Calling All Bloggers, Please Report to the Internet

703.jpgCraig had a great idea the other day, about creating short bio’s for all of our writers. He pointed out that when it was just Thor and Lilith you pretty much knew what you were getting, but nowadays you really have no idea who or what lies behind the name. Is cocoNUT really the foodie he claims to be, or is he in fact salting your fries at McDonald’s? Or both? How about Gobbler and Stanley? Are they and I really enemies, or do we manufacture the drama and insults just to milk pageviews? (A: we are mortal enemies).

Some authors like it anonymous (which is fine, welcome to the internet, etc) but I’m going to submit a request: If you consider yourself a writer for this site and would like to have a bio (fake or otherwise), then send me something and we’ll build a page for author info. Try to keep it to about 75-100 words (American), and go crazy. Make it as serious or as ridiculous as you want. Now you can finally tell your mom that you’re famous!

mailto: parliecvl [at] gmail [dot] internet

Popularity: 27% [?]

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78 Responses to “Calling All Bloggers, Please Report to the Internet”

  1. 25 May 2008 at 3:32 pmdieter said:

    You may NOT use my photo unless I give you permission. Come on parlie that photo was just for you.
    I even have contacts now.

  2. 25 May 2008 at 4:18 pmparlie said:

    dude you must get so much ass. can i borrow your chain sometime?

  3. 25 May 2008 at 5:00 pmdieter said:

    #2 well I do get offers (not from the gender I prefer) but I need the chain to distract from the fact that i have no chin. I could loan it to you for tonight because it is OUTTA OF THIS WORLD!

  4. 25 May 2008 at 5:51 pmparlie said:

    that would be stellar.

  5. 25 May 2008 at 6:01 pmdieter said:

    @4 I’m sure your would look heavenly in it

  6. 25 May 2008 at 6:19 pmparlie said:

    pluto isn’t a planet anymore, did you guys know that? it’s true.

    citizens of pluto are the new palestinians.

  7. 26 May 2008 at 5:13 amscoriole said:

    are youkidding?1 i just spoke with two DuPont heir’s one of which had no idea what DuPont has done over the years
    = no idea while his trustfund comes from.
    /families like mine who lost their livliehood and farms.

    yet he stilll asked for a fru-fur drink and got his dander up.

    you are kidding, (i know you aren’t).
    but here it is- i work too much, would love to have a hostel /dj spot/artspace/tea-coffee house farm. and maybe a boyfriend.
    and random chances where i meet a 21 year old trustifarian who is amazed DuPont made his family wealthy while destroying mine amazes me. all i can do is chuckle. it’s probably a good thing i can laugh. (he didn’t even know DuPont made plastic. let alone chemical fertilizers or kevlar).
    no idea.
    he’s rich.
    i’m fine, but ignorant people like him don’t help much.

    /i do what i can. you may not know me, you may… but it’s a very very mad world, at times.

  8. 26 May 2008 at 5:14 amscoriole said:

    duh. pluto isn’t a planet, it’s a way of thinking…..

  9. 26 May 2008 at 8:55 amparlie said:

    another good term for “trustifarian” is “credit card hippie.” i love euphamisms about people i hate.

    also: if you guys don’t send me any bio info i’m going to write it myself. you don’t want that, do you?

  10. 27 May 2008 at 1:30 amStanley said:

    Bio sent!

  11. 27 May 2008 at 1:54 amUva LaGrape said:

    I think when you click on the name of a post writer you should get their bio or a list of the posts they’ve written

  12. 27 May 2008 at 7:04 amTheUpstart said:

    Trustifarian was used in the past to describe extremely wealthy kids who go ” on tour” for bands like Phish and The Dead (they weren’t alive during the Jerry years).

    Preparation includes buying “tour clothes”, having the Land Rover detailed, making reservations at suitable hotels, and procuring the necessary party favors…lots of them. Post-tour internet activity yields stories of sleepless weekends and pictures taken with tour rats, with whom trustifarians find themselves fairly often. Inevitably, post-tour will also include a threat from daddy to cut the trustifarian off and promises that they’ll never touch (insert illicit substance), which works out until the next show or Thursday, whichever comes first.

