Summertime is right around the corner, and public school teachers around the country are rejoicing. It is the time of year when we finally look back at the nine and a half months of blood, sweat, and tears, and realize that it was totally worth it. While older teachers have families to attend to during the summer, a younger teacher like myself truly gets to live it up. While my friends have to get up early and go to work on these beautiful summer days, I get to sleep in and do pretty much whatever I want. Many of my friends seem to think that it is unfair that I get paid to do nothing for an entire summer. This is because they don’t quite understand what teachers have to put up with during the school year to earn their time off. While most teachers I know (myself included) love what they do for a living, there are always a few students that will drive even the most composed teacher nuts:
The Kid Who Always Asks To Use the Bathroom: I am a teacher, and because of that I am equipped with a built-in lie detecting device in my brain. I can tell the difference between a kid who actually needs to go, and a kid that doesn’t. If you’re asking me twice a day, every day, it isn’t any easier to fool me, buddy. This isn’t the Lotto…more plays does not increase your chance of winning the bathroom pass game.
The “Last Word” Kid: I am a teacher with a lot of patience. If you don’t have a lot of patience, then you are in the wrong line of work. But I cannot stand “last word” kid. This student usually makes an appearance with the infamous, “I wasn’t talking” line, and then escalates it into some fiery soliloquy about the injustice of such a bold accusation. Just say sorry and I’ll be glad to skip the impassioned debate, thank you very much.
Disgusting PDA Couple: Ew. I know you just discovered the birds and the bees and such, but, ew. That’s all I am going to say about this one.
Smelly Kid: Oh god, this one might be one of the worst. I teach kids, and kids can be smelly, especially when they just get back from gym class. I accept that and it doesn’t usually bother me. But there’s always that one student that strikes fear in the heart of every teacher in a windowless classroom with broken air conditioning on a hot spring afternoon. If there was a live-action motion picture of Charlie Brown, this kid would land the role of Pigpen without an audition.
No Homework But Always Has An Excuse Kid: Remembering that we have built-in lie detector devices, teachers can always tell if your excuse is legit. I would rather a student be honest with me and say they don’t have anything than to use the same lame excuse. “I left it at home” works like maybe twice, at least offer some variety to the bullshit you are feeding me on a consistent basis.
Please keep in mind that there are only a small number of kids that drive me crazy. The vast majority of my students are wonderful children that never fail to remind me of why I chose this profession. I’ll be honest, teachers sometimes even miss their students a little bit over the summer. Even “last word” kid. 
Scowly was on Flickr and decided to grab the pic above for itself.
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Tagged as: Charlottesville, College, education, elementary school, high school, middle school, university
curious how old are the kids you teach? Sounds like you have a mix of young dirty kids (smelly kids), and hormone driven teenagers (Disgusting PDA couple). Also, do you ever call out the kids with the PDA? LIke, “hey Sally, get your tongue out of Jason’s throat”…I am sure you can get pretty creative when this happens on a consistent basis!
young enough to be stinky, old enough to have raging hormones, it could only be…middle school
This makes “Confessions of a Barmaid” look like Sesame Street.
ooooooh but how about the PDA outing? If I were a teacher I would derive great pleasure in mortifying students like that, especially if it was during a lesson!
3: but will it get 180 comments from stinky kids expressing their outrage at being called stinky? I doubt it.
I am OUTRAGED! Mr. Odie is a total jerk in class, he wouldn’t even let me drink a Bud Light. something about keeping the rednecks out of his class or something. at least he offered me a Stella.
Ah, teaching middle school. Frequently hilarious, terrifying, exasperating, but hardly ever boring.
I was a volunteer teacher for 2 summers at a school for handicapped (blind, deaf, autistic) children, grades 1-6. At first I was uncomfortable, and even a little scared, but it was one of the most rewarding experiences I have ever had.
@1,2 my students were stinky and PDAy, & i taught community college.
late one night (it was an 8:30pm class), this big dude yelled in my face for being “racist” because i after he came in late, repeatedly got up to answer his cell phone (& started to talk on it while still in the room), & wan’t being prepared, i told him to leave. of course, the white kids weren’t talking on their cell phones during class (that night). scary.
@9. That’s why I respect teachers a lot! There are difficult jobs and there are gratifying ones. This one falls in between and being able to take all that while not being paid enough takes heart.
Kudos to you guys. Enjoy your summer!
If you teachers are going to be going through some sort of withdrawals, you are perfectly welcome to come mow my lawn whilst I alternately ignore you and bombard you with irrational arguments regarding irrelevant subjects.
/just putting it out there.
