Oh man, I’m getting together a mass email and test-messaging blast to everyone I know and lurkers to come on here and vote for my charity. Er, I meant my bar.
@ Lilith was formerly the hottest bartender. She was sacrificed on the Alter of Souls, and the more cliquey cvillains drank her blood during an elaborate ritual in the hopes that they may gain everlasting snark.
It didn’t work, but now we have to select our next offering. Its bound to work sooner or later.
All I know is Oxo, Casis and Ventana are the nicest to pregnant ladies (read: make me tasty, fruity rum-less drinks and don’t scoff at my spawn-induced sobriety), so that totally adds to the hotness. Unlike me, currently sporting elastic pants publicly (but not in a gym) for the first time since the second grade. Maternity clothing sucks (but 2o4’s generous donation to my wardrobe has vastly improved it - thanks you sexy mama).
Oh and THANK YOU for the person that voted for The Floozy Deck… at least there is ONE person on this whole site that has class. Fucked up class but class. LOL
@38, some time back Grapey professed a love for a certain Blue Moon server who happens to be ‘yo’s ex! And she also works at the Local [scroll down, I’m not posting another link to 3 comments later].
The second guy down the first line looks like Ozzy Osborne…. oh poor midget people- the genetic equivalent of accidentally putting a cashmere sweater into a hot cycle in the washing machine. So tragic and yet so funny when you take it out and it is a mini-sweater.
@46 I tried to wear my last one, but it cut off the circulation in my forearms and I couldn’t get it off again because my arms were so constricted and I had to be hauled out of it by my 8 year old who laffed so hard he peed his pants, because I just kept yelling “Get this fucking thing OFF ME NOW” and my bra came off with it.
/still paying for his therapy
The sad thing, is that there is a great lack for truly HOT bartenders in this town. And I’m talking big booty women bartenders. Yea, OXO has some cute little girls and there are a hand full of pretty ladies working around town. But truly HOT bartenders in this town? Maybe it’s that I don’t get out enough, or I’m just too used to being married, but I have yet to be so impressed by a HOTTIE behind a bar that I compulsively go back that bar.
Bang certainly has the hottest bartender in town, even according to the aforementioned Cassis contestant who is no longer in the running under the Cassis banner. That said I may be biased since we sleep in the same bed.
Uva…. there is an added bonus at Bang. Not only are they perky titted little skinny assed wenches, but they embrace the term ‘wait staff’ to its full extent and do you the honor of sending fucking text messages the length of the Old Testament while you are waiting to pay your check.In front of you.
/ If it wasn’t for the Lettuce Wrapped Korean Beef I would not return.
@67: YIKES!!! Sounds like there may be a personal story running deeply behind such an acerbic comment. Blantant customer disregard is annoying, and yours is certainly not the first complaint levied at Bang! Nevertheless, it fails to detract from the centerpiece of our discussion- the “perky titted” barristas.
Oh, there is a cute hostess at The Local if hostesses count . . .
No personal story Biased… as an ex-waitress, I just don’t like being totally ignored when I am the paying customer. I am not a high maintenance punter as they go… you supply the booze/nosh and I supply the cash… a symbiotic relationship which is spoiled when one side fails to meet their side of the deal. And a symbiotic deal gone bad becomes parasitic and the parasite will lose because as the host I fill in the credit card slip.
/ as a side issue I learned today that a cotton wool ball laden with liquid soap when applied to a tick will 90% of the time cause the tick to back out and migrate into the cotton wool ball.
So true, I wish I had your strength. As an ex-server myself, my misplaced sympathy pains generally foreclose any possibility of checking “parasitic” behavior through regulation of the tip jar. I suppose with age, my fiscal responsibility will mature. However, the older/more traveled I become the more I see the tables turned; finding that customers hungry for social acceptance (perhaps a veil for addiction of some sort or another) become the parasite, suckling at the teat of the provider of social lubrication who (b/c of suckers like myself and those overzealously pursuing peer approval in the shadow of People Magazine) stands somewhat unaffected by what otherwise would be condemnable server behavior.
Since that was somewhat tangential- the fact that Cassis’ now somewhat infamous bartender has left does not preclude a second look at another one of their servers, who deserves a nod for being a hot little number.
