10 Things that Used to Be Cool in Charlottesville

we the sheepleInspired by parlie’s curmudgeonly diss on the current iPhone buzz, I decided to compile this list of “things that used to be cool in cville but are no longer because too many people do them.” Please, discuss, argue, and add your own 5 cents in the comments! (Why 5 cents instead of just 2? Because we live in Charlottesville. Even our opinions are overpriced!)

So here’s my take on a bunch of things that matter almost as much as my opinion about them! </toungecheek>

got my iphone, losers!#10. Pretending not to care what people think of you - The only thing less painful than being judged by how you look and what you do is being judged for how you don’t look and what you don’t do. Too many folks wearing Birkenstocks? Get yourself some Crocs. That’ll show ‘em. Is everyone listening to that new band on the radio? Go find some “indy” group to proclaim as your FAVORITE. And OMFG people are getting excited about a new product from a popular electronics company? You better not get sucked in, or it will just look like you’re following the crowd! You don’t want to do stuff that other people do, do you?

It’s just too easy to define people by what they ARE. Let’s go out and start judging everybody for what they AREN’T.

#9. Pretending to care about Art - Okay, call me a killjoy, but wasn’t the point of First Fridays to go out and get free beers and wine and cheese and snacks at all the “galleries” downtown? No one was actually looking at those watercolors by the retired lawyer who found his hobby, were they? No one, and I mean NO ONE, was discussing the stark, harsh reality depicted in the photographs taken by that guy from National Geographic of girls caught in the Brazillian sex-trade, were they? You were too busy sucking down cheap chardonnay and miniature BBQ sandwiches to even notice, weren’t you. And when the city said “no more free booze at art shows” you stopped showing up. Good job, “art”-loving, “community”-supporting hipster wanna-be! And thanks to all you free-loading booze-hounds for ruining a good thing for those of us who enjoyed the free drinks AND the quality Art before it was popular.

bondage!#8. Pretending you have a fetish - There was a time when the only place to let out your inner sexual deviant was at a cheap hotel or Club 216. Once in a while, a wild party at LiveArts would feature some partial nudity and tight leather, but that was it.

Now, everybody’s letting their freak-flag fly with open sub/dom, S&M, bondage, and fetish parties at even the high-end downtown dining establishments. Just.Stop. Unless I see all of you at the next meeting of CUFF, you cannot pretend to be part of “the life” that, to some, includes discipline, watersports, and cuckolding. You’re ruining it for the rest of us who liked getting tied up before it was socially acceptable.

#7. Driving a Volkswagen - Say what you will about the tenets of national socialism dude, at least they gave the world a car company that produces quality automobiles! I mean, who doesn’t love the blue-and-magenta display lights and fuel-efficiency? VWs are great cars. You can’t argue with that.

But you people have taken it too far. There are just too many MILFy 40-somethings driving around in convertible Beetles. It’s a major distraction. And there are too many spoiled sorostitutes in brand-new Jettas and Passats. You shouldn’t be driving a $30,000 automobile until you can afford one yourself. And if one more of you hippies in a silver Golf changes lanes without signaling, I’m gonna farfegnugen right on your DMB bumper sticker, you stoner douchebag. Their new ad campaign slogan needs to be “Drivers Wanted. Except, not you, Cville douchebag.” You’re ruining it for the rest of us who were driving VWs before it was popular.

#6. Calling in a rant - Cville Magazine’s rant section is about as relevant as the people who call in to Rush Limbaugh, still subscribe to Reader’s Digest, and use dial-up AOL for internet access. Stop complaining about bad drivers, racist cops, and poor service at the KFC in the back of a crappy weekly print publication. You’re ruining it for the rest of us who got acquainted with the 21st century and moved our own personal “the rant” to the blogosphere.

#5. Shopping at the farmer’s market - Isn’t local food great? Don’t you just love the crafts and knick-knacks? And look over there, free samples of some homemade dip! But, oh noes! We can’t bring Fido into the farmer’s market so let’s leave him tied up to a parking meter with a dixie cup full of poland spring. I don’t know what half of these vegetables are, but I sure like walking around getting some sun and some campaign literature from the local Obama supporters.

Apart from growing your own collards and better-boys in the backyard of your beautiful Belmont home, shopping at the farmer’s market is the best way to get fresh, sustainable produce for a great price. But these days, it’s more crowded than the Kroger before a snowstorm! Uhm, excuse me, I’m trying to walk through here with five bags of squash and you’re just kinda standing there, with your gigantic stroller, sipping a latte, chatting with your neighbors, pretending to “support” the “community”. Just get out of the way and let me shop. You’re ruining it for those of us who cared where our vegetables came from before it was popular.