My kid is one of those who always has to use the bathroom because she really always has to use the bathroom. For years I’ve had to contact every teacher she comes in contact with to explain that — usually to no avail. Navigating the draconian you-may-only-go-to-the-bathroom-once-a-day rule has been hellish from our perspective. Could you please lighten up on that one please?
Oniss, this is where the built-in lie detector in my brain comes into play. while your child is unique and special (not being sarcastic), there are 22 other kids in the class that are all going to demand the exact same privileges. since i teach older kids (i.e. out of elementary school), it’s pretty ridiculous to grant someone a bathroom pass more than once a class period unless there is a medical condition that is brought to my attention beforehand.
Part of the problem: The ‘built-in lie detector’ is an ostensible staple of every teacher I’ve talked to. Alas, the built-in variety is no more accurate than the other kind.
The concept that going to the bathroom is a privilege just about floors me.
The sad truth is that going to the bathroom is a privilege in school because too many students would abuse a free, come-and-go system. Do you honestly think that a group of 13 year olds (remember, we aren’t talking about YOUR kid, we are talking about an entire group of 20-25 kids) are mature enough to police themselves on responsible uses of hall passes? Part of being a teacher is having to make rules that apply to the entire group, not just some students. If i gave an extra credit opportunity to some students in the class, but not to your child, you would be upset. Same goes with the bathroom pass (as mundane as it may seem). If I let your kid go to the bathroom three times a class period, then I have to let EVERYONE use the bathroom three times a class period. Even if I know that your child would be responsible about it, unfortunately there are many students that wouldn’t be. Without order, there will be chaos. If there is chaos, you can be sure that the class’ learning experience will suffer.
Shen, this would be the perfect place to score an “OH SNAP” hat trick this morning
Granted I work with much younger children but,
What’ could be worse than kids constantly asking to use the bathroom all day long? Kids using the bathroom on themselves-and then having to clean it up.. ahh working with preschool kids is sooooooooo CUTE!
@16: I thought about it. That or “TOLD!” but decided I was already over-dominating the Recent comments box.
@17 case in point as to why i would go crrrrrrrrrrrrrrazy teaching the young-ins. my hat goes off to you for having even more patience than i do.
“Many of my friends seem to think that it is unfair that I get paid to do nothing for an entire summer.”
Odie,
As a teacher in the Charlottesville area for the past 18 years, I would just like to clarify something that you said which isn’t exactly accurate. We do have our summers off. However, it is not a “paid vacation” as many would like to say. It is, in fact, forced unemployment. We are paid for 200 days out of 365. This means that those days off near Christmas, Spring Break and all of summer break are all unpaid time. We are paid for the standard holidays, but we also do not have some of the federal holidays off.
So - if your friends are jealous, so be it. They do not have 165 days of unpaid time during their work year. We do. The next time they are green with envy, just remind them that those summer moments of rest and relaxation are well deserved and, not, in fact, paid vacation.
but decided I was already over-dominating the Recent comments box
Lord I have been there. Nothing says “i have no life” like seeing your nic up at the top of every recent comment.
/then again, i don’t have a life so…
@20 but you get 26 paychecks a year though, right? therefore, you’re getting paid for 365 days but not getting paid a whole lot. don’t appreciate your three months of vacation? get a side job.
22: My mom, as a teacher in the Richmond area before going into 12-month status, had the option (I think) of getting 26 paychecks per year or getting bigger checks, but only for the nine months she was teaching. Is this standard practice, teachertariat?
/I know you’re all awake; you’re on
vacationyour well-deserved resting period.@22 and 23: It’s true, most school divisions give you the option of 10 or 12 paychecks. It’s funny, it seemed like when I was teaching, 1/2 the teachers would be like Odie and head for the hills for the summer, travelling and relaxing. The other half would be like me, scrambling to line up second or third jobs (if you weren’t already moonlighting during the school year bartending, waiting tables, tutoring, etc.).
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@20 i understand what you are saying, and it does make sense. that is the kind of thing all of the teacher unions will tell you. but lets be real, i work a full time job all school year, and then I have 2.5 months off where I still collect the same paycheck. i call that paid vacation.
hahahaha, “forced unemployment.” i am going to use that one.
@22, 23, 24 usually it’s 12 paychecks a year (once a month). i have heard of school divisions allowing you to opt for 9 or 10 bigger checks instead of 12 smaller ones, but in my (admittedly short) experience, i have yet to encounter the option.
Yea, teachers totally get 2.5 months off. Let’s be real.