I’m biased like ‘biased’— my fave bartender at bang is not only one of the HOTTEST drink-slingers, but is undoubtedly amongst the top three hottest women in Charlottesville…
While I disagree with shenanigans’ ordering, Bang! bartender and sdigga are hands down the hottest girls I have seen in Cville. What’s more, they love caressing each other. How can you go wrong?
Can someone please set up a Bang style bar with great food but employ a team of ‘totty’ that bear an uncanny resemblance to a morbidly obese Quasimodo complete with a disgusting erupting skin condition and bad hair. It could be called ‘Fugleys’ and girls could go there when they have a really bad zit on their nose or are premenstrual and swollen up like the Michelin man. Men could go there…. oh fuck… they won’t go there. Destined to fail with 50% of the demographic excluded.
oh man, fugley’s is my new favorite imaginary bar. at fugley’s they serve really cheap jagerbombs and if you buy a round of five, you get a free pack of condoms and a paper bag. fugley’s is fucking hilarious.
Shit… I may be onto something here… the marketing is unfolding…
Laydeeez… are you tired of your man over tipping just because your cute waitress stuck out her 36DDs and brushed his arm with them when she was taking away the salad plates? Be assured that at FUGLEYS he will puke in his soup when he sees the ugly big assed witches that we have on staff. From hairy ‘pits, warty unplucked chins and a zero tolerance policy for Brazilian waxing, we ensure that your man will see you in a different light… even if it still has to be off.
Reservations advised.
“guys: are you tired of the same old cockteases at your favorite restaurants? do you sit at the bar and gawk week after week, wondering why the sweet smiles and coy, clandestine winks never materialize into sweaty, hair-pulling sex?
well, stop pouring money into that black hole! come one, come all, come over to fugley’s! we’re here late and our girls really know how to take CARE of their customers!”
i think i just turned fugley’s into a brothel. i don’t like it anymore.
reviews for fugley’s wil be graded not with stars but with degrees of muffintops. one a scale of muffintops from 1 to 5, fugley’s will get 5 muffintops.
Parlie.. did you know they sell Eggo muffintops as breakfast fare at Food Lion and Giant… blueberry and chocolate chip to be specific. Elucidate the use of the term ‘muffintop’ for the sake of us illegal aliens…
Disclaimer: I am legal…. I just like the romance of the whole ‘illegal’ thing and regularly sprint for and leap low walls and hedges, and then jump around screeching “WE MADE IT… our future is now assured because we are part of the American Dream”
OMFG Stanley I get some fucked up Arabic ALALALALALALLLLAAAAAAH symbol when I try that. For fear that our current government is tracking the use of such symbols, WTF do you mean typing&trade?
/seriously expecting SAS at my door any minute
muffintops is what happens when one’s jeans are too tight and one’s shirt is too short… and one’s belly looks like the top of a muffin puffing out of the muffin tin that is… one’s jeans.
Wow, that was lighting fast.
Thanks Scowly!
Oh man, I’m getting together a mass email and test-messaging blast to everyone I know and lurkers to come on here and vote for my charity. Er, I meant my bar.
you should twitter it, and then do some blogger. make friends with facebook and post it with email to your airport.
rss me a sandwich.
You should write it on parlie’s forehead, then spin him around ten times and hit him with a piñata. Times eleventy.
You should write it on parlie’s forehead, then spin him around ten times and hit him with a piñata
I thought that was what “twitter” meant.
/lilith ALWAYS let that happen.
@5 who is this Lilth? is it a Cheers references?
@ Lilith was formerly the hottest bartender. She was sacrificed on the Alter of Souls, and the more cliquey cvillains drank her blood during an elaborate ritual in the hopes that they may gain everlasting snark.
It didn’t work, but now we have to select our next offering. Its bound to work sooner or later.
/vote early, vote often!
the fake responses are why i love these polls
The oeuvre of lilith.
@7: Lilith would have never let that happen
Does it have to be a certified Bar organization or can homeschooled mixologists be added to the list?
And Cassis HAD the hottest bartender but no more and is therefore disqualified.
I’ve always thought Millers had the hottest bartenders. I like meat on my bones. And tats.
Rapture has the most droll bartender. That dude with the beard who never changes expression.
Oxo just has the skinniest bartenders. Skinny =| hot.
Ten has one hot bartender, but she has no sense of humor. So she’s not hot anymore.
216 has that hot redhead. But he’s married to the owner.
IMHO, Isabel at South Street is the hottest bartender, but OXO has multiple hot bartenders, so they get my vote.