#4. Living in Belmont - You know what I would love to do? Pay too much rent to live in a house that was built before 1920, with no air conditioning, warped floors, and living rooms converted into bedrooms for my 5 friends that moved in to split the rent and share one bathroom. I’d also like teenage drug dealers to go speeding by on their 50cc mopeds at all hours of the night, homeless drunks to stumble by and sit on my front porch in the middle of the afternoon, and my car to get scratched and dented by idiots who can’t parallel park and drive too fast on one-way streets. And, it would be great if some yuppie family from NoVA could by a $100,000 house for half a million, move in, and spend 6 months doing renovations with work crews that start hammering things at 8:00am twenty feet from my bedroom window on a Saturday.

Oh. Wait a minute. That would kind of suck. I kind of feel bad for the people who stuck around the neighborhood post-housing bubble. You’re like the Native Americans that didn’t get out of Lake Huron when the French betrayed you and the English gave you blankets full of smallpox. Whatever happened to them? Oh yeah, there was a movie about them starring Daniel Day Lewis. And that is exactly how history will remember the noble Belmontier who stood up to the unstoppable force of gentrification and inflating real estate prices.

#3. Going to the new bar that just opened - Oh my god! Have you been to X restaurant yet? You’ll never guess who Heather hooked up with at Y bar on Saturday. We’re all going to get really dressed up, wear sunglasses at night, and go stand four-deep at Z club next Friday and wait 25 minutes for an overpriced rail drink. You should totally come! Everybody who is anybody will be there, and they’re all going to see us in our new Abercrombie clothes and Kate Spade bags.

Puh-leeze! Some of us were parked at the bar ’till last call from Tuesday through Sunday before you even knew East end from West end. And when you and all your little friends come flooding in at 10:30 on a Friday, the bartenders and all the staff HATE YOU. Because you’re needy, you order retarded drinks, and you’re bad tippers. They don’t want to deal with you. They just want you to spend your money and leave. That’s why the music is so loud. Just know that you’re ruining it for the rest of us who were dabbling in alcoholism before it was popular.

#2. Playing music outside - We get it. You play the sax in a couple of middling blues and funk bands around a 25-mile radius in Albemarle County. You just learned how to play the banjo and got your buddy with a fiddle to play the 5 bluegrass songs you know over and over under the Paramount Theater’s marquee. BFD. I’m walking with my family or making an important call, or enjoying a slice of pizza and I CAN’T HEAR MYSELF THINK while you “practice” outdoors for the world to see. Good for you! If I give you a dollar, will you stop? You’re ruining it for the rest of us who liked to play the guitar at home in private before it was popular to take the “show” to the “street”. NEWSFLASH! This isn’t the subway, and you’re not Boyz 2 Men.

AND….THE NUMBER 1 Thing in Charlottesville that’s been ruined because too many people are doing it:

#1. Wine Tasting - A few years ago, The Neoskeptic started a little wine tasting club with some hipster Belmont friends (one of whom actually works in the wine industry), and they traveled to area wineries, held posh wine-tasting parties, and went to the weekly wine tastings at our favorite local wine shops.

Suddenly, in the past year, EVERYBODY’s doing it! You can’t even get to the bar to sample that next dry rose from Rhone you were really looking forward to. They’re all a bunch of wine-poseurs just there for the free food and the free buzz. You’re ruining it for the rest of us who were into wine before it was popular.

Popularity: 52% [?]

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127 Responses to “10 Things that Used to Be Cool in Charlottesville”

  1. 16 Jun 2008 at 12:45 pmdieter said:

    This list is lamer than anything mentioned on it.

    #10 whatever

    #9 pretending to care about art? I’m sure all the artist and photographers who live here have got it wrong-because really, what do THEY know.

    #8 so you go ahead and slam OXO for their fetish party the day they announce the closing? Well played!

    #7 your picking on VW in this town, really? Volvo I understand but VW it might not be in the top 5 makes in cville

    #6 You call people out for calling the rant line during your rant, x-squeeze me? Don’t read it

    #5 “Hey the Farmer’s market is really successful so stop going there- I mean Dude by the time my hungover ass out of bed all the good stuff is gone- you yuppies & old people stop it and go away”

    #4 “I got here first and the fact I wasn’t able to buy anything really suck for me, People trying to improve a neighborhood with their own money in a free society really bothers me”

    #3 Really don’t go to new places that way nothing old ever dies. It’s just too painful

    #2′ “I’m trying to make a freakin’ cell phone call here- stop giving me free entertainment. That’s right Grammy winner Corey Harris I’m looking at you!”

    #1 Wine tasting in the middle of wine county, peasants!

