So I am officially ending my vacation, breaking the chains of my previous imprisonment, and embracing the food scene in full force. I am skinny, weak and oh so hungry. I was told by my superiors that Cville wasn’t ready for a trigger happy food critic…some of you think otherwise.
Let’s clear up some air over here. First a little background on myself so you don’t think I am completely full of the shizzle. I was born in this country to a family of European parents who absolutely love food. If there was one time in the day where we can break the Guinness Book of World Records record for loudest conversation, it was definitely at the dinner table. Eating is not just a necessity for me, it’s life. It is the conductor to my life’s symphony. My parents have spent the last 30 years in the food business with me at their side, so inevitably, I have a particularly strong connection with food.
I literally grew up eating filet mignon, poached salmon, caviar and champagne (not only those things). All these things seemed normal to me until we had “open lunch” in high school where my friends would come over at noon and all raid the refrigerator. Instead of the usual ramen or cold cut sandwiches, we had racks of roasted tenderloin, pasta, salad, etc…looking back it must have appeared very ridiculous. Needless to say, my palate and nose have evolved over the years to something a little better than decent. No, I cannot sniff a 1997 Rothschild and tell you where the grape came from and how many times it got laid that year, but I am discerning enough to know when something tastes good or bad.
Having traveled the world over (most of it anyhow), I have sampled the fancy foods and traditional ethnic dishes that make themselves mandatory in our local restaurants. That being said, I have a reasonable benchmark when looking at food in Cville. I avoid the use of a high benchmark because all I am looking for is good food.
What is good food? It makes you feel like you are at someone’s home…you want to help yourself to seconds but you cannot because the waiter would inevitably drop kick you as you try to sneak in the kitchen. That feeling is what I search for. So for all of you under the wrong impression, I am not looking for tartare with truffle juice, seared fois gras and a Grenache foam. I am just looking for something to take me back to a higher place…something that transforms a mere evening into a trip back to……….France, Italy, Spain, momma’s kitchen, whatever…
When a restaurant puts any item on a menu they are claiming to have an interpretation of that item, I get that. The execution of an interpretation is the most important thing. No one recipe needs to be a carbon copy of what Louis XIV’s chef made back when we all wore wigs, but something that inspires that sensation be it with a traditional or a modern twist. This is where a review of Boheme’s tartare came to bear fruit. It sucked, plain and simple. No feeling, no complexity, no taste.
All I seek in Cville is something that will inspire me. I approach every meal with an open mind. It’s dishes like the aforementioned tartare that create an instant road block. Trust me if it was good I would be more than happy to inform you all of it.
To all of you restaurant owners and chefs…I know you are all on the defensive when I post something negative about your restaurant and its dishes, but take this as criticism and friendly advice you would not receive otherwise. I do take time to write these things…so take time to think about it. If you try to fix the recipe/presentation/whatever, let us know so we can come back for a taste Part II. Life is all about improvement and I would love it if every restaurant in town blew my pants off the moment I walk through the door. I cannot recount the times where a waiter will come back after a shitty meal and ask “How was your dinner?” and the whole table says, “Oh…it was great!”. When really we want to say how awful the bread was, or that the steak that was asked to be cooked medium was delivered looking like it still had a heartbeat. I am only talking about Boheme at the moment because that evening’s dinner is coming back to me full force, but I can’t believe for a second someone trained in the culinary arts could be pleased with that tartare or my vegetarian entrée that I had for dinner. Restaurant chefs and managers should treat every night as the only night of their lives. What usually happens is a restaurant will get great reviews during its opening quarter, and then when they have an established clientele they drop quality, fire the chef, etc…Well this just pisses people off, and I won’t have any of it. Just because the local paper says you have the best XYZ doesn’t mean it is set in stone. Every night has to be your best. Few restaurants in Cville deliver this consistent quality time and time again.
This leads me to the vegetarian issue. Yes, it should be ok for someone to order a vegetarian entrée at any restaurant and expect it to be just as good, if not better than anything else on the menu. If it’s on the menu it’s fair game. If a restaurant doesn’t agree it shouldn’t have it on the menu.
Menu Menu Menu
So the food is one component and the service is the other. A waiter can make or break an evening of supposed good food. You ordered the steak medium and they placed it in the kitchen as rare (Petit Pois-or was that a snooty chef who wouldn’t cook a hanger steak any other way?)…you ask for a Mojito 4 times and the waiter brings everyone else at the table their drinks, Mojito’s included, along with bringing drinks to the person who showed up after you and ordered a Mojito after you (the Local). Yes, they are equally as important as the soldiers in the kitchen. That being said, I will try to distinguish and give accountability to the responsible person when credit or demerit is due. The thing is the waiters are a restaurant’s infantry…the dish the goods, and defend the kitchen from chef happy and angry customers. They usually bear the brunt of someone’s criticism if made vocal on an evening and it really shouldn’t be that way. Don’t knock the messenger right? Unless the messenger got your message wrong, then you can feel free to knock away.