    Popular spots to view trustifarians: the VIP bar at Walnut Creek, front row at Red Rocks (the women convince a wannabe to spread their tarp and babysit it), the Ritz in ATL on NYE, a penthouse in Orange Beach (borrowed from mummy’s tennis partner), any bar in Charleston, SC.

    My name’s The Upstart. My gossip melts your face.

  13. 27 May 2008 at 7:50 amparlie said:

    i can’t feel my face. i’m going to make that your bio.

  14. 27 May 2008 at 9:11 ammc said:

    My gossip melts your face.

    I believe that phrase is already in use.

  15. 27 May 2008 at 9:13 amStanley said:

    14: Oh, snap.

  16. 27 May 2008 at 9:19 ammc said:

    got yer back.

  17. 27 May 2008 at 9:41 amshenanigans said:

    My name is shenanigans and my writing style is called verbal diarrhea. And I like to make people cry. Then I drink their delicious tears.

  18. 27 May 2008 at 9:41 amshenanigans said:

    Wait, what?

  19. 27 May 2008 at 10:15 amLu Sid said:

    @11-You can just type a name in the search bar and all of their posts will be listed.

  20. 27 May 2008 at 10:29 amTheUpstart said:

    “Melt your face” has been used in music circles for years, derived from “steal your face”. Tisk, tisk, if you think a local musician came up with that one.

  21. 27 May 2008 at 10:36 ammc said:

    not saying a local did, but just that locals are prominiently using it right now.

    also, is ’steal your face’ a misspelling of ’steel your face’ (the well known industrialized version of ‘rock your face’)?

  22. 27 May 2008 at 11:21 amicenine said:

    Steal your face is a prominent GD logo that I think was originally designed at least partially by Ken Kesey (later modified by Bob Thomas and named for the line, “steal your face right off your head.”) I think they first used it to mark their equipment for travel…

    I might be wrong, as I don’t claim to be, like, ser heady enough to know all my GD lore…

    Also, Upstart, you forgot to include one of the most crucial parts of Trustafarianism in your description: Malnourishing your dog. The ritualistic denying of food toward ones canine counterpart in preparation for tour is right up there with the party favors and Land Rover detailing…

    Shame on you for missing that point ;-) lol…

  23. 27 May 2008 at 11:23 amicenine said:

    @21, I think this is what you were talking about…

    http://img.groundspeak.com/waymarking/display/73729204-5aa4-47c8-bcca-621f2b3d3d48.jpg

  24. 27 May 2008 at 11:36 amGobbler said:

    I know where you live, Parlie.

    It’s also about shameless pageviews and picking on the weak.

    …and, yes, melting the face of the internet.

  25. 27 May 2008 at 12:29 pmTuesday said:

    Stalker Alert!

  26. 27 May 2008 at 1:05 pmdieter said:

    @25 Can have I one? Does anyone else need one?

  27. 27 May 2008 at 1:24 pmTuesday said:

    Ha. Yeah, you can have orchid, but you have to move to CA for 10.5 weeks.
    Will you be joining us at SS tonight newbie?

  28. 27 May 2008 at 1:37 pmdieter said:

    I’m am in DC right now attending a seminar- thank god they have wireless or I would be asleep. How late does this thing go on (you will excuse me for not using the term SS, not so funny to me).

    Also, how will I know it Cvillains- will you all have the mark of the beast?

  29. 27 May 2008 at 1:40 pmTuesday said:

    Why is SS (South Street) not so funny? Wait, was it supposed to be? Did I miss something again?
    You will definitely know who we are. I promise. I am sure we will be around pretty late tonight since our orchid is leaving us.

  30. 27 May 2008 at 1:41 pmecho said:

    I’ll be the one who’s drunk and possibly being very loud. Tuesday if you missed the SS joke, I did too. I thought we were just abbreviating.

  31. 27 May 2008 at 1:44 pmoy said:

    SS = Shutzstaffeln. Nazi bad guys.