    Thor please rename this list “Welcome to WHINE country”

  2. 16 Jun 2008 at 12:52 pmnot getting it said:

    oh. thanks for clearing that all up dieter. for a second I thought the post was kind of sarcastic or satire. guess i was wayy off.

  3. 16 Jun 2008 at 1:05 pmshenanigans said:

    Yeah, don’t hate on hot servers/bartneders for putting on tight leather/fishnets. Normal people loved it and don’t really give a shit about what the reason was behind it.

  4. 16 Jun 2008 at 1:13 pmscoriole said:

    um, @1,2,3: d-e-f-e-n-s-e, eh?

    i think the post was meant in fun (just guessin’, since there was the whole “” thing).

    and WOW! i know it’s Monday, but have a cup of chamomile with your keyboard.

  5. 16 Jun 2008 at 1:16 pmbaconfat said:

    “indy” is a type of auto racing, not music, Einstein.

  6. 16 Jun 2008 at 1:17 pmThor said:

    WELCOME TO THE INTERNET

    /welcome to the internet

  7. 16 Jun 2008 at 1:21 pmthread killer said:

    ill take it from here

  8. 16 Jun 2008 at 1:27 pmSmiley said:

    Why all the hating? I thought it was quite funny. But, as Yo would say, that’s just me.

  9. 16 Jun 2008 at 1:30 pmcaroline said:

    neo, I loved it!

  10. 16 Jun 2008 at 1:31 pmcaroline said:

    true townies will get it.

  11. 16 Jun 2008 at 1:35 pmdave said:

    Calling the rant line was never cool.

  12. 16 Jun 2008 at 1:38 pmThe Neoskeptic said:

    @1 if you were parodying my parody - brilliant. if not, lighten up.

    @3 believe me, we are in favor of more fishnets and tight leather. not less.

    @5 INDIE. noted.

    @7 where are we going?

    @9 Thanks!

    notice i chose to only reply to the prime-numbered comments - the significance of which should be easier to decipher than whether or not this list was meant to be serious, or not.

  13. 16 Jun 2008 at 1:40 pmThe Neoskeptic said:

    whoops, foiled again - 9 isn’t a prime number!

  14. 16 Jun 2008 at 1:40 pmbaconfat said:

    9 is not a prime number. Einstein.

  15. 16 Jun 2008 at 1:41 pmshenanigans said:

    @10: I am merely a false townie. I feel excluded.
    @11: Just saying. You need to add “except for hot chicks” to the end of #8.

  16. 16 Jun 2008 at 1:42 pmecho said:

    @11: Sorry Neo, 9 is not a prime number. It is divisible by 3.

    /I know. Nerd Alert!

  17. 16 Jun 2008 at 1:47 pmStanley said:

    Does anyone on this thread know if nine is a prime number? I was just curious about it. On the internet.

  18. 16 Jun 2008 at 1:54 pmThe Neoskeptic said:

    @13 beat you to it, steinberg.

    @14 (@10) townies, transplants, wahtev - you’re all welcome passed the velvet rope at neoskepticland. ;-)

    @14 (@11) EXCEPTION TO ITEM #8: WHEN SHENANIGANS, THE HOTTEST BARTENDER CHICK IN TOWN, WEARS FISHNETS AND TIGHT LEATHER, THEN IT IS OKAY. please insert mp3 audio of a paddle striking you on the backside, asap.

    @15 see #9, #13, nerd!

  19. 16 Jun 2008 at 1:57 pmshenanigans said:

    @18: Ahem, former bartender. But thanks.

  20. 16 Jun 2008 at 2:03 pmDonk said:

    Wait..
    So I was going to sell my Volkswagen, but now I don’t know. What that be cool or not cool? Or am I too much in violation of #1?

    /who am I kidding… buy the heap.

  21. 16 Jun 2008 at 2:17 pmbelmont yo said:

    # 10 Pretending not to care what people think of you
    Which whether written seriously or not, seems to be the desired stance of the author

    #8 Unless I see all of you at the next meeting of CUFF, you cannot pretend to be part of “the life” that…
    Because you know, you can’t really have a fetish until you join a club, and get a little patch and go to ‘munches’. I joined that club eight years ago and was so disappointed. It was like the PTA, but with more smarm and self importance. Fail. I’ll keep my fetishes hanging from the eye screw in my ceiling, thanks.

    #6and moved our own personal “the rant” to the blogosphere
    In this case, unfortunately.

    #4Living in Belmont
    My equity pisses on your bitterness.

    /serious? sarcasm? who knows, who cares. I vote fail.

  22. 16 Jun 2008 at 2:21 pmshenanigans said:

    Come on ya’ll. It’s better than a post linking to a Youtube video or of parlie rambling about something.

  23. 16 Jun 2008 at 2:22 pmgoose rifle said:

    you guys really don’t like this parlie character, do you?

    i’ve never been wine tasting but it seems like it’s a socially acceptable form of drunk driving.

