I moved to Cville in August. For the first two months here I was miserable. The people were so different in Cville than anywhere else I lived, I may as well have moved to Jupiter. I had trouble breaking into this completely new culture. It was as if everyone had their own lives and just weren’t interested in adding to them.
I was lucky enough to meet some very unique people and now have some great friends (many that happen to be involved in this site).
The problem is I still feel the cold from the Cville Ice. I still notice that people here are different and I have to carry around a giant ice pick to get through.
My relief? I felt most almost at home reading this site and attending villain events.
Being new I had no idea where to eat, what to do on the weekends, or where to have drinks. This site was so helpful. I was totally hooked. Even though I never posted and rarely commented I read the site everyday at least four times a day.
I have been a loyal reader for five months. Now, new to town or not I am almost ready to quit. The Cville shut out I got around town has spread to my beloved relief at Cvillain.
I enjoy varying opinions and a good debate here and there. However, this site has recently crossed a line, it is now a battle ground of put downs. I don’t look forward to coming to the site to see the funny comments from Stanley, Street, Shenanigans, Oy and Lolo, the funny graphics from B yo, instead I dread what negative commentary might be awaiting me at the end of each of the writer’s thoughtful posts.
Attacking villains or criticizing them in a cruel way is just not what Cvillain is about. A civilized debate or argument here and there happens. I’ve watched villains I love have a tiff or two. I have also had moments that I have been offended by posts, but there are tactful civilized ways to deal with these situations. We all lose our temper, we all get misunderstood, but that is no reason to be cruel.
I miss my Cvillain retreat. I only hope maybe soon it will return to the pleasant place it used to be.
Popularity: 36% [?]
Tagged as: Gripes, Retreats, Site
Tuesday, welcome to C’ville…. and the internet for that matter. Watch out. It’s addictive and apathetic.
You have to learn to not be offended by fictional personalities created by the apararent mask of anonymity. A lot of the posters on the site are totally different in real life. I for one am guilty of many of the things you criticize the site for. However, conflict adds drama and the drama keeps readers interested. It’s all in the name of entertainment.
I say amen. I know I have unintentionally stepped on toes, and I apologize if any of my comments have raised anyone’s hackles. I sincerely don’t mean to offend anyone in any way, but its bound to happen. When it does, i do my best to resolve things diplomatically, and hopefully humorously. But lately I have really been drug away from the silly, and it, too, has caused me to second guess my frequent participation. I have no interest in electronic pissing matches, even though it seems sometimes it is really easy to get drawn into them. I really have to learn how to float above, or else I will have to learn to fly away.
Thank you for writing this.
Um folks, it’s the INTERNETS!
And really, I have to disagree - I think this place has been pretty much the same since the get go - more or less the same people saying more or less the same things. I just don’t see any recent downturn towards negativity.
First rule of participating in any internet forum is to thicken the skin.
If I ever offended or seemed negative, I’m really sorry. I just try to crack a joke now and then.
I enjoy the humor on this site so much. You guys are so smart and funny.
I’ve actually been thinking about my own e-death, and will probably eventually move on.
HOH, I disagree. I’ve always wanted to build a site where people don’t feel like they have to toughen their skin. I’ve certainly seen a few things recently that are over the line from a personal attack standpoint.
I would treat this environment like a dinner party. Sure, you may not know everyone very well, but you aren’t going to attack someone because they say or think differently from you. There are plenty of other places where people can attack, be mean, etc etc. I know it’s a fine line, but I think we can recognize that it helps to foster a positive environment so that others feel welcome on this site.
I know it doesn’t mean that much to the regulars on this site, but it does mean A LOT to those who don’t comment. I am sure that the regular non-commenting readers would be more inclined to comment if we were more inviting and nicer, overall.
Um folks, even though it’s the internets, there are still real, live, feeling human beings sitting at the other end of those computers. It’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt. And someone always gets hurt. I wonder, if folks stopped to think about that just for a minute before you fire off yet another of those witty, biting comments, perhaps… Oh I don’t know, perhaps the world could become a little kinder.
Wow, I can’t believe everyone is this upset about a few negative posts. When you type something, people can’t hear the inflection in your voice. Sometimes it’s hard to tell if someone is being sarcastic, but if we’d all realize that most of what is being said on here is done so in a joking manner, we’d all be a lot happier.
