Everyone loves the 4th of July. Whether or not you believe in the existing ideals displayed by the powers that be of this nation and refuse to accept the importance of a day so clouded in irony, chances are you probably have the day off (unless you pick up my trash, in which case, thank you, dead rotting groundhogs smell terrible this time of year). And it’s on a Friday, no less… and that’s defintely worth celebrating.My plans involve some locally purchased fireworks. (’cause buying local is the green thing to do, right?) Fortunately, or unfortunately, depending on our luck, Parlie will be in charge of the fireworks display. Most likely he’ll melt his face off mistaking a bottle rocket for a “spliff of the nersh, breh”. I can’t wait. I will be prepared with a fire extinguisher and a video camera.I’ve seen some serious close calls with fireworks. Performed exorcisms on the neighbors cat. Scud missiling moving cars. Attempting to put out M80’s wearing flip-flops. Throwing cans of WD-40 into a fire because we didn’t actually have any fireworks. Stupid things like that. So the topic is…How ’bout some stories about epic fails when it comes to fireworks?I will no doubt have a good one for you after on Saturday.
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last year in the OBX we spent every evening after dinner in our “rocket factory.” we had 200 large rockets, 400 penny rockets, a spool of fuse, tape, glue, exacto knives, jack daniels and absinthe.
if you wrap a large rocket in a jacket of 6-8 penny rockets with a properly delayed fuse, the large rocket acts as a “phase one” booster, taking the whole ship high enough that when it reaches its peak and explodes, the “stage 2″ penny rockets will pop off in many, many different directions, and rain down to earth like artillery. you have to be careful how you weight the rockets, as the slightest imbalance will throw the flight path into a volatile and unpredictable spin. it’s best to be far away when this happens.
i got excited just writing that.
Whatever you do, don’t google image “firecracker accident”…
Seriously shen, you need to stop saying things like that. However, I learned my lesson yesterday.
oh my god, that’s the exact image I had in my head imagining parlie’s face melting. Wife beater and all.
@3: You know you’re dying to go check it out. Give in, give in!
@5: You’re right, but I will not. When I sneak attack the internetz with the picture I found yesterday, you will understand my reluctance to ever search Google Images for anything, ever again.
OMFG. I was trying to tell a coworker how to use Google Images search and she totally got it right before I could turn away. All I saw was blood.
It’s official. “Firecracker accident” is way worse than “Bear Attack”.
@8 i had a picture like that back when i started college. i figured it had to be fake, right? who puts a cherry bomb in their mouth, and why would anybody post the coroner’s photos on the internet? i sent it to a listserv.
and thus begins an epic saga detailing the myriad reasons why i am unwelcome to the internet.
I will be watching the fireworks from inside a suit of armor, thankyouverymuch.
Happy 4th of July, internetz!
Link removed by Admin. Vulgar. Do not include links like this or you will be banned.
Do Not Click on echo’s link!
/doesn’t think it was really echo
Shit! I missed it. What was it?!
Haha echo, I didn’t get to see the bear mauling pic you linked to because I was too busy reading Slog. Haha, the admins (parlie) freaked out and banned you. Hahaha.
i like the picture of the hand with just the bone left.
/thanks shen
I was gonna post an on topic epic fail story about how roman candles and bicycles don’t mix, but now I’m just grossed out.
internets. gross.
Apparently I found the limits of the internetz. Sorry admins.
Apparently I found the limits of the internetz
Not until you have been through 4chan. But don’t, do it because you cant undo it.
Archetypes of internet disgust like goatse, tubgirl, lemonparty, meatspin… all these got their start there. And for the love love god if you don’t know what these terms refer to, do not search, I will not be held responsible. Im dead serious.
I dont know where the limit of the internetz is, but whatever you linked is just one of the first rest stops. Trust me.
b-yo, you crack me up. Also, you make me ashamed of myself, being acquainted with those all (and having probably had my life artificially shortened by 4chan).