Has anyone noticed the sheer number of yard sales going on today? It’s like half the town decided to get together and sell their junk. What gives? I counted at least 5 yard sales within a 1 mile radius (the most I’ve ever seen).
Popularity: 19% [?]
Tagged as: Charlottesville, yard sale
Move in day at UVA. Far more people in town this week and a far higher percentage of those people looking for things like old TVs, small refrigerators, rugs and such.
also: collectible star wars/burger king pint glasses, used underwear, and prehistoric bongs.
get together and sell their junk
Hawt.
/has decided just t live in the gutter.
…. drip coffee machines from 1972, machines that vacuum seal your food, soda streams, exercise bikes, brown mugs with orange swirls, sandwich toasters, lamps with chunky pea green bases, Perry Como 33’s, glass topped tables with rusty ironwork scrolls….. boxes containing 7 blue mosaic tiles, faded Little Tykes desks encrusted with crayon dander, random faded curtains…. always beige or green, stained tablecloths and yellowing lace doilies.
I live far away from UVA (thank gawd)…near Locust Ave. My ancient neighbors across the street set up a yard sale on Wednesdays, cover the unsold portion at the end of the day with beautiful bright blue tarps, and do this through Sunday. Unsold items (for the past year) include: work out mats (sick), mumus (ugly), circa 1973 food processor, and a variety of junk that would look better in my garbage can than their yard. Whatevs. Still a ton of other “normal” yard sales in this bario than normal, I think.
is it arson if you set all their stuff on fire? it is? maybe don’t do it.
do it parlie, do it! i have some matches and some leftover fireworks. oh, and a pack of camels that i’m not using right now…. wait, no i’m using those, nevermind.
Yard sales are for people who don’t have stuff good enough for ebay and can’t work a computer for craigslist.
And of course old clothes and stuff consignment stores won’t take
buy stuff to set on fire.
it’s not arson if you have the receipt.
Perhaps yard sales are the fruit stands of american consumerism.
It would be dandy if we could somehow either harness energy from all this crap or perhaps build houses or vehicles?
when in doubt, set everything on fire. that’s what i always say.
Parlie… can you immolate my hangover please.
@4: Puh-lease tell me you weren’t knockin’ Perry Como.
He’s the happy-maker.
Doc… Mr Como was a genius. I actually bought ‘Christmas with Perry Como’ a few years back and play it incessantly, starting the day after Thanksgiving. Here is my favorite track just for you…. Perry Como just for Doc
@16 love that. I also have much love for Dean Martin’s xmas songs- rudolf the red nose reindeer is very swinging
@17 Sigh….I would have married Dean Martin… I may even have picked him over Homer Simpson if they were both available. Funny men that drink… it just doesn’t get any better.It just doesn’t.
@16 etc.
the perry como song Hubba Hubba Hubba is godhead… vaguely making fun of early beatnik-lingo… you wouldn’t have it handy,too, would you????
dean-o is great, but of course he came clean in the end… much funnier drunk, certainly, and with sinatra (reverent pause) who stayed lushy to the end swilling Ramos Gin Fizzes (ever tried to order one Downtown? fiasco. major abomination.) and squiring around cool blonde beauties in straight skirts (and espadrilles?)…
but, floozie, if you want a reformed funny drunk… i’m here at greenberry’s now and there’re dozens of them sitting around being funny for you. i THINK those are tears of laughter…
well here you go flooze, you want a mix between Dino and Homer=Jerry Lewis
Otter……Reformed? ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. Sounds infectious to me.
not ME!!! merely oobserving the Reformed from a safe and as you wisely counsel hygienic distance.
jerry lewis is godawful… ask shenanigans, she claims to deal with the french… the french ADORE lewis. what about robert downey jr as a more palatable compromise?
Robert Downey can not maintain. he is too much or nothing - more droll than funny and he can’t croon.
Would still love to have dinner with him.
Otter… I make it a point, at all costs, to avoid the newly enlightened soberites. They bore me. Immensely.
Emord…. I would not throw RD out of bed for eating chips, but neither is he on my fantasy dinner party list.
/On that point EN, you have spawned a nice idea for an article. Thors, gather yourselves and prepare for a literary submission.
ok!
oops.
@24 perhaps I can add “Floozy’s muse’ to my resume?
Emord… I pay well but demand loyalty.
You keep my in booze and I’ll be the muse!
me not my
ym ton em
just got your nickname
wait a minute, that ain’t no emordnilap
Shhh colfer, it’s a secret
oh man i love palindromes! you and i are going to be best friends, whether you like it or not.
you’re not going to like it.
you go both ways?
/figured it out several days ago…
@32 Go hang a salami, I’m a lasagna hog!
crazy mad yard sales = the fundamentals of our economy are strong
@35 murder for a jar of red rum.
there exists a sub-group of palindrome enthusiasts who believe that there’s a palindrome out there that encompasses all knowledge in the universe, and that when it’s discovered, we’ll all achieve pure enlightenment and see god.
yet another example of how unhealthy it is to worship things.
what if you worship fires and booze?