If someone says something you disagree with, you have every right in the world to voice your opinion, but realize that is all they are, opinions. There’s no reason to get so worked up over an internet post that you have to go off making personal attacks on people you have never actually met.
Lastly, I don’t think it was lilith’s intentions to cause a Marshall Applewhite-style mass e-suicide. I never met her, but I’m sure she’d be disappointed to hear people were thinking about leaving. As has been said so many times on here, be the change you want to see in
the worldcVillain.There are times when a little back and forth is OK. It just can’t be allowed to fester. Isn’t this what all mods have to deal with from time to time?
@8 Bacon gets bonus points for use of the word “fester”
Thank you, Tuesday I appreciate your post. While I love posts that foster passionate and even angry exchange (see “confessions of a local bar maid,” and the post about the guy in the trailer), I have noted an increase in personal attacks, attacks that fail to advance any argument (see Earnestina’s recent, groundless, and barely-coherent, bile-spewing attack on Yo’s parenting skills). The last few weeks have seen a coarsening of dialogue and a decrease in playful wit in the service of thoughtful (if irreverent) exchange. We’ve also seen an increase in the number of posts which are (i) about nothing, or (ii) not about Charlottesville, or (iii) only three or four sentences long, or (iv) merely links to other sites such as YouTube. Perhaps this content drought has caused us to take leave of our collective funny-bone or perhaps we simply missing the civilizing influence of a woman named Lilith.
Having complain about this last night I can tell that much of these problems are a the feet of the mods. Sorry but you choose the topics and are the cops around here. When it’s good it’s partly the mods doing their jobs when it’s bad it’s mostly the mods fault.
Thor - I’m sorry, but it’s just not possible to host an internet forum without a little shit-flinging every once in a while.
It’s certainly a noble and worthy goal to try and host an always civil internet forum, but it’s just not possible.
However, I’m not arguing that you shouldn’t try, just trying to tell you not to take it personally.
see Earnestina’s recent… attack on Yo’s…
Thats just it. I know its like when the crazy person sits down next to you on the bus, you should not engage them in conversation. I should have just shrugged it off and chalked it up to bad moonshine or lead poisoning or whatever, but some jabs are so pointed that its hard to resist coming back, or at least offering one’s two cents. I love argument and debate, and its hard to resist even when there is no emotional stake, but toss a bee in my bonnet and Im almost powerless to resist. Problem is, that usually sets off a spiral of lunacy that I think drags the whole cvillain experience down to the typical message board flame fests. Once that happens, towels are not identified and tartare goes uncriticized. Won’t somebody think of the taretar!??!
What to do, what to do…
Re Silmo: Would you prefer less content, but more relevant to Charlottesville-only type things or more content, but with a broader appeal?
I agree with a lot of you. Disagreement, even argument, is one thing. Baseless personal attacks are quite another. I love the community of this site when it is a community, and think that the ability to trust in each other fosters better discussion and debate. Why does the fact this is the internet mean that it’s necessarily nasty? Are we really that apathetic and willing to excuse obnoxious behavior just because it’s online? I’m certainly not. Maria-Elena is right, there are still people behind these posts. I just wish everyone would keep that in mind.
I agree with the commentariat and with Tuesday. I think part of the recent harshness has had to do with new folks chiming in—which is great! But sometimes it’s easy to misinterpret someone’s tone if you haven’t heard from that person before and gotten a sense of his or her comment fu.
I’ve been trying to give the benefit of the doubt to new folks lately. I try to read a few comments before I pull out my “troll!” yellow card. Don’t know if this is helpful advice. It seems to leave me with less of a headache.
Would you prefer less content,
I would prefer to be less content.
I agree with everyone, and I have a feeling most of this can be chalked up to growing pains.
This is a hard site to jump into if you aren’t someone whose been lurking for a while, as the comment out of the blue from a newbie just to express how offended or repulsed they are never seems to go down very well, and the regulars are a fiercely loyal bunch (I like to consider myself one of them). That’s why I love the dinner party analogy. Of course, no one expects good behavior from a party crasher so I’ll leave it to you to overextend this metaphor.