So that’s it, I am back and hope to eat well in Cville. Any thoughts? Leave em’ at the beep.
HONK!
Popularity: 31% [?]
Tagged as: casual dining, critic, cville food, fancy food, raw food, Restaurant Review, slow food, vegan
whether it be the fresh breeze of a subtle seasoning on my morning omelet, or the gale force wind of a robust thai shrimp, i want to eat my food without pants.
Wow, I can’t wait to see what B’YO has to say/draw about this
Yeah. I couldn’t be a critic because my family always hated food.
Back to the tartare at Boheme? Jesus Christ.
i heart cocoNUT.
Hey coco, glad you’re back. But for realsy, people who order Mojitos are douchebags.
@6, then who are people who order a firecrotch?
Wait did Thor just say “douchebags= firecrotch”?
@7: Awesome people with a delightful sense of irreverence.
omfg, what is a firecrotch? Sounds like something from a Charlie Sheen movie.
Vanillavy, have you been locked in the basement for the last 2 months?
a firecrotch is a gatorade and sugar wine monstrosity. it’s made for
…who have a thing for soul-crushing hangovers.
@10: A tasty combination of Patricia Kluge’s CRU mixed with Red Gatorade. Eduardo invented it and Caroline named it. I serve it at OXO.
@12: Um, hello, it has Gatorade in it? You boys love the Gatorade.
And if you don’t like it, Patricia Kluge will crash through a cement wall and punch you in the face.
/Aboriginal Art: the original AA
wine and gatorade? seriously? Sounds like cough syrup.
@15: Ahaha, now I’m picturing PK as the Koolaid Man jumping through a brick wall with a pitcher of Firecrotch.
@15 OH YEEEEAAAAHH!
tuffy: 1
internet: 0
@14 Sorry gatorade is dead- it’s all about the G2
@16: Not everyone can handle the Firecrotch. But for realsy, the wine part is an aperitif that is kinda strong.
hee hee
Photo from Flikr.
CRU is a chardonnay that is fortified with brandy and aged in old Jack Daniels barrels.
so just to inform my ignorance, this is something that you wouldn’t find at a frat party?
@15, I’m picturing it more like the Janet Reno’s Dance Party skit from SNL.
/Shoulderpads are the essence of womanliness
@23: A frat of VA wine fans maybe
@24 Shoulder pads ? Like a linebacker baby!
Dieter, I must know you. Or maybe I am you. Shenanny, and I dieter?
@27: No, he wears moose boxers and speaks German.
X Lounge, if you’re listening, you need to stock up on Gatorade and CRU for Sunday.
@28 and I will not let her touch my monkey
@28 My thong and English confirm it. Thank you.
@31 is Tuffy a woman or is that a banana hammock your slinging?
@20 What’s the abv on that?
ABV? Huh?
Alcohol by Volume
Alcohol by Volume
LOL Stormy… are you me?
I don’t think so. But with the exact same capitalization, there is always a chance.
Damn alkies.
I prefer wino.
I prefer lush.
Um alcohol lover works too. Or better alcohotarian.
Alcophile
I prefer dipsomaniac.
By the way, any word on how strongly that CRU has been fortified?
Soberphobe.
I think it’s a real disease, soberphobia.
@45: Dunno. Let’s call over to Kluge Estate. 1 (434) 977-3895
@45 hahaha still looking for an answer? oddly enough, kluge’s website does not list abv among its descriptors. but of course they think it’s “best served cold or on the rocks,” so what do they know. …ooh, chocolate fondue!…
I’m calling them. Hold on.
I believe it is 18%
They said 18%. Go Echo.
Well I’m an alcophile, and I’m good with numbers.
if i knew how to fix that so it said “i’m an alcophile, & i’m a nerd,” i would.
I’m an alcophile and I’m a nerd.
*evil laugh*
@54 thanks.
Shouldn’t that have a comma?
@57 yes, thank you for noticing. & thank you for almost never texting me “your” when you mean “you’re.” that’s almost the biggest turnoff i can think of.
@57: Nerd.
Almost never? I attribute the occasional slip up to my alcophilism.
wow, it seems as though your words have been wasted by the look of petty comments that have nothing to do with food. Inspired writing coconut, I enjoyed it, most important line being that every night should be worked/treated like the only night of their lives. Well coconut, they don’t because the passion of cooking is fleeting with most young “chefs” (who are NOT chefs but cooks) I feel very strongly about food and do not go out for various reasons, one of which is that what I can do at home for my grandest audience surpasses what I can experience at most restaurants. Very few chefs in this town, too many cooks ans more that REALLY do not give a shit about what they do with food or how they do it. Good luck always in finding great inspired food to eat not just in C’ville but where ever you go. Peace and EAT WELL!!!
@13 shen, i luh you girl.
[…] so many great restaurants. Andrew does a great job at Zo.Ca.Lo. Brian delivers a great concept at Petit Pois. If I am in the mood for steak, no question its the Downtown Grill. That is the closest you can get […]