  24. 16 Jun 2008 at 2:24 pmshenanigans said:

    @23: I hate him because he’s my baby daddy and he never pays my child support. Spends it on Bud Light and replacement beer pong balls.

  25. 16 Jun 2008 at 2:25 pmThe Neoskeptic said:

    @21 - #4 was written with you in mind, actually. and i do care what people think of me. i think we all do. that’s the point. pretending not to is artifice. pot, meet kettle. you vote “fail”? I’m sure all of cvillain will be shocked!

  26. 16 Jun 2008 at 2:29 pmLys said:

    What was missed:
    1. Blue Light - our first experience with a hip bar where Charlottesville yuppies played at being Chelsea urbanites (opening also coincides nicely with Charlottesville’s first introduction to designer jeans). Remember when everyone though a $10+ cocktail list was insane? Now it’s just that place you go if you’re a smoker or haven’t heard that the drinks everywhere else are better for the same universally unreasonable price.

    2. Fridays After Five – does anybody go that doesn’t have kids anymore? I think it’s become the weekly pilgrimage of the Forrest Lakes folks so that can rationalize their decision to live in such an atrocious subdivision because “we still go downtown.”

    3. Michael’s Bistro – it used to be the one place on the Corner that townies would still frequent. The undergrads have officially taken over our Alamo (and the food sucks now – not that it was ever great, but you know what I mean).

    4. Dumplings – sorry folks, but ever since they moved location (and started using pre-made dumplings instead of making things from scratch), only students and high school kids seek out Marco and Luca’s.

    5. French Food – we have enough, seriously. If you are thinking about opening a restaurant and your angle is French or French Fusion, either learn a new cuisine or try another town.

    6. Running – Now that we have ACAC downtown, who really runs anymore? It’s just so plebe.

    Where I agree:
    1. Living in Belmont - what was once a find is now just North Downtown Light with more renovation expenses and less savory neighbors. Am I jealosu I didn’t buy 5 years ago - yes. Would I buy today - no.

    2. The Farmer’s Market - Don’t get me wrong, I still love it and go there often, but I do actually buy things there (plants in spring, veggies in summer, and cut flowers all season long). I just go before 8 or just as things shut down at 11:30 to avoid the stroller brigade. I swear 90% of the shoppers have the same complete lack of spatial self-awareness that Whole Foods shoppers do. Crowds aren’t hard to navigate if you’d just pay attention, folks.

    3. The Rant – it was dumb when it started and nothing has changed.

    What Could Come Back
    1. Miller’s – In this era of Oxo closing and high gas prices, it might be time to hang up those designer jeans and go back to drinking straight Jack on the patio.

    2. Actually Drinking VA Wine – sure everybody goes to tastings ‘cause it’s the civilized version of taking a drive in the country, but with the whole Eat Local movement maybe we’ll actually start putting our money where our glass is. Remember when everybody used to flip their shit for White Hall Chard just to support the home team? The greenies could make local wine the new PBR.

    3. Apathy - The level of political awareness and assertiveness has reached the point of fashionabilty and will not hold. I don’t care how much more you love Obama than I do, you only get one vote and have the same contribution limit that I do. Get over yourself (I know I’m gonna get hell for this one).

  27. 16 Jun 2008 at 2:29 pmgoose rifle said:

    shenanigans: weird. isn’t that illegal? i mean don’t you have some kind of recourse?

  28. 16 Jun 2008 at 2:32 pmbelmont yo said:

    was written with you in mind, actually
    How so? Do you know anything about my situation?

    i think we all do
    No doubt. Are you saying I don’t?

    you vote “fail”? I’m sure all of cvillain will be shocked
    Who cares what they think now, I used to care before it was cool.

    you guys really don’t like this parlie character
    without sir parles, this site is diminished greatly. except for the yakov schtick.

    /hee hee.

  29. 16 Jun 2008 at 2:39 pmThe Neoskeptic said:

    @26 Lys, that was more than a nickel’s worth. Well done.

    @28 No, I don’t know your “situation”. Just your blog commenting ennui and the handle that belies your general location in this fair city. take a chill pill - i’m not saying you don’t “care” either. But *I* did, before *you* did. *before* it was cool.

    and I don’t have any beef with parlie (should I?) - i just said he was a curmudgeon and that was inspiring.

  30. 16 Jun 2008 at 2:42 pmbelmont yo said:

    Oh yeah? I used to listen to n’sync when they were underground.

    take a chill pill thanks, but no.

  31. 16 Jun 2008 at 2:43 pmshenanigans said:

    @29: Oh sheeeit. You did not just say you cared about Belmont before Belmont yo. Get ready for the umbrage.