That being said, if it turned out that (hypothetical here) my best friend owned a restaurant that everybody was knocking or my nephew OD’d on some drug everyone’s casually bantering about and I only stumbled across this because of a google search or said offendee complaining, I can see where the white rage might cause someone to go off the handle in a comment. Honestly, it’s hard to say we do no harm, as (for example) restaurants in town fear/dread this site and take every negative comment to heart. (If you every want to watch an otherwise composed chef fall apart, introduce them to cvilledining.com to get an idea of the power web forums hold.) Still, many folks have handled this better than others (think the Kiki closing post where the new owners jumped in to set the record straight and play along).
Back to the growing pains issue, poor B’yo has inadvertantly attained minor celebrity status and I think that’s why he is so frequently the victim of so many of these out of the blue attacks (as I certainly say more baseless and dismissive things than he and have so far remained unscathed). The effects of this site on our little hamlet are just beginning to play themselves out, which is why we are in some sense beginning to get a taste of our own medicine (read: we’re the object of gossip and disdain). That’s why we need to learn to play nice as well (i.e. maybe not fly off the handle at The Hook or C-ville so much).
We’ll all just have to see how this plays out, but in the spirit of Lilith, I say we respond to the “where the hell did that come from” comments with an offer of schlitz and crepes and maybe let the first offense slide. Like training a dog, you do best to ignore the behavior you don’t wish to encourage.
/getting off my soapbox now. sorry. slow day at the office.
This post sucks ass.
/personally attacking shen
J/K. But yeah, some of you people need to stop popping in just to say something nasty and critical.
@21 do you mean this post or all post in general?
@20: I’m gonna personally attack your ass with my paddle Friday night.
@14 - Thor: I can see where it is difficult if not impossible to populate this site with “c-ville only” news and gossip. And I don’t blame you for our collective inability to find and post good news/gossip. (Does no one out there have any good gossip about goings-on in this town???) My sense is the balance between very short “comment” posts that are in essence links to other sites and feature length posts is out of wack. And it is the features that tend to engender the more lively/intelligent/funny debate. I honestly don’t know what kind of dialogue we can hope to foster by embedding a youtube clip in a post and asking for comments. That said, I rarely post so am decidely part of the problem. No hard feelings
agreed with Silmo. If I wanted to read fark.com, I’d go there. This site is at it’s best when it’s talking about C-Ville stuff, but if there’s not enough C-Ville only content, I don’t really know what the answer is.
Does no one out there have any good gossip about goings-on in this town???
I sadly report that I believe Eduardo may be leaving Boheme. Rumor only though… we’ll see.
@26: Nooooooooooo! Say it isn’t so!
26 But don’t they know that he’s the reason we go to Boheme!
@26 - Oh no! Silmo’s right, it wouldn’t be even close to the same without him.
Back on topic, maybe we should have a “Roast” post where people can say whatever nasty shit they want.
@26 Terrible news! Eduardo, say it aint so?!?
Think of the tots! Will no one think of the tots?
@30: Let me re-introduce you to say whatever you want 1 and say whatever you want 2.
@32: I meant aside from that, specifically for jabs and spite. Kinda like the Rant.
I had jabs and spite at the Flaming Wok. They were undercooked and served with, get this, morrocan water!
/not going back
@33 I’d rather they not encourage that, rather than contain it I fear it’d just promote what we’d rather not see here and it’d spill over.
Kinda like the Rant.
/ adding cvillain to my blocked sites list at the very thought of it
Oh, well we’d have another post called “Kittens and Rainbows” where y’all could hold hands and drink Pleasant Punch.
I had kittens and rainbows at the Mongolian Gardens. They were undercooked and served with, get this, Somalian water!
/not going back.
can we just get back to the makin’ out part? Where the eff is two o four anyway? I miss Lilith, I wanna suck face with silmo and oy, doof and shen @ asscafe while dancing to b’yos beats. bitches.
@39: Yeah, but then somebody will bitch about us being clique-y.
/true story!
@39 - Yay Caroline! I miss you so much I stopped wearing shirts to work
@40 - No shit! That’s when this site started going down hill. All those haters out there attacking us for spreading love and joy. Suck it! (not you , them)
@37 - I love kittens and rainbows… and the color pink!
@41, no shirt, whew, sexy ref you.
@40, GUD so what, that was just gobbler BN (for parlie) jealous!
pink is the new black
You guys are so cliquey. Ugh.
@42 when does black get to be the new black again?