@36 or everyone’s selling their belongings for food & firewood.
I’d rather burn my belongings than sell them for firewood.
i’m confused.
i tried to burn bourbon on saturday night, and nobody paid me a red cent.
I forgot to get drunk this weekend- that’s a lack of priorities right there
@42: Completely unacceptable. Go sit in the corner and don’t come back until you’ve had 3 bourbons.
@24
what happened to Floozie’s promised posting, no doubt to be a zinger, to stir the hive???? excrutiatingly dull here today, gang. i’m ALMOST doing an actual honest day’s work, by default of anything to rail against here.
quo usque tandem abutere, catalina, patientia nostra? qu’est-ce que j’en ai a foutre de ce merde-la—des postings de vache la, que de conneries. debrouillez-vous!!!
Christ dung, I wrote a fucking tomb earlier. Granted it was rather boring, but I’d like to think Im doing my part.
@44: C’est comme ça lorsque je n’y suis. Tous des enculés.
@46: Stop working and come make the internetz more entertaining. b’yo can’t do it all by himself.
@45
BYO— i absorbed it with keen interest, through the haze of sudafed/benadryl i’m sucking down for some sort of dengue i contracted over the weekend. Delighted, as with all your stuff, but seemed to defy comment—or demand line-by-line commentary/annotations, which i daren’t have undertaken… glad to see you are somewhat recovered from ennui of last week… you had us worried: i walked the mall a couple times looking for depressive/troubled educated people who looked like they knew house-tunes, but…..
@46
Ah! La biche! Ca m’a fait frissoner de revoir ton nom dans ces pages—toi aussi me semblait AWOL pendent un temps. Mon p’tit cadeau t’as trouve? [I still speak french, as you say, like a bitch. Just not like a CANADIEN.]
glad to see you are somewhat recovered from ennui of last week…
This will take some time, though there was definitely a spike last week. I pretty much lost my shit right about the time I discovered all you lovely freaks on this site, so unfortunately, you dont know me as anything other than the belmont yo yo. jocular by day, tormented by demons at night. Pity really, but whatever… just gotta keep taking steps (at any pace other than sets of twelve).
i think if one is NOT tormented by demons at night (real or imagined) one is probably an idiot, or blind of perception of the world/human-condition. not an excuse for not being happy-go-lucky in day/public, but still…
as before…anything we(i) can do to help.
@47: I have so much work and it’s all because of the damned KAY-bec-WAH.
@48: Wow, ton français s’ameliore…mais il faut me vouvoyer encore, vous n’avez rien fait pour avoir le luxe de me tutoyer, j’nai rien reçu!
@51: That sucks. I have zero work to do until I go back to Ohio. Now I just get to play on my computer.
Got crap for a work today too. Supposedly a truck load comin down the pipe, but it aint here yet.
So y’all are stuck with me.
Can any lurkers come out to play?
(sometimes if you ask real nice, they do)
@50 i am tormented by mosquitoes at night.
You need to be wrapped in netting… preferably of the fish variety. Ahem.
You need to be wrapped in netting… preferably of the
fishinter variety.I fixed that for you.
/mmmm; internet shield….
that took me a while.
@51
on se peut tutoyer–tu me traitais d’un sacre tas d’abus autrefois, et comme je t’ai dit il y a une espece de cadeau que t’attend chez Thor/Spicy Bear.
derniere fois que j’etais environs Quebec, chiottes de poutines, les Herring-Chokers refausait de me comprendre en francais… espece d’abrutis…
Is there a present for me at the Spicy Bear office y’all? I wanna know if Mr. I’m-trying-to-seduce-you-with-my-French is for real or just pulling a Max Bacon…
@58: Fuck the mutherfuckin Kay-bec-wah. Excuse my French. X-Lounge has gud Poutine.
When french and my name get mixed together, I get le confused.
@59
J’en ai marre de boulot—je vais m’en filer.
Of course there is.
Seduce? That hadn’t occurred to me as an option. Sure: sign me up, please.
gnight all.
@60 yeah! and it makes me le stop reading.
@ 62 Me too…
@60/62
ummmm, is there any way we could pass that big-ass box i sent to Shen c/o Spicy Bear along to her, to facilitate my ALLEGED seducing?
WHERE’S MY PRESENT???
I’m totally creeped out. wtf is in that box…? is there any good answer?
i will examine all boxes before sending them to our box-passing department. after that it’s pretty much in god’s hands.
If it’s lingerie, Thor’s prolly already stole it for himself.
thor #187 DO NOT OPEN THE BOX. otterdung has the upper hand.
@67: I’m reading that all wrong, I think/I hope.