  32. 16 Jun 2008 at 2:45 pmoy said:

    in soviet russia, yakov schtick you!

  33. 16 Jun 2008 at 2:45 pmEthan said:

    My first summer here, I went to Fridays After Five a lot (two years ago). Last year, I went probably the first 4 or 5 times, and this year I wouldn’t be caught dead anywhere near it.

    I agree on Belmont. It looks like Fifeville is the next Belmont, in terms of trendy, lipstick-on-a-pig housing.

  34. 16 Jun 2008 at 2:47 pmgoose rifle said:

    i haven’t lived here long enough to really know any of this stuff. i live in the woodlands, which i think is pretty cool but i’m guessing it’s probably not, and i’ve been to blue light a few times. seems ok, but i’d like it if i could get a drink without wading four deep in a sea of wannabe PUAs.

  35. 16 Jun 2008 at 2:48 pmbelmont yo said:

    @ 31 I have only been there nine years. I have learned not to claim shit, especially with the ire and venom such claiming causes among “true townies”. Its nice, I got in at the right time, and for now I like it. But really, its just where i live right now. My home is thousands of miles away.

    /my umbrage is currently directed at sears. can i review sears? I am in customer service hell.

  36. 16 Jun 2008 at 2:50 pmshenanigans said:

    @34: I’m coming over to use your pool, dude.

  37. 16 Jun 2008 at 2:50 pmThe Neoskeptic said:

    @31 i’ve made a huuuge mistake.

    but, i was belmontin’ it up before mas was even dreamed up, saxx and crush were still furniture stores, and you could still walk to C&O by crossing the trax under the 9th st bridge. so, get out the yardstick, cause we got ourselves an old fashioned pissin contest!

  38. 16 Jun 2008 at 2:52 pmThe Neoskeptic said:

    @35 sears was supposed to fix my microwave like three years ago. may the customer service gods blow more fair weather your way, and soon.

  39. 16 Jun 2008 at 2:55 pmSmiley said:

    goose rifle, you remind me of someone else who posts on this site. can you be, or have you ever been, sarcastic?

  40. 16 Jun 2008 at 2:56 pmcaroline said:

    lys, you’re going to have a stroller!!
    /just get the ergo

  41. 16 Jun 2008 at 2:58 pmSmiley said:

    @35 Recently I had a miserable experience with Sears so-called customer service. I wish you godspeed in your quest.

  42. 16 Jun 2008 at 2:59 pmLys said:

    @40 - I know I know I know. And yes, i’m already registered for an Ergo.

    /no bugaboo for this bitch

  43. 16 Jun 2008 at 3:00 pm26 world said:

    @37: That really wasn’t that long ago…I’m not sayin’, I’m just sayin’.

    What happened to the Suburu Outback as the voiture d’Cville?

  44. 16 Jun 2008 at 3:04 pmgoose rifle said:

    i guess, maybe. i didn’t mean to be a dick, i just thought blue light on a saturday night was kind of like a college bar with upgraded lighting and some glassware.

    who do i remind you of?

  45. 16 Jun 2008 at 3:13 pmSmiley said:

    parlie. But maybe it’s just the lack of caps in your typing.

  46. 16 Jun 2008 at 3:13 pmparlie said:

    oh man, am i the neoskeptic? this is great, regardless of whether i agree with all the points.

    also, and you all may be surprised to learn this, but: shenanigans and i DO NOT HAVE ANY GODDAMNED CHILDREN. we barely even get along for more than 2 hours at a time, which is not enough time to make a baby. i think.

    i’ve never made a baby. i hope.

    oh man.

  47. 16 Jun 2008 at 3:20 pmparlie's baby Gary said:

    Daddy! I miss mother’s milk and your soft caress on my soft spot (my skull has finally fused! I’m all growds up!)

    Come back daddy!

  48. 16 Jun 2008 at 3:23 pmdieter said:

    neoskeptic you said you wanted to argue.
    Is this your first time?

  49. 16 Jun 2008 at 3:24 pmshenanigans said:

    @45: parlie, the kids hate it when you pretend like they don’t exist. stop it already.

  50. 16 Jun 2008 at 3:27 pmparlie said:

    and that’s why daddy drinks.

  51. 16 Jun 2008 at 3:29 pmscoriole said:

    i think many people can make babies(well, the start of one, anyhow…in under two hours!

  52. 16 Jun 2008 at 3:42 pmTinkertoy said:

    in russia, baby make you!

  53. 16 Jun 2008 at 3:44 pmTuffy McFucklebee said:

    Wait, two HOURS!? Order of magnitude me on it! Hachie machie! I gotta get Kegeling.

