Two Wheels; Eleventy Umbrages

The umbrage thread got me thinking. Specifically, about biking in this burg we call the ‘ville.
There was a fair amount of pedestrian-hating in that thread, which is—come on—friggin’ hilarious. “You jerks! With your walking! I’m DRIVING MY STEEL MACHINE HERE! DO YOU NOT SMELL THE DINOSAUR BLOOD COOKING?!?! I MUST GET TO YOGA SOCCER!!!”

Blah. I drive, too. It’s understandable that it can be frustrating. But I also bike a fair bit. And biking in this town (shoot, in any town) is an amusingly hostile experience. I have suggestions. I will get to them. First, a story:

Put yourself at the intersection of Carlton Ave. and Carlton Rd. (I know. It’s all very confusing. Like an episode of Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, but with even more Carltons.) You wait to exit the Belmont area to turn left onto Carlton Rd.—you know, where Kathy’s Shopping Center is—to head towards Beer Run, right across the tracks.

Notwithstanding the red light, you deem it safe to continue. Do you do so?

By law, no. In reality, yes.

And an old codger also waiting for the light rolls down the window to yell at you for BREAKING THE LAW!!! No really. He yells pretty loud for an old dog. (Sidebar: we made it up to him later by getting off his lawn, so it’s all hunky-dory now. High five, old dude!)

***

So yeah, anyway, bikers suck. Apparently. Car drivers hate us, because, yeah, we tend to break the law in minor ways. And shake our fists at your Oldsmobiles when you curse our minor-law-breaking tendencies.

But there are solutions to this seeming impasse. My good friend Tom—a cVillain ex gratia, for his time in the ‘ville coincided with pre-cVillain times—recently offered a thoughtful post on the matter, most importantly, this bit, blurbed from washcycle:

The way to end jaybiking violations is to decriminalize them. […] Idaho has changed its law — and California is considering it — to allow cyclist to treat stop signs as yield signs and stop lights as stop signs.

Woo! Idaho! Next up, Charlottesville. Now somebody go make that happen. I’m tired from all the fist-shaking.

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42 Responses to “Two Wheels; Eleventy Umbrages”

  1. 18 Jul 2008 at 6:58 amFloozy said:

    That fist shaking will make you blind Stanley.

  2. 18 Jul 2008 at 8:23 amecho said:

    *whisper* Stanley you need to give your post a category.*whisper*

  3. 18 Jul 2008 at 8:55 amTuffy McFucklebee said:

    echo, we can all hear you, I think the mic is still on.

    Stanley, nice post, man. It’s tough to bike in town. It really is a roll of the dice, b/c we really do live in a bike accessible town with more bike lanes than anywhere else that I’ve lived, but still…there are some folks out there that just hate having us on the road.

    The worst spot for me is the approach to the Fed Courthouse coming from Main St to Downtown in front of the entrance to the Greyhound station. People looking to bear right there in front of Sacagawea just don’t see you. Again, probably just blinded by sexist rage, or submissive bliss. Or, they may be looking left, drive-by window shopping for hookas.

  4. 18 Jul 2008 at 9:03 amWizardSleeve said:

    Haha. I bike to work every day. I’ve had my own harrowing experience at that very same intersection.

    Http://loadedjournal.blogspot.com/2008/06/bike-riding-killer-ape.HTML

  5. 18 Jul 2008 at 9:23 amLulu said:

    Aaaaaahhhh… from the home of Larry Craig.

    …and Napoleon Dynamite. Sort of.

  6. 18 Jul 2008 at 10:06 amStanley said:

    *whisper* Stanley you need to give your post a category.*whisper*

    Dangit! I swore I did that. I blame the old dude. He logged in and downloaded a cheat code to win the lottery, and then Denny’s had an early-bird special, which only further enabled his Matlock-fu, thus uncategorizing my jams.

    Yep. That’s exactly what happened.

  7. 18 Jul 2008 at 10:31 amThor said:

    Hmm.. interesting proposition Stanley. I wonder if Idaho’s got more friendly roads for something like that. You know for all the complaining bikers do in this city, I feel pretty safe biking around in and out of traffic. I don’t do it so much anymore, but I jaybiked like a mofo back in the day.

    Has anyone gotten tickets for jaybiking?