@43: Oh go back to your kickball clique. I mean club.
I believe that would be May 27, 2009, Mr. Roboto. That is if the fashion calendar I received as a complimentary gift for donating to the Gay Agenda is correct. It has not been wrong yet. And for the record, pink is sooo late February.
I was thinking of donating to the Gay Agenda but I am also like the Take Christ Out of Christmas Campaign. Unable to decide between the two I decided to give a portion of the money I receive from Sin to the multi-cultural, pan-sexual, freedoms-hating, immigrant-loving coalition: I Use My Brain, So I Must Hate America. They may be found at americahater.fr
Let’s get real:
1. This is not cvillenews.com. You want nice, measured (sometimes crotchety/grumpy/ornery) dialogue about local issues, go there. You want an unmoderated forum with people flirting and posing, but at least friendly in a boys-on-the-playground-ball-bustin’ kinda way–stay here. Fact is, at first I was frustrated with seeing a topic that received 100 comments, but only 5 of them were on topic. But I’ve shifted my outlook to become one with the knowledge that this site isn’t as much about the topics as it is about the socializing around the topics. It’s kinda like the typical Cville fundraiser. People don’t talk about cancer or aids at those things. They flirt and connect and pose and eavesdrop.
It’s like church. God’s word is the grabber, but gossip is the essay:
“Well hello, Althea! Praise God ain’t it a blessed Sunday morning?”
“Greeeat day! The Lord’s just blessed me you know!”
“Yes, Lord. You know I been praying for your daughter to lose that demon of promiscuity.”
“Why thank you, Lakisha. And I been praying for your son to lose that demon of forgetfulness when it comes to using his condoms.”
2. I’ve lived on tons of online communities ever since elementary school. This place is NOwhere near the bottom of the barrel. For me, this place is near the top, if not at the very top. How many other Cville online publications can say that their comment sections are this lively? Dozens if not over 100 comments as a regular occurrence? NONE NONE NONE. And all without spam?! Holy shit, this is a well-done site yall! This place is as lively as some of the geography-less topic-based sites I’ve lived on. This is lightning in a bottle and we all better appreciate its uniqueness.
If you think this site is mean, you haven’t lived on the internet. I mean, no, this is not Granny’sKnitCircle.com, but it’s not Slate or Salon or PerezHilton or vh1.com. Those places are post-apocalyptic wastelands when it comes to human kindness.
3. B-yo: take this with all the sisterly love you know I have for you: it’s not that you don’t “mean” to offend anyone. It’s that you just don’t care if you offend. Cuz you do. So do I. The mere speed with which you respond to every single comment demonstrates your lack of care about speaking too hastily and without tact. Speaking with humour or sarcasm doesn’t mean it doesn’t bite. Bro, please read this knowing I’m saying it to myself as much as I’m saying it to you. We’re not the same as trolls, because those can more easily be ignored. But you and I have the charm to pull people in, then hurt them unintentionally with our whiplash tongues.
@48: AMEN
Hey no offense taken, and that’s quite a compliment (another thing white people like). I appreciate your posts too, as I know I can say just about anything and you’ll either ignore it or come back with it, rather than being all mortified. Anyway, I agree with… hey… waitaminute! Your just buttering me up to get with my ex, aintcha!
/tee hee hee
lagrape speaks wisdom.
The main problem I’ve seen lately are too many posts - hard to keep up with the inanity of the comments (which seems to be what keeps most people coming) when the ‘discussions’ are spread over the 6 or 7 new posts each day.
Mod’s need to throttle back. Post what’s relevant to us, the community you’re coming to understand - whether it’s about CVille or not. But don’t force it, just to have more posts - 8 new posts alone today? Far too many. I just don’t have time to keep up with, and post my nuggets of stupidity, in that many topics.
more:
4. Tuesday, I’m interested in knowing more about what you mean when you say that Charlottesvillians were different than what you were used to. Tell us what we did so that we may not do it in the future.
5. More moderation would be the cure for cVillain stroppiness, but that would mean more work for moderators. Lots more, considering how popular this site is. How do the mods feel about that?
6. I believe that people gravitate toward posting in whatever’s in the Recent Comments column. I believe that cVillain would be less of an overpacked steam room if that column was twice its size. There’s a lot of space on that column of the page anyway. Spread out the area of first focus for visitors since the site’s so popular. I find that the posts move through so quickly that if I miss a week I have to go back 2 pages from the front page when I return. So my bookmark for this site is actually the Full Archives page, that way I can see more topics at a glance.
