books. So I thought I’d start such a post on cVillain. Since it’s free and interactive, maybe more people will write who they saw and slathered over. And maybe the median age of the people posting won’t be twice mine, like in the C-ville and Hook personals pages. And maybe someone will unknowingly slather over me.
If you are the guys who rolled past me in the black sedan one dark night last August…please forget you saw me.
Spring’s liberation of citizens onto Charlottesville’s sidewalks is what inspires this idea, so I’ll kick it off with my own heretofore unpublished I See You Baby’s.
You were a quirky coed with purple boots and rainbow stockings walking down JPA. I wanna be your BFF.
You: a light-skinned black dude with dreads and a baby. I saw you at Fashion Square Mall with your boy who was talking on his phone too much. Ditch the friend and we can babysit together.
You were jogging down Water Street. All I saw was bouncing gym shorts and 2 of the most golden, muscular thighs coming out of them.
You were crying the other night because you’d just lost the last game of the season. You were wearing a white jersey with orange and blue lettering. I just wanted to hold you tenderly, softly kissing the lids over your green eyes. Please remove the restraining order.
Popularity: 32% [?]
Tagged as: Booty, Hotties, Hunks, Joggers, Raves, Rumors, Singles Scene, UVA Women's Basketball
So basically this is like a craigslist “missed connection”? Something along the lines of:
You:Wandering the fruit aisles of Harris Teeter last evening. You appeared to be buying apples.
Me: Attempting to correct my Vitamin C deficiency thru the purchase of some of Florida’s finest oranges..
Want to get together and compare?
You: Lithe, luscious brunette walking past right now…..wait, nevermind. You: Sensuous blond walking your….hold on… You: Gorgeous redhead jogging down the…wait a sec.
Um, I don’t think the mall is such a great place to attempt this, at any time of the day.
You:You:You:
you… at Bang! last Sunday handsome man eating Salmon Nori Rolls drinking a Joe… Me drunk and obnoxious guy at the bar. hope I didn’t ruin your dinner. hope to see you again same place… same time.
you… fabulous, gorgeous, amazing people at Boheme last Thursday… me… the firecrotch drinking, suspenders wearing host with salty tots. would love to see you again tonight, same place.. same time.
you… short lady, sweet smile, healthy, nice tail… saw you drinking OJ at Boheme last Sunday… me… (having too much fun with this) really hungover guy at the bar pouring your OJ… lets get together and discuss Mexican revolutionaries soon.
j’adore eduardo.
You: Tall drink of adorable bartender at Boheme last week. Me: Tall drink of self-explanatory.
You: Gorgeous hunk of man I keep seeing almost everywhere I go. I have never seen a more attractive, intelligent, amazing (modest) individual in my entire life. I feel like I’ve known you forever, but sometimes I feel like I don’t know you at all. I think about you every day. While I know you are faithful to me and monogamous, I often get the feeling you don’t want to be - it seems like everytime we have sex, you’re thinking about someone else. You make eye contact with me sometimes when you’re brushing your teeth or shaving (you haven’t been doing that lately, how come?), but you never hold my stare for long.
You: talk, dall, cold malt-based beverage. Me: thirsty and bored. We should definitely get together tonight, perhaps over dinner?
Mmm those Bohème bartenders ARE adorable. That one at the Box ain’t so bad looking neither.
Whatever happen to Joe at Bonehimover ?
Where?!
That place you all can’t get enough of …cough cough.
Ah ha. Clever. Is that a gay joke?
no, not a gay joke just. how things work there. Psss. by the way gay men and women don’t bother me. I see gay peole.
sorry people.
Don’t be sorry. Speak your mind! Take a risk! Everybody should. Im looking at you too, lurkers.
Its just the internets.
Byo, he was saying sorry that he spelled people wrong.
Thank god. I was trying to find out what a “gay peole” was, and it was leading me to some very dangerous search results.
/you don’t want to know.
You’re a gay peole.
a gay peole = a gay pee hole (see e.g., bathroom at 216)
For reasons that elude common sense, G&B has, dancing in his head, visions of central virginia’s most disgusting bathrooms. Go figure.