  54. 16 Jun 2008 at 4:15 pmshannon said:

    it also used to be cool to post on this blog story, but now that 53 people have done it, yawn :)

  55. 16 Jun 2008 at 4:23 pmGobbler said:

    i really like this post.

    One thing I think it to add to it… making fun of parlie on cvillain. I was making fun of parlie way before I made it cool.

  56. 16 Jun 2008 at 4:25 pmshenanigans said:

    Is it no longer cool to make fun of parlie? Shit.

  57. 16 Jun 2008 at 5:50 pmStreet said:

    If I give you a dollar, will you stop? You’re ruining it for the rest of us who liked to play the guitar at home in private before it was popular to take the “show” to the “street”.

    No, but if someone in this beautiful, conflicted town would give me a full time job, (and I have been looking) I’ll gladly stop. Until then, expect me to make ends meet any way I can, short of resorting to criminal activities. And if you think that I enjoy that glorified form of begging, you can fuck right off.

  58. 16 Jun 2008 at 9:32 pmEthan said:

    Wait, is parlie male?

  59. 16 Jun 2008 at 9:37 pmcolfer said:

    They weren’t talking about you.

  60. 16 Jun 2008 at 9:37 pmcolfer said:

    Street.

  61. 16 Jun 2008 at 9:38 pmbelmont yo said:

    @ 57 expect me to make ends meet any way I can

    Booya! Let ‘em know street!

    @ 58 Yes. And pregnant. And crippled. And drug addicted.

    /give generously…

  62. 16 Jun 2008 at 11:49 pmStreet said:

    @59 - Perhaps you are correct, but how am I supposed to know that? Anyhoo, I am babysitting a good friend’s incredibly drunken mom tonight, so wish me luck. Shit! She’s playing with knives. Gotta go.

  63. 17 Jun 2008 at 1:11 amOdie said:

    @62 maybe it’s because i’m too young but i can honestly say that i have yet to babysit somebody’s momma

  64. 17 Jun 2008 at 1:12 amStreet said:

    Consider yourself lucky. At least she’s asleep now.

  65. 17 Jun 2008 at 7:44 amGobbler said:

    Time to make your move.

  66. 17 Jun 2008 at 8:05 amStreet said:

    Qd7! Checkmate! Sorry Gobbler, you lose again.

  67. 17 Jun 2008 at 9:11 amFloozy said:

    Gobbler… that comment is even a stretch for The Flooze… I award you The Crown of Depravity for the week.

  68. 17 Jun 2008 at 12:28 pmGobbler said:

    Thanks, Flooze. That means a lot coming from you.

  69. 17 Jun 2008 at 12:59 pmfunnier said:

    Here’s an actually-amusing take on the same theme:
    http://www.readthehook.com/stories/2006/05/04/COVERjumpshark.aspx

  70. 17 Jun 2008 at 1:15 pmOdie said:

    @69 dude, if you start linking to articles from The Hook all the chicks are going to leave the party.

  71. 17 Jun 2008 at 1:19 pmshenanigans said:

    @69: Lame. That is too long and outdated and not really adressing the same issue. But thanks for contributing!

  72. 17 Jun 2008 at 1:21 pmt(h)om said:

    @69 way to piss in the pool, dude.

  73. 17 Jun 2008 at 1:29 pmshenanigans said:

    Haha, good one @72.

  74. 17 Jun 2008 at 1:30 pmgoose rifle said:

    i think i’m starting to get it. this site is like gawker, but for small-town media? our job is to be as outrageous as possible and publish anything as long as it’s funny, while print pubs spin their wheels trying as hard as they can to keep up? i think i’m going to like it here.

  75. 17 Jun 2008 at 1:37 pmOdie said:

    @72,73 and i bet you guys thought your trip to the guidance counselor would be worthless :)

  76. 17 Jun 2008 at 1:40 pmThor said:

    Gawker smawker. You can write your own articles here + we are anony moose

  77. 17 Jun 2008 at 2:23 pm26 world said:

    @69: I love when the local weekly mags try to get all “we knew Dave when” and then spell a band member’s name wrong. That article imploded as I read it, since using the “jump the shark” trope, uh, well, jumped the shark years before that article was written.

  78. 17 Jun 2008 at 2:29 pmStrumpet said:

    One of the good things about CVillain is the lack of DMB references. Thank fuckin’ gawd.

  79. 17 Jun 2008 at 2:32 pmgoose rifle said:

    to #76 - why don’t the hook people write an article on here then? i mean if you’re going to employ sneaky tactics, wouldn’t the old “trojan horse” be in order?