Amen to #6!
You are number six.
Who is number two?
I am not a number I am a free man!
/sorry, time for meds.
sorry to keep posting. That’s my weakness here, I keep thinking of things to write…The way to keep a topic on topic is to put it back on topic yourself with a on-topic comment. I’ve pulled that trick on my own posts and it works…sometimes. If it doesn’t work…well then I know my topic isn’t interesting enough and I move on.
See Tuesday…you have power here. You told us how you feel and we are examining ourselves and apologizing. Never doubt your own power to change the world around you, Tuesday.
The way to keep a topic on topic…
I once found $270 in cash between bus seats when I was exactly $270 short on my rent.
/my work is done here.
I once woke up to find that everything in my apartment had been stolen. And replaced with an exact replica.
@57 you’ve been watching Stephen Wright and stealing his jokes?
Touché
@ Grape re 48 etc
I think we should get married
RE: 48
Granny’sKnitCircle.com
Is that a porn site?
@ Grape RE: 52
that if I miss a week
WTF? Why would you miss a week???
$* is the new parlie.
(48)
i find it very amusing that on october 3, 2007, most of us didn’t know each other offline and were very tentatively dancing around the idea of a clandestine villain meet-up. now it seems that nary a weekend passes without some sort of completely non-clandestine canoodling (for lack of a better term). i’m not part of “the clique”, but i think this phenomenon is pretty cool. god bless the internets!
$* is the new parlie.
Im not sure I understand the words coming out of your, um, lips.
there will be no new parlie. regular original parlie is doing just fine.
I was alerted to this particular thread tonight by a ‘concerned friend’ who asked my opinion…..(yeah… like I have one worth giving. Everything I say is utter fucking bollocks)
As Thor can confirm from IP’s, Floozy died painfully and horribly back in February and has genuinely NOT been back. I revisited briefly when the same ‘friend’ sent me Lilith’s obit and I really had to fight the urge to send her a nice comment because she deserved one… .I was truly saddened and moved at her premature literary demise……but I decided to shed a private tear. She was a cat woman. Never the twain shall meet. Say no more.
So here we go… for what it is worth…. IMHO….as a previous prolific obnoxious unpopular poster …. Tuesday’s post is very very valid and he/she speaks the truth. (I am SOOOOOOOO out of touch with who is m/f so forgive my ignorance… I don’t have time to research archives and I really don’t give a flying fuck either so let’s move on).
Thor… please please please do not allow the trolls and troglodytes to beat this site down to an upscale Craigslist R&R site. Try and regain some of the composure and classiness that I remember (okay… okay… forgetting MY posts) .
Sincerely Yours,
Flooze
And for the record I have not been drinking…. and Doof answer your fucking phone next time.
Goddammit! there it is: missed call from Floozy @ 9:13! Sorry!
I’ll try you in the am
You were prolific, you were obnoxious, but I don’t think you were unpopular. You have a wicked sense of humor. I think you should consider coming back, but I know that’s not worth much, maybe just two cents.
/for the record, I have been drinking, and doof doesn’t answer my calls either.
Gawd, I go do taxes and this happens?! I missed the legend that was Flooze. BTW, saw you at Bellair market. Love your fringe.
@70 Thanks Shen.
(Note to self… wear longer skirts or book Brazilian wax 2 weeks earlier than usual to avoid embarrassing social stigma of Fringivitis)
B’Yo… thanks for the 2c… I’ll put it towards the cost of my above mentioned depilation.
hi floozy, welcome back. they gave me a promotion while you were gone. i still don’t do anything though, so it’s ok.
Hey Parlie …Congrats … I always thought you had an air of George Costanza about you….
yeah.
How appropriate.
Hi FLOOZY!!!!
Welcome back. I missed you so much I cut off my feet. Don’t go!!! You must stay and post b/c I never had so much fun than when I was playing off witticisms. Come on already, stay! PLEASE!!!!!
PS Caroline wants to make out with you.
@71: I meant your bangs. So are you back for realsy? Cuz it’s been tiring being the sassy one all the time.