I saw you:
Working at the Nook. Woman with short, black hair. Eyeliner. Soft-spoken. Tight jeans pulled over a righteous booty.
I saw you: walking down JPA; thick-bottomed black woman with sunglasses, tight jeans and shirt with a “Deep V” (as that bitch on What Not to Wear would say). You thought I was clocking the Pontiac behind you. Naw, baby. I was clocking your trunk, not the Fiero’s.
@ 17 been lurking and lmao - if i ever place a personal ad, i’m putting the phrase “salty tots” in it -
hi annie, welcome to the party, the trays are next the the silverware, the oj is in the dispensers and the tots are in the oven.
Local musician Peyton Tochterman released an album a few years back called The Personals, with a song on the album by the same name which poked fun at the C-Ville’s old school “I saw you” ads (of course it’s the Hook now, but he wrote the song back before the C-Ville drama and creation of the Hook). The lyrics are great w/ lines like:
“Our dogs became romantically entangled at Pen Park last Saturday, a counterpoint to our own painful repression. My tail is still wagging. Single?”
and
“Saw you at the register at the Mudhouse. You seemed stressed. Relax. It’s only coffee. Maybe next time I’ll try some whipped cream on top of my latte!!!”
and, best of all,
“Revolutionary Soup fantasy. 11/16 at one thirty. You-green vest dark hair glasses with sister spotted against the back wall. Me-petite blonde red v-neck wished you’d followed me home. Drinks? Nooner?”
my first boyfriend’s only fantasy had to do with whipped cream. i still can’t eat it.
@ 27 - whipped cream earned me a nickname way back in the day. if we ever meet, i’ll be sure to avoid telling you the story.
As someone who is recently retired from the fantasy fulfillment department of human sexuality, I have to say, I never saw the appeal in the food based fantasies. I guess I can in theory, but in practice it seems rather unwieldy and rather ironically, unfullfilling. But then again I am not a foodie. Loved the psychological stuff way more. There were less props, and less clean-up. Well, mostly.
You’re not retired - who are you kidding? That can of cheez wiz you carry around used for “mixing” isn’t fooling anyone.
I wrote a song called “Feel Like Food”. It’s a dirty, dirty song from a nasty, nasty boy. No, I’m not going to sing it. I also wrote one about self-gratification, which was most requested song of ‘04. I tell you, there’s nothing like being called “The Masturbation Guy”, when you walk into a room. “Hey! It’s the masturbation guy!” So touching.
So touching
Indeed.
i wasn’t going to touch it. thanks for cranking that one out.
I made a funny. Heehee
I See You:
Sometimes at Blue Moon. Massive cleavage that you like to show off. More impressive: your unstinting politeness. You seem very motherly and it’s not because your mammaries are as big as my head.
@35 wanna be introduced to her?
b-yo: you know who I’m talking about?
Oh indeed I do. At least Im pretty sure. Curlyish dirty blonde hair, no visible tattoos?
her hair is something like brown and blonde. I don’t stare, so I didn’t examine for tattoos. But how many servers with supersized (and proudly displayed) tatas could work at Blue Moon?
byo: it’s not your wife or something, is it?
ding!
ex though. and she is very very cool, you should just straight up introduce yourself.
Does she work at The Local too?
Indeed. Don’t feel to comfortable dishing too much personal info on this board, but she is super nice and we are still friends. Yo will vouch for her.
/trippy slip into third person.
you are fucking kidding me. I Saw You’d b-yo’s ex-wife? this is embarrassing.
Someone pointed her out and said she was your ex. I was just curious if they knew what they were talking about.
this is embarrassing
Shouldn’t be. You would get along great.
@44: LMAO at you.
I’m particularly impressed with the completely adult way in which B’Yo and his ex have obviously managed to remain friends. My imaginary hat is off to you, sir.
However, UVA? Sorry, but shen’s right. It is sorta funny. And it proves, once again, that C-ville is waaaaaay too small.
For a while I had a great track record of remaining at least friendly with everyone I left the velvet closet for. Late last year that changed, which is why I think this time Im staying in. I am allergic to drama.
And I, too, think its funny, but not embarrassing.