  8. 18 Jul 2008 at 10:45 amStanley said:

    Has anyone gotten tickets for jaybiking?

    I have a friend who was ticketed for hitting a car that pulled out in front of him (friend had a green light). He successfully argued his way out of it in court.

    I’ve also heard tell of C-ville cops ticketting for red-light-running, but that might be just the rumor mill.

  9. 18 Jul 2008 at 11:04 amEd Ho said:

    So many hills in c-ville, that no one should hate for not biking. biking is ez in a flat town.

  10. 18 Jul 2008 at 11:04 ambelmont yo said:

    Not to be *that guy*, but I used to be a bike messenger in San Francisco (I only lasted seven months), and god damn, after lane splitting through choked traffic at 40 mph down a sf hill, charlottesville looks like a velodrome.

  11. 18 Jul 2008 at 11:06 amThor said:

    Ed as in the famous Ed?!

  12. 18 Jul 2008 at 11:07 amStanley said:

    I highly recommend riding Elliott/Cherry after ten beers. No, wait. Don’t. It’s illegal, I think.

  13. 18 Jul 2008 at 11:14 amKevin Cox said:

    A friend of mine got a ticket last week for running a stop sign at 14th and Gordon on his bike. There weren’t any other vehicles around nor were there any pedestrians in the intersection.

  14. 18 Jul 2008 at 11:23 amVanillavy said:

    but does Idaho have any cities that are in the top 10 in the country? puhaha

  15. 18 Jul 2008 at 11:31 amTuffy McFucklebee said:

    @12 - that road will kill you, physically. The part that kills me the most is the last leg of Cherry approaching Shamrock. I always think my bike is broken when I’m running on the easiest gear and can’t make it up that beast. I stick to Main St. whenever possible

  16. 18 Jul 2008 at 11:34 amStanley said:

    15: A wise move. I tried to explain to some Charlottesville n00bies that Main Street was like a ridge that ran gently but firmly through town, a veritable spine from the sometimes-dopey head (UVA) to the sometimes-stinky toe (the Rivanna at the end of East Market St.). They ignored me and took Elliott/Cherry. Fools.

  17. 18 Jul 2008 at 11:41 amTinkertoy said:

    @4 That was hysterical. I wish I had been there to see you screaming in a murderous rage on your bike. ….le sigh…

    @9 I visited Savannah and couldn’t understand people complaining about biking around there, it’s all flat. The cobblestones and potholes make it interesting in places but other than that, I could bike that piece all day long. In fact I did.
    Pantops is only fun in one direction.

  18. 18 Jul 2008 at 11:50 amStanley said:

    17: Savannah is awesome.

  19. 18 Jul 2008 at 3:00 pmThisSideUp said:

    @18 I whole heartedly agree! You can walk around downtown with alcoholic drinks in your hand legally. It makes for a very pleasurable bar hopping experience.

  20. 18 Jul 2008 at 3:02 pmecho said:

    @19: You can do that in Cville too. It just isn’t legal, and the bars don’t let you bring them in. I sat on the decorative “couch” thing outside of Blue Light and finished a beer before they would let me in one night.

  21. 18 Jul 2008 at 3:06 pmshenanigans said:

    @19: parlie does it all the time here

  22. 18 Jul 2008 at 3:09 pmThisSideUp said:

    @20: How upsetting. Did you tell them it was a really posh, overpriced beer? They might have let you in with it then.

  23. 18 Jul 2008 at 4:06 pmThisSideUp said:

    @21: I “do it” all the time here too…but that’s completely off subject. I’m talking about carrying alcoholic drinks around outside on the mall. Where’s your mind at shen?

  24. 18 Jul 2008 at 4:16 pmshenanigans said:

    My mind’s in the gutter but it’s looking up at the stars…

  25. 18 Jul 2008 at 4:25 pmoy said:

    Dangit! I swore I did that. I blame the old dude. He logged in and downloaded a cheat code to win the lottery, and then Denny’s had an early-bird special, which only further enabled his Matlock-fu, thus uncategorizing my jams.

    I give this post 3 out of 5 Parlies

  26. 18 Jul 2008 at 7:51 pmmc said:

    the problem with biking in Savannah is the tourists who can’t figure out how to navigate around the squares. Once you learn to frogger them, it’s great and flat which is why you see so many SCAD hipsters on fixies.

    was this supposed to be about biking in Cville? oh yeah, it’s not bad here. Drivers are hostile everywhere and here, not nearly as much.