Dear Flooz-person. I have heard all about you. In fact I wuz recently accused of being you. You are famous. I hear you have hundreds of cats. Cool! Cats!
I hear you have hundreds of cats.
Yeah, she has the corndog concession at the dogwood carnival…
/sorry nanigans
Pardon the late response to this post. Tuesday although I feel your pain, I think the playful back and forth is good entertainment. I recenlty started posting on this site after just reading it for a while. I’ve feel that a lot of the regulars generally dislike what I have to say, mainly because I choose to disagree with them. And I’m ok with that. I think it’s boring when people post just to say how much they like each other and agree. I didn’t come here to join some strange internet clique. I just want to express my opinion about the goings on in town and read what others have to say. This kind of discussion is meant to have different opinions and allow people to react to each other. Most of the time I act as a Devil’s Advocate just to push someone’s buttons. It’s fun to watch their reaction. While I think that it’s interesting how personal people take this shit, I have thoroughly enjoyed being a part of the conversation.
I agree and generally like what you say in this post, Clarence. I like you.
@79: That makes you a cat-eater then. You are SO not allowed to come over anymore…
B’yo I like what you have to say too, especially about the tartare.
Lets hug and sing kumbaya.
/I value your feelings.
I fucking hate singing and hugging and koom bah yah. Maybe I don’t like you.
isn’t this so interesting, the back and forth, the suspense (what dumb shit will I say next?)
Upon reflection, I hate those things too, clarence! Hey, and maybe I don’t like me either. I think this is interesting.
/I validate your right to change your mind.
this is all so taxing….
@79… bastard progeny of 71
Shen….I know you were talking about my bangs. I have been away for so long, you must have forgotten the basic Flooze Rules. A brief recap for informational purposes:
1) Everything must be be taken and turned into a smutty snatch/cock/knockers reference. This is ostensibly to amuse , but more importantly it annoys Gobbler (ironic in its own special way)
2) Errrrrrrrrrrr………..Nope, I’m out. Better rename it the basic Flooze Rule.
@76 Silmo BABY …missed U 2… self amputation is very Eco-friendly…. less socks to wash. Kudos.
@78 JLTDNS… mistaken for Floozy? Cool… a doppelganger. Oh I fucking hate cats so drop that one.Fast.FASTER.
Delighted to see the deep, philosophical and thought provoking mainliner post about knobs. Coupled with the kind invites to come back into the fold, it’s the call of the Lorelei………no……. no…. nooooooooooooooooooooo……….
HOLY SHIT, FLOOZE!!!!! YES! I do want to make out with you, i have missed you so. We gotta get the band back together! Two ofour where the hell are you?
OK, that’s rich. Extensive thread re the journalistic merits of Cvillain. Followed by a stimulating discussion of weenie size. Enquiring minds need to know this stuff…
Just a response:
I have been away and did not get to see the results of this post until now. I spent the last few minutes reading each of your comments. I think more or less some misunderstood what I meant. I love the friendly inappropriate banter. I know what the site is about, why it was created, and have carefully watched (whether lurking or commenting) almost since its creation. I would never be one to tell people to stay on topic or take any sort of teasing seriously. I think this site be open and fun, although also think LATELY the site has seen a change.
I have some selfish personal reasons I want this site to grow and do well (those of you who know my identity surely know why), but if growing and adding new commenters means they are going to slam regular posters and commenters then it just may not be worth it.
The comments I happen to be referring to involve cruelty that is unnecessary. Parlie, B yo, Gobbler, Street, Shen, Stanley, Doof, etc. all make frequent derogatory, off topic, teasing, and nonsense comments, but none are ever cruel or are personally slamming anyone. Have fun. Comment away, but think about how hard someone may have worked on a post or how personal a comment may just be. That’s all I’m saying.
Also, thanks to those that left all the nice comments, you guys are great.
This site definitely is the double edged sword. On one hand we provide an open platform for people to voice their opinion and on the other we want people to show respect and restraint in an open environment. I am no psychologist but there has to be a study somewhere that shows there is no order in an open/free environment (think Lord of the Flies). That being said, I think this site has done very well all things considered. I do remember in the past that when comments do get out of hand those offenders are told to get the eff out of dodge. I also remember that Thor is the one who usually does the sherriff work. We all have a responsibility to clean up after the trash in the community and maybe we can start now?