Why is that all bars have hot bar-tending twins after my seventh shot?
Oh, and Grapey? I thought you liked the hot bartender at the Local…
@13 - that guy at Rapture looks just like the other guy from the “Dick in a Box” video.
This really hot bartender used to work at Bohème but then he quit. I heard he’s at Ten now or something.
OXO OXO OXO just sayin
SEVEN people voted for Applebee’s!?!? I didn’t even know seven people went to Applebee’s
Bang’s gonna win cuz they only employ 21 year olds from hot-piece-of-ass-land who wear tiny tank tops.
A satisfying sense of the absurd is sorely lacking in the overly serious villain community, but apparently it is not completely absent.
You’re a satisfyingly sensitive sore
I’ve been almost completely absent in the last two weeks. Does that count?
@20 This hot-piece-of-ass-land, do I need to get a special visa to go there and what kind of shots are needed?
(double entrée, perhaps even triple with a twist)
I vote for OXO and Cassis because I am comfortable pawing at the young ladies, and they let me
And so when are we voting on the hotness level of those who spin? Other than Parlie
@ 26 Count my ugly ass out of that contest. You win, why have a vote?
/must get turntable back soon, sorry so slack…
Beer Run. Couple nice looking girls and a MILF. The guys… well, they’re good bartenders’.
All I know is Oxo, Casis and Ventana are the nicest to pregnant ladies (read: make me tasty, fruity rum-less drinks and don’t scoff at my spawn-induced sobriety), so that totally adds to the hotness. Unlike me, currently sporting elastic pants publicly (but not in a gym) for the first time since the second grade. Maternity clothing sucks (but 2o4’s generous donation to my wardrobe has vastly improved it - thanks you sexy mama).
Where’s Ventana and who goes there?
TWO, where the hell have you been?!?! Obviously pawing other ladies. We’re so through.
OMFG Caroline…. does this mean you are lacking in the sacking?
Oh and THANK YOU for the person that voted for The Floozy Deck… at least there is ONE person on this whole site that has class. Fucked up class but class. LOL
What is served at the Floozy deck?
@33 you know, I have fucked up class I guess.
b-yo…why do you say that about Local?
Oh don’t be coy,grape, its unbecoming.
Put up or shut up.
i can’t even figure out where the Local has been brought up.?
/i can sit in the corner, but i will not wear a cap.
(waiting for Patrick Swazye to go into remission(wince) and tell you all, “no one puts scoriole in a corner”)!)
@38, some time back Grapey professed a love for a certain Blue Moon server who happens to be ‘yo’s ex! And she also works at the Local [scroll down, I’m not posting another link to 3 comments later].
with Julia gone from the ranks of bang!, the hotness creeps a bit downwards
But who am I kidding - they are still ridiculously hot!
Bang! is disqualified unless one of the bartenders sends us a cameraphone pic of her undies. Hear hear.
Fubar only garnered 5 votes?!? You people are obviously not drinking enough.
/damn, that street lamp is hawt
@41 perhaps I’m a bartender at Bang! This is the Internets and all that
The internet, you say? I thought it was more like this.
The second guy down the first line looks like Ozzy Osborne…. oh poor midget people- the genetic equivalent of accidentally putting a cashmere sweater into a hot cycle in the washing machine. So tragic and yet so funny when you take it out and it is a mini-sweater.
i had a mini-sweater. it had been my favorite actual-size sweater.
i sewed bells on the arms and wore it as a hat.
@46 I tried to wear my last one, but it cut off the circulation in my forearms and I couldn’t get it off again because my arms were so constricted and I had to be hauled out of it by my 8 year old who laffed so hard he peed his pants, because I just kept yelling “Get this fucking thing OFF ME NOW” and my bra came off with it.
/still paying for his therapy
LMAO.
The best is when you’re in shrinkage denial and think you can just stretch it back to its normal size if you just keep tugging on it all over.
@48 SHEN… are you trying to give me a heart attack?
/OVERLOAD OVERLOAD… MUST SHUT DOWN SYSTEM MUST SHUT DOWN SYSTEM
I MEANT THE SWEATER
/omfg
Gentleman, I think it might be wise to back away..slowly from this thread until Shen and Floozy have sorted this out
no way dude. i want my cashmere HJ.
hottest bartender is Scott the Cvillain mascot.
she’s right, you know. she’s always going to be right.
thanks parlie! you’re the second hottest bartender on the flooze deck
caroline, you’re the only girl i’ve ever met on the internet who hasn’t tried to kill me yet. that’s a very special thing to me.
yet…..the key word is YET.