    /imho, peeps

  27. 19 Jul 2008 at 8:34 amRose McIntire said:

    @26 hey, im thinking of moving to Savannah. Good idea? I’ll buy you a beer if you can give me the deets.
    /thread killer

  28. 19 Jul 2008 at 9:11 amparlie said:

    everybody in savannah moves about half as fast as the slowest person you’ve ever met. it’s combination of gravy in the arteries, and the fact that it’s usually ten million degrees before 7am. it’s a charming city and the non-gang members are great people, but you have to be ready to sloooowwww dooooooowwwwwwn. @27.

  29. 19 Jul 2008 at 9:55 amRose McIntire said:

    since my brain has been whittled away by a combination of both military and customer service, slow is the only speed i have left. Sounds great. Im sure thin Savannah no one will then notice the thin strand of drool that hangs from my jowls? Are they that slow? Will I finally fit in?

  30. 19 Jul 2008 at 9:56 amStanley said:

    it’s combination of gravy in the arteries trying to carry around two beers in your right hand, and the fact that it’s usually ten million degrees before 7am trying to carry around two beers in your left hand.

    Fixed that for you.

  31. 19 Jul 2008 at 11:18 amparlie said:

    i would rate stanley’s point “strong” to “very strong.” here’s one of my favorite memories form savannah:

    “excuse me son, how old are you?”

    “19.”

    “did you know that it’s illegal to drink under 21 in georgia?”

    “yes.”

    “did you know that it’s illegal to drink and drive in georgia?”

    “…”

    “…”

    “um? yyy-es?”

    “alright then. give me your beer, and don’t do it again. drive safely.”

  32. 19 Jul 2008 at 9:29 pmslyone said:

    I recently got pulled over for rolling through a red light at 7th and main… no crosstraffic, no people walking. Just a ticket from the officer and false information from me …I think I’ve said too much.

    /sorry to get back on topic

  33. 21 Jul 2008 at 10:25 amGobbler said:

    I once asked a cop about this. He replied that “the same laws that apply to cars, apply to bicycles. But you have a better chance of getting away with it on a bike.”

    Personally, I jaybike all the time, and have never been pulled over for it.

    I think applying those Idaho laws could cause problems. I think more bikers would get hit at red lights, cause they aren’t aware of who’s supposed to be going.

  34. 02 Sep 2008 at 3:27 pmTuffy McFucklebee said:

    Hey does anybody know where I could get a milk crate to strap to the back of my bike? Something a-like’a this:
    http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y255/joemilitello/Thursday%20June%2023/IMG_0096.jpg

  35. 02 Sep 2008 at 3:30 pmecho said:

    @34: Yes, I have one. Don’t ask where it came from, but you can have it.

  36. 02 Sep 2008 at 3:37 pmTuffy McFucklebee said:

    Solid. I’m going through my avenues to connect to you. Thanks.

    How about in general? For someone that is looking to hook this up (pun 100% intentional), where would one go in this burg to find a crate? Can you just go to supermarket and ask for them? I bet Reid’s would comply if so.

  37. 02 Sep 2008 at 3:41 pmbelmont yo said:

    There are two square black ones by my back door (near the wheelchair). You are welcome to them.

  38. 02 Sep 2008 at 3:45 pmecho said:

    @36: Technically, it is illegal to have them since they are property of the milk company. I saw a thing on TV where the milk company went through Canal Street in NYC and confiscated all of them that they saw.

  39. 02 Sep 2008 at 3:50 pmTuffy McFucklebee said:

    Tonight on A&E, on the streets of Charlottesville: Cow the Bounty Hunter

  40. 02 Sep 2008 at 3:51 pmbelmont yo said:

    If the milk company lose a crate, they put pictures of the missing crate on the milk cartons, which never get delivered because the crate is missing. It is quite a kerfuffle.

  41. 02 Sep 2008 at 3:57 pmTuffy McFucklebee said:

    I wonder if they got the age-progression correct on the 2 oldies that you’ve kidnapped and left in your backyard.

  42. 02 Sep 2008 at 4:32 pm26 world said:

    I once volunteered for a kerfluffle rescue group. There are so many unwanted kerfluffles in the world.

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