  80. 17 Jun 2008 at 2:37 pmOdie said:

    @78 just because an article is submitted to cVillain for review doesn’t necessarily mean that it gets posted

  81. 17 Jun 2008 at 2:52 pmStanley said:

    One of the good things about CVillain is the lack of DMB references

    Actually, I know this can seem a bit confusing, but in reality we use the code word “parlie” when we’re referring to DMB. Generally we make fun of “parlie”, as you may have noticed, and this is actually our coded mockery of DMB.

    /glad I could clear that up for everyone

  82. 17 Jun 2008 at 3:03 pmt(h)om said:

    @81 is parlie coming to South Street to toast the end of OXO tonight?

  83. 17 Jun 2008 at 3:05 pmFloozy said:

    No… his chain doesn’t reach that far.

  84. 17 Jun 2008 at 3:07 pmshenanigans said:

    @82: He better not be celebrating that.

  85. 17 Jun 2008 at 3:08 pmparlie said:

    @EVERYBODY sorry, but we’ve got a previous engagement counting all our fucking money.

    i like the way goose rifle already thinks like a saboteur and he’s only been here like, an hour.

  86. 17 Jun 2008 at 3:09 pmt(h)om said:

    @84 i thought it was supposed to be more like an irish wake than a “celebration”. It was stanley’s idea….

  87. 17 Jun 2008 at 3:10 pmecho said:

    We will be mourning the end of OXO at SS.

  88. 17 Jun 2008 at 3:13 pmStanley said:

    It was stanley’s idea….

    Lies! And: I will, alas, be elsewhere.

  89. 17 Jun 2008 at 3:17 pmshenanigans said:

    @85″

    counting all our fucking money

    I knew you guys were male prostitutes. I knew it!
    @87: Correct!

  90. 17 Jun 2008 at 3:19 pmparlie said:

    btw, my comment @85 is in response to stanley @81, and … why am i even clarifying this? gud joke stanley.

    and no, i’m not going to oxo tonight.

  91. 17 Jun 2008 at 3:19 pmDonk said:

    @89: Didn’t you know that’s Jay’s new business plan? Parlie is the flagship of Heavenly Bodies 2.

  92. 17 Jun 2008 at 3:23 pmecho said:

    @89: Should you decide to come, there will be a glass of viognier with my favorite bartender’s name on it.

  93. 17 Jun 2008 at 3:24 pmshenanigans said:

    91: Actually, Jay made the Spunky bear boys a proposition but they turned it down. They are making their fucking money all by themselves. But Jay is going to start a Heavenly Bodies bar downtown.

  94. 17 Jun 2008 at 3:25 pmshenanigans said:

    @92: I’m there. I may or may not have good news.

  95. 17 Jun 2008 at 3:28 pmecho said:

    @94: You being there is good news. Anything else is an added bonus.

  96. 17 Jun 2008 at 3:33 pmt(h)om said:

    @shen, echo: time-ish?

  97. 17 Jun 2008 at 3:35 pmecho said:

    I’ll be there around 8:30

  98. 17 Jun 2008 at 3:56 pmpoppyrock said:

    Oh, Neoskept,

    I love you. Are you me? I even say “pot, meet kettle” too. I like what you say. I’m surprised about the harshing- hit close to home?

    @82-97 can’t you guys get your own discussion board- I mean I know that this is *your* board and not everyone else’s but surely in this age of cell phones, email, TM facebook and whatnot you could keep some of your personal business somewhere else. I really don’t care if shen has good news or not.

    /let the hating begin.

  99. 17 Jun 2008 at 4:21 pmshenanigans said:

    @96: Prolly 8:30 too
    @98: I don’t have the email, cellphones, Facebook of most people on here. And that’s great if you don’t care but some people on here do.

  100. 17 Jun 2008 at 5:50 pmFloozy said:

    @98 Poppyrock… that was harsh. Shen lost her job yesterday and that is a rotten thing to happen. I assume her good news may be that she has picked up a lead on another job, so rent can be paid, 500 cats can be fed and alcohol can continue to flow.
    There is some chatting between friends, but that is all good here. We all put up with each other and it is a big befuddled pool of freaks, geeks and something in between.
    /hating is not encouraged and you got off lightly from Shen. She is exhausted from being pure acid yesterday. You got lucky.

  101. 17 Jun 2008 at 7:02 pmRose McIntire said:

    @94 ohh ohh pick me! i wanna know what the news is. I know im a day late, but I had actual kitty lives to save!
    /really just a labrador retriever life. that counts, right?

  102. 17 Jun 2008 at 9:24 pmcaroline said:

    Floozy yer a doll.