@52 That’s wrong on so many levels.
/still can’t stop laughing however
I predict that parlie will be taken down by caroline after the space party.
thanks thaqor…i might make some cameo appearances this summer.
and yes, us bang bartenders are hot. the hottest in town. it’s sort of a job requirement. but only sort of…
The. Only. Hot. Anything. In. Cville is. X LOUNGE. For sure.
i already voted (i was joking about the parrot; are the rest of you serious?!), but then i remembered enoteca. that guy’s hot.
The sad thing, is that there is a great lack for truly HOT bartenders in this town. And I’m talking big booty women bartenders. Yea, OXO has some cute little girls and there are a hand full of pretty ladies working around town. But truly HOT bartenders in this town? Maybe it’s that I don’t get out enough, or I’m just too used to being married, but I have yet to be so impressed by a HOTTIE behind a bar that I compulsively go back that bar.
Bang certainly has the hottest bartender in town, even according to the aforementioned Cassis contestant who is no longer in the running under the Cassis banner. That said I may be biased since we sleep in the same bed.
let’s name names. i wanna know where to go and who to look for. and are we including servers in this equation?
clarence: i’m the only one listening. these skinny hipsters ain’t feelin you on the thickness.
servers=subs? Um, nevermind.
Uva…. there is an added bonus at Bang. Not only are they perky titted little skinny assed wenches, but they embrace the term ‘wait staff’ to its full extent and do you the honor of sending fucking text messages the length of the Old Testament while you are waiting to pay your check.In front of you.
/ If it wasn’t for the Lettuce Wrapped Korean Beef I would not return.
@67: YIKES!!! Sounds like there may be a personal story running deeply behind such an acerbic comment. Blantant customer disregard is annoying, and yours is certainly not the first complaint levied at Bang! Nevertheless, it fails to detract from the centerpiece of our discussion- the “perky titted” barristas.
Oh, there is a cute hostess at The Local if hostesses count . . .
No personal story Biased… as an ex-waitress, I just don’t like being totally ignored when I am the paying customer. I am not a high maintenance punter as they go… you supply the booze/nosh and I supply the cash… a symbiotic relationship which is spoiled when one side fails to meet their side of the deal. And a symbiotic deal gone bad becomes parasitic and the parasite will lose because as the host I fill in the credit card slip.
/ as a side issue I learned today that a cotton wool ball laden with liquid soap when applied to a tick will 90% of the time cause the tick to back out and migrate into the cotton wool ball.
So true, I wish I had your strength. As an ex-server myself, my misplaced sympathy pains generally foreclose any possibility of checking “parasitic” behavior through regulation of the tip jar. I suppose with age, my fiscal responsibility will mature. However, the older/more traveled I become the more I see the tables turned; finding that customers hungry for social acceptance (perhaps a veil for addiction of some sort or another) become the parasite, suckling at the teat of the provider of social lubrication who (b/c of suckers like myself and those overzealously pursuing peer approval in the shadow of People Magazine) stands somewhat unaffected by what otherwise would be condemnable server behavior.
Since that was somewhat tangential- the fact that Cassis’ now somewhat infamous bartender has left does not preclude a second look at another one of their servers, who deserves a nod for being a hot little number.
i nominate Floozy as hottest bartender.
i am certain Floozy knows how to make a very mean drink, and will have the attitude and sass i look for in my favorite bartenders.
/cheers!
I’m biased like ‘biased’— my fave bartender at bang is not only one of the HOTTEST drink-slingers, but is undoubtedly amongst the top three hottest women in Charlottesville…
@72 who are the other 2? Are they Cvillains?
i’m perhaps biased about that too— my roommate, the lovely LLJ, and shenanigans of course!! (my soon to be roommate!!)
@73 is this true shenanigans? Is sdigga hot as well? Will there be pillow fights?
The Bang chick is a hottie. But sdigga is the hottest. Can’t wait till you move in girlie!
While I disagree with shenanigans’ ordering, Bang! bartender and sdigga are hands down the hottest girls I have seen in Cville. What’s more, they love caressing each other. How can you go wrong?