@27 if you’ve been a teacher, or had one in your family, or dated or married one, you would know that 8 weeks of summer barely comes close to making up for the ridiculously draining commitment of time and energy that the school year requires. not to mention the compensation money-wise is barely adequate, too.
more teachers than you realize spend money out-of-pocket for classroom supplies, work a lot of grueling 10-hour days, and spend a lot of time dealing with after/before school activities, meetings, parent conferences, etc….. They don’t walk in at 8:15, punch a time-card, and leave exactly 8 hours later, you know. by comparison, every job that isn’t a teacher has it pretty easy, IMHO.
if you think it’s such a cake-walk, what grade will you be teaching in next September? I’d love to come by the classroom and perform an evaluation on you after your first couple weeks.
Teachers deserve more respect, and $$. let’s be real.
I lovvvvve teachers, I have four in my immediate family. I would not want to do the work they do. I have nothing but respect for them.
That said, during my not too distant history working 50 hours a week in a white collar job pulling in about 25k a year, forgive me for occasionally rolling my eyes at their complaints of their paychecks, which typically averaged about double mine.
i’m glad for your lovvve of teachers. i myself share a bed with one, so i guess i’m predisposed to carry their banner of righteousness.
but, also know, their “average” salary of about 50k? not quite. some school systems are in a pay-scale freeze and they’re not getting the usual scheduled cost-of-living-barely-keeping-up-with-inflation raise this year. at least I know that to be true for a few of our neighboring counties - i don’t know about city of cville and alb.county.
And it takes until at least year three to reach the mid-$30k range. If you want to compare your 25k job, they other side of the fence isn’t as green as it looks from down there in that range (which i assume was entry-level, pre-housing bubble, pre-weakening dollar, and pre-wall-street roller-coaster? - Thank you GWB43!!!)
working poor is still working poor. anyone see Bill Moyers journal last week?
i feel that we may in fact be kindred spirits with our memories of shitty starting jobs. i served a 1 year sentance making 9.50/hr in call center hell at a certain ticketing/merchandising company whose name rhymes with “schmoosic schmooday”. ugh……
@30 i’m glad you’re supporting the teacher cause here but I gotta call you on your claim about teacher salaries
“it takes until at least year three to reach the mid-$30k range”
we actually do make a little more money than that. not a lot more, but a little more. the absolute lowest you’re gonna start at in this area with zero experience is around $36,000 or so. if you are lucky enough to get a position in albemarle/cville schools, they start at well over $40,000. and that’s not even including the Master’s supplement, which (literally) almost every new teacher will have coming out of college in Virginia. if you factor that in, then by year 3 you would be making over $45,000 a year in Charlottesville/Albemarle.
do i wish i made more money that is commensurate to the difficulty of my job and my education level? absolutely, but i try not to waste too much energy worrying about all that. i picked the profession because i love what i do, not because i was going to live like a king. just like every job, teaching has its benefits and its drawbacks. one of the drawbacks is definitely the salary but IMHO the benefits of the job far outweigh that fact.
i don’t think any of us our saying that teachers have it easy. trust me, i know how difficult my job is. i was simply saying that i enjoy my summer off with paychecks, and honestly who wouldn’t?
I did say I wasn’t 100% certain about teh city and the county - but i do know about some of our neighboring counties.
so, thanks, Odie, that’s good to know. I will be encouraging a certain teacher i know to get a job in Albermarle, like, ASAP. 3 years in her county and she’s most definitely *not* pulling in 45k.
but I do know that starting this week she will be a much happier person like 95% of the time. summers off - definitely a good thing.
@30: Boo hoo. Try making $7.50 an hour to clean up cat and dog shit at the local SPCA. At least you got to sit on your ass at “Schmoosic Schmooday.” And sorry you didn’t get paid much, you must not have any skills. I started at $12 an hour but then again I speak foreign languages.
@33 i took that hellish job under the guise of “working my way up” as they say. Instead I worked out a better job somewhere else and didn’t stay on longer than that awful year. what were YOU doing cleaning up dog shit, with all your SKILLz?
Helping her community by working a low wage job at the SPCA?
Sometimes you take crappy jobs to better help you appreciate the good ones. ;P
Love ya Donk. He doesn’t realize he’s insulted both of my jobs in one day.
uhm, if you really do/did work at the SPCA, that’s awesome. you really should stop taking everything I say so seriously.
@38: I did and it was very hard. And can do. The more we converse, the more I’m realizing that.
shen & t(h)om, is this something you would like to speak with a guidance counselor about? because i’ll totally write you guys a pass.
We need mediation. Thanks Odie.
Doing a little interwebbing, here’s Albemarle’s teacher payscale: http://www.albemarle.org/upload/images/forms_center/departments/human_resources/forms/misc/2008-2009_Teacher_Pay_Scale.pdf
@40/39 [grouphug] let’s be frenemies. i’ve always wanted a frenemy.