  103. 18 Jun 2008 at 9:04 amUva LaGrape said:

    omfg I just came. who the fuck is this neosKeptic and where is her fist so I can put my pussy on it? I thought only I wrote posts like this but I’m gleefully wrong. Please Thor, set up a Blind Date Challenge for me and hir. Neo, you are the one. I can’t wait to read the comments

  104. 18 Jun 2008 at 9:08 amFloozy said:

    OMFG I can’t believe you just posted that … cinnamon bun all over the pissing keyboard. ROFLMAO

  105. 18 Jun 2008 at 9:14 amUva LaGrape said:

    shebennigans doesn’t bartend anymore? I’ve been away too long. Has SNL Financial sucked you in too, dear?

  106. 18 Jun 2008 at 9:23 amFloozy said:

    OXO died… wear black and dab your nose with a delicate white lace ‘kerchief.

  107. 18 Jun 2008 at 9:40 amFloozy said:

    Oh and Uva… sorry to spoil your fantasy date but Neo is a dude.

  108. 18 Jun 2008 at 9:49 amUva LaGrape said:

    wow Oxo is closing. Sorry to all the employees. I read one thread and I’m all caught up on the drama.

  109. 18 Jun 2008 at 9:50 amUva LaGrape said:

    107: note the “hir”

  110. 18 Jun 2008 at 9:52 amThe Neoskeptic said:

    @98 you’re too sweet

    @98 [addendum] yeah the hating on shen isn’t so grate, akshually. unless it’s in jest or generally good-natured. use smileys and joke html to make sure no one takes you too seriously. that way you can say pretty much anything you want. see example below.
    /excerptfromemilypost’sblogosphereetiquetteguide>

    @100’s @98: Floozy, who died and made you referee? ;-)

    @102 No, *you’re* a doll.

    @103 best.comment.ever. but, floozy’s #107 is right, I am a d00d. sorry if that spoils the fantasy. click my name to join the party.

    @shen, echo: sorry i didn’t make SS. would love to do a meet-up and buy you a round sometime. Stanley shamed me into coming out for this other thing. [which i’m sooooo glad i did].

  111. 18 Jun 2008 at 9:57 ambelmont yo said:

    is right, I am a d00d.

    d00d’s don’t have fists?

  112. 18 Jun 2008 at 10:00 amcbob said:

    They don’t if it’s spelled in leetspeek, n00b.

  113. 18 Jun 2008 at 10:06 ammc said:

    I think you mean L337.

  114. 18 Jun 2008 at 10:07 amThe Neoskeptic said:

    @111 actually, i have two. welcome to the gun show
    on_timer=200msFISTFACE
    /FISTFACE>

  115. 18 Jun 2008 at 10:11 amclarence said:

    The Neo, even though you are a dood you can still lend your fist to this LaGrape character. It’s kind of gross at first but then…….then…….no it’s gross.

  116. 18 Jun 2008 at 10:19 amFloozy said:

    @110… ?? …pick at Caroline for her ‘yer’ and then lose the ability to find the caps lock on your own keyboard. When you speak to the kettle, send him my regards.
    / ;) back at you.

  117. 18 Jun 2008 at 10:23 amcbob said:

    @113 Indeed, I am proven wrong. It’s true that only n00bs call ppl n00bs.

    /pwned

  118. 18 Jun 2008 at 11:03 amshenanigans said:

    @100: Thanks Flooz, for getting my back. It was so obviously an attempt to stir up shit, I wasn’t gonna feed the troll.
    The good news is, I will be able to feed my 17 cats and keep the booze flowing.
    And P.S. the X lounge is the coolest spot in town and ya’ll should hang out there all the time now. Just sayin’…

  119. 18 Jun 2008 at 11:07 amshenanigans said:

    @110: It’s ok, we ended up going to C&O anyways. They had this awesome jazz guitar trio and the wine was flowing. Very gud time.

  120. 18 Jun 2008 at 11:11 amecho said:

    @110: Some of us stayed loyal to SS until the end of the night.

  121. 18 Jun 2008 at 11:24 ammc said:

    @118: I was hoping that’d be the spot! excellent!

  122. 18 Jun 2008 at 11:26 amshenanigans said:

    @121: We can have a space party every weekend!

  123. 18 Jun 2008 at 11:39 amThe Neoskeptic said:

    @116 and 102: oh, floozy, i wasn’t correcting grammear, i was using * for emphasis. as in, caroline is ALSO a doll. you both are. two of you.

  124. 18 Jun 2008 at 11:55 amFloozy said:

    @123 Oh alright then… I’ll let you off this time.
    /Inflatable or regular Barbie type?

  125. […] 10 Things That Used to Be Cool in Charlottesville […]

  126. 04 Aug 2008 at 9:57 pmwhat was cool for 15 minutes said:

    kickball. Then it got all rednecky and douchebaggy.

  127. […] As much as we love Charlottesville, some of our best stuff is being critical.  Check out the things that used to be cool in Charlottesville. […]

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