Can someone please set up a Bang style bar with great food but employ a team of ‘totty’ that bear an uncanny resemblance to a morbidly obese Quasimodo complete with a disgusting erupting skin condition and bad hair. It could be called ‘Fugleys’ and girls could go there when they have a really bad zit on their nose or are premenstrual and swollen up like the Michelin man. Men could go there…. oh fuck… they won’t go there. Destined to fail with 50% of the demographic excluded.
“Destined to fail with 50% of the demographic excluded.”
kind of like hooters?
oh man, fugley’s is my new favorite imaginary bar. at fugley’s they serve really cheap jagerbombs and if you buy a round of five, you get a free pack of condoms and a paper bag. fugley’s is fucking hilarious.
I’m wearing an “I heart Fugley’s” shirt right now!
Shit… I may be onto something here… the marketing is unfolding…
Laydeeez… are you tired of your man over tipping just because your cute waitress stuck out her 36DDs and brushed his arm with them when she was taking away the salad plates? Be assured that at FUGLEYS he will puke in his soup when he sees the ugly big assed witches that we have on staff. From hairy ‘pits, warty unplucked chins and a zero tolerance policy for Brazilian waxing, we ensure that your man will see you in a different light… even if it still has to be off.
Reservations advised.
“guys: are you tired of the same old cockteases at your favorite restaurants? do you sit at the bar and gawk week after week, wondering why the sweet smiles and coy, clandestine winks never materialize into sweaty, hair-pulling sex?
well, stop pouring money into that black hole! come one, come all, come over to fugley’s! we’re here late and our girls really know how to take CARE of their customers!”
i think i just turned fugley’s into a brothel. i don’t like it anymore.
Fugley girls don’t put out…. they are saving themselves for when Brad leaves Angelina.
Fugley girls aren’t waiting for brangelina, they wait for Hasselhoff.
you guys are ruining the male segment marketing pitch. we’re trying to run a business here, come on.
@83 the only way Fugly has a chance if the food is really, really good.
And a whole lot of really big TV’s
BW3’s with good food
Oh! Can I review it?! Pick me, pick me.
/I can be bought - have big TVs with continuous feed of ESPN and so much beer your head would spin. 4 stars
reviews for fugley’s wil be graded not with stars but with degrees of muffintops. one a scale of muffintops from 1 to 5, fugley’s will get 5 muffintops.
How about just tops. We could say: “I give it two tops off.” Technically that is four…hmm…my mind has retreated to the gutter.
I just took off my top at Fugleys.
/wait, what?
Parlie.. did you know they sell Eggo muffintops as breakfast fare at Food Lion and Giant… blueberry and chocolate chip to be specific. Elucidate the use of the term ‘muffintop’ for the sake of us illegal aliens…
actually muffintops should be it’s own bar.
patent pending, you guys. patent pending.
Disclaimer: I am legal…. I just like the romance of the whole ‘illegal’ thing and regularly sprint for and leap low walls and hedges, and then jump around screeching “WE MADE IT… our future is now assured because we are part of the American Dream”
Appearing tonight at
Fugley Muffintops
The Parlie Hour
Fugley Muffintops is a great name of a band and googlenope
Fugley Muffintops™
©©©©©©©©©©©
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck C… where is that damn TM symbol? I am on a Mac and could not find it…disclaimer I am drunk.
98: You can make that symbol by typing ™ See?™
OMFG Stanley I get some fucked up Arabic ALALALALALALLLLAAAAAAH symbol when I try that. For fear that our current government is tracking the use of such symbols, WTF do you mean typing&trade?
/seriously expecting SAS at my door any minute
flooze, on macs alt+R
don’t tell anyone else.
Oh C you are such a sweeeeetie.. are you on tenderhooks like I am about the truth Dieter is going to give me?
no, i don’t like tenderhooks.
Bang! girls are hot.
the OXO crew… totally hot.
the girls at Ten… way hot!
eduardo, *ahem*
muffintops is what happens when one’s jeans are too tight and one’s shirt is too short… and one’s belly looks like the top of a muffin puffing out of the muffin tin that is… one’s jeans.
btw the muffintops explanation was @92 because she is FOB.
Y’all need to get out more. Dang.
It’s tenterhooks, idiots
1. “Arabic Alalalaa….etc”…nice…nice. The Jihad thanks your ignorance.
2. I lub muffintops. I wanna lick and suck ‘em.
The 2 guys upstairs at millers are the 2 hottest male bartenders in charlottesville