    /we’re taking SS back

  32. 27 May 2008 at 1:47 pmTuesday said:

    You just had to bring out the education didn’t you oy. Gosh just when I thought I could count on you to keep me drunk and ignorant.
    PS-Did I say thanks for coming? Well, thanks for coming. You are SUPER! Plus, I had fun molesting you with Shen.

  33. 27 May 2008 at 1:49 pmdieter said:

    Not that you would know this but the SS or Schutzstaffel is not a happy topic in my family.

    Perhaps orchid would like to mock me and my sexual confusion.
    But Shen won’t be there to mock me in general
    The beer is gud- so the pro’s seem to outweigh the con’s

    I am at the mercy of my co-workers but I will try

  34. 27 May 2008 at 1:51 pmGobbler said:

    Unrelated - I was playing bocci this weekend and my friend nicknamed himself “Duck Pin”, which we affectionately shorted to DP. Talk about bad choice of initials.

  35. 27 May 2008 at 1:53 pmdieter said:

    Well now I feel silly, what does DP stand for?

  36. 27 May 2008 at 1:58 pmparlie said:

    daily progress.

    also, more likely in this case, donkeypunch.

  37. 27 May 2008 at 2:00 pmGobbler said:

    also, double penetration. he’s a serious porn nerd.

  38. 27 May 2008 at 2:01 pmoy said:

    shen claims not to remember the molestation, but I think she’s just repressing the memory of the best grope she’s ever had because she knows it can never be - my heart belongs to you.

    looking forward to further molestation tonight. And, if you’re good, I might just molest you back.

    /and by “good” I mean “bad”

  39. 27 May 2008 at 2:05 pmTuesday said:

    Me? Bad? Never ;)

  40. 27 May 2008 at 2:08 pmshenanigans said:

    Surprise surprise, I don’t remember half the Space party. Do NOT pre-game with grain alcohol jello shooters. And do NOT give one to your Grandma. She will throw up all over herself.

  41. 27 May 2008 at 2:08 pmoy said:

    let’s go to a playground and find out…

  42. 27 May 2008 at 2:13 pmTuesday said:

    Hahaha. She you crack me up. Do you remember telling me you would bring B&G to Waynesboro. You totally did.
    Oy, you are the definition of trouble :)

  43. 27 May 2008 at 2:20 pmoy said:

    you have NO idea…

    /well, maybe a small one

  44. 28 May 2008 at 9:07 amparlie said:

    hey you guys. send me your autobiographical paragraphs. i feel like your third grade teacher.

    shenanigans
    cocoNUT
    vanillavy
    lu sid
    tuesday
    THOR

    … and so on. PARLIECVL [AT] GMAIL. send a picture too.

  45. 28 May 2008 at 9:24 amdieter said:

    Hey I didn’t know shenanigans wrote about politics.

  46. 28 May 2008 at 9:44 amLu Sid said:

    This is totally my photo

    http://www.lifeisajoke.com/pictures607_html.htm

    /hahahaha

  47. 28 May 2008 at 10:38 amshenanigans said:

    Here’s mine

  48. 28 May 2008 at 10:41 amLu Sid said:

    Oh my.

  49. 28 May 2008 at 10:42 amLu Sid said:

    Parlie will so never be taken seriously.

  50. 28 May 2008 at 10:43 ambelmont yo said:

    @44 Jeez. Take a few days off and one gets dropped from the regulars list. Fickle bitches.

  51. 28 May 2008 at 10:44 amdieter said:

    @47 that parlie space goo has mutagen powers.

  52. 28 May 2008 at 10:58 amshenanigans said:

    @50: You did bitch out on the Space party. Just sayin’.

  53. 28 May 2008 at 11:19 ambelmont yo said:

    @52 You’re right. Designing all the collateral gratis was a real “bitch out”. Pardon me for being out of town…

    sheesh.

  54. 28 May 2008 at 11:22 amdieter said:

    @53 OH Snap!

  55. 28 May 2008 at 11:32 amshenanigans said:

    @53: You sound bitter about the free work. Maybe you should take that up with D/R, not moi.

  56. 28 May 2008 at 11:33 ambelmont yo said:

    I have not yet begun to snap.

    The face-melting rock and roll of the Raconteurs at the 9:30 club last night has me all feisty.

    /what? you thought I was all disco all the time?

  57. 28 May 2008 at 11:37 ambelmont yo said:

    You sound bitter about the free work

    No, I sound bitter about being accused of of “bitching out”, which I assume means “not contributing”, when I did in fact contribute, even though I could not attend. Just so were clear.

  58. 28 May 2008 at 11:38 amFloozy said:

    Nothing wrong with a bit of pro bono… warms the cockles of your heart.

  59. 28 May 2008 at 11:57 amshenanigans said:

    @57: No I meant, not showing up. We were disappointed.

  60. 28 May 2008 at 12:03 pmTuesday said:

    I left you a message B yo–from what I remember though it was kind of mean. We missed your face.

  61. 28 May 2008 at 12:04 pmTuesday said:

    PS-I LOVE your shirt. I wear it with nothing else so not to take away from its beauty.

  62. 28 May 2008 at 12:08 pmoy said:

    I’ll be in my bunk

  63. 28 May 2008 at 12:13 pmmc said:

    @57, 59, et al : peace, brothers and sisters, peace. Just chronic misunderstanding between bloggers. You mean no harm to each other.

  64. 28 May 2008 at 12:14 pmTuesday said:

    @62 I don’t get it.

  65. 28 May 2008 at 12:18 pmoy said:

    assume the worst…

  66. 28 May 2008 at 12:19 pmFloozy said:

    @64 Keep walking around in just a t-shirt and you will.

  67. 28 May 2008 at 12:21 pmdieter said:

    @64 have you been to a playground lately?

  68. 28 May 2008 at 12:25 pmbelmont yo said:

    @ 60 Yeah, I got that message, but I didn’t know if it was joking, mocking or bitch-mocking. Things are so confusing anymore. I need a reference manual to social interaction.

    @ 63 No worries, its just the iinternets
    .

    @ 64 Well, not to mince words, it means he will be masturbating
    to the image you conjured up. I forget the movie that line comes from, though… anyone?

    /yeah, yeah, i know… multiple links equals “awaiting moderation”. sigh…

  69. 28 May 2008 at 12:34 pmshenanigans said:

    @68: That comment was directed at ff, not yourself. Her only comments are only ever bitchy mocking.

  70. 28 May 2008 at 12:45 pmThor said:

    What’s a playground?

  71. 28 May 2008 at 12:48 pmdieter said:

    @70 Tuesday mentioned it yesterday

  72. 28 May 2008 at 12:49 pmTuesday said:

    @66 - I’ll have to keep that in mind. It actually explains a lot.
    @67 - UNFORTUNATELY no.
    @68 - It was truly meant to be playful. Alcohol may have interfered with the relay. Also, thanks for the edumacation :)

  73. 28 May 2008 at 12:53 pmTuesday said:

    Yeah Thor, geez…
    http://cvillain.com/2008/05/26/step-aside-parlie/#comment-54298

  74. 28 May 2008 at 1:03 pmFloozy said:

    @73… Tues… you know all the parents of small kids on this board are going to be spraying the park swings with Lysol because of you.

  75. 28 May 2008 at 1:05 pmTuesday said:

    Hey, hey it is not the swings (I stay dressed and keep it clean on them) - it is the jungle gym you need to be cleaning. :) Don’t say you have no similar fetishes…we all know you too well to believe that.

  76. 28 May 2008 at 1:06 pmdieter said:

    @74 they already use the clorox wipes for their precious snowflakes

  77. 28 May 2008 at 2:21 pmoy said:

    it’s from Firefly

  78. 28 May 2008 at 6:55 pmTheUpstart said:

    Malnourishing your dog. The ritualistic denying of food toward ones canine counterpart in preparation for tour is right up there with the party favors and Land Rover detailing…

    You must be familiar with the “No Puppy Pullers” t-shirts? :)

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