OMG OPEN THE BOX
@66/67
harmless. contents covered elsewhere.
certainly shenanigans will here-report her bemused outrage upon opening.
and withdraw to-be-seduced offer, frenchify-though-i-may.
oh. it’s just letters to her mom.
#69–
just got chided by some idiot down the hall for cackling too loudly at that comment.
Has the box opened yet?
What’s in the box?
/Seriously, how long was this going to go one before that popped up?
If it’s a head, you’re in deep dung, Otterdung.
Oh and it better not de a dick.
I think probably Van Halen is the box.
@77
i think they ask you at the PO if there are any hazardous materials or severed heads in the package.
however, imagine me red-facedly explaining to the post-office lady why the return address said ‘otterdung’.
77&78 redundant?
@81:
@77 was a reference to movie Seven
@78: was a reference to Justin Timberlake sketch
magine me red-facedly explaining to the post-office lady
They are trained pros. They are always supposed to say “the dildo”, not “your dildo”…
/or is that the TSA?
Hope you got those pop culture references cuz Lulu will come tell you you’re stupid if you didn’t
@ 82 Oh don’t mind me, Im just being a dickhead.
@83: If it’s a dildo, Thor prolly stole it for himself
@84: Damn skippy. But Shen, you didn’t really need to explain yourself in 82… Belmonty O was making a joke about 77&78, because “head” = “dick” in modern parlance.
@everybody: we talked about it, and we’re going to open the box this weekend.
Wait are we talking about shen’s box or The Box? Is either open yet?
@87: Oh really? I thought head= giving a Beej. But that’s why I’m more popular with the boys than you.
thor, please re-name this thread “the festival of the low-hanging fruit.”
@90: It means that too. And I would never dream of trying to compete with you in a popularity contest. Especially where boys are concerned.
@88: that’s like, a billion days from now! what if it’s a kitten and it dies? kitten murder. red rum net tik.
90/92: is anyone ever trying to compete with shen? that’s a race I don’t even know the rules to, let alone the rationale. this is a false blog war, one I wish would stop.
@88
ooops! did i inadvertently omit to address the package: “Shenanigans”?
Wait wait wait… hold up. Blow job contest? People still have those?
@88 & 95
to get it to Shen with the bows intact, you’re suggesting a Watergate or Thomas-Crown-Affair breakin and hostage-rescue will be required? do gentlemen read one another’s mail? O tempores et mores!!!
bows? blows? jobs? affairs? I think gentlemen are the last thing inhabiting this thread.
@98
i devoutly hoped that Shenanigans was NOT one, but fancifully imagined Cvillain/CareBear mail-intermediaries WERE. To which each will cling until it’s otherwise demonstrated.
@98 - yes…I…um, hate yard sales. Yeah, that’s it. I don’t frequent them for their cool stuff and colorful clientele. That’s not what I do. No sirree bob. Let’s get back to the blowjay talk.
I think gentlemen are the last thing inhabiting this thread.
I posit that even gentlemen are occasionally considerably undersexed, oft owing to their gentlemanly manner itself, and are therefore prone to slip into the gutter. I maintain that though their feet may be planted low in in the detritus that causes such ravenous turgidity in *all* men, as long as their eyes are cast upward to the stars, they maintain their mantle of gentility.
~with apologies to oscar wilde.
Why haven’t you called me asshole?
That was at 101… sorry
Calling now, was stripping flooring out of kitchen.
101: rock on, lol, etc!! I was worried that all this talk about boxes and blow jobs was gonna cost us the high brow stature ascribed to us by our adoring fans in charlottesville.
seriously, though, I don’t mind the talk (or the act) but it’s funny to call us gentlemen or ladies so close on the heels of such a thread.
carry on, carry on
@101, BYo, I think we need to hang out. Your comment reads like a lifelong fortune cookie.
@ 106 I gladly entertain offers to hang out. I need human interaction. I go whole days without talking to anyone. My solitude grows old and weary. I am always here, rotting in belmont, working on something or another (ie remodeling the kitchen and working on an abstract painting of a liver). Fair warning: I am not that good at being a “friend”, as I have always been shitty at all that entails… oh shit… demons… gah! log off, log off! No more manic bad posting lameness.
Catch you on the jocular side of things… day time is the gay time!
/not that there’s anything wrong with that.
@107: Don’t make me walk down the street, Mr. Monty. I’ll do it, by jove, I will.
I’m sure I have spare building parts somewhere. My back porch is your back porch to pillage at will. Ripping apart my life and casting off literally everything I own. A backpack and 4 chopsticks the only thing left. Wait. 3. Alas no spare organs, but my liver is going “as is” anytime soon. Whole days w/out talking to anyone. Exactly. I’m the worst friend ever.
@59 Qu’est-ce que cela signifie “tirant un Max Bacon”? Avez-vous,”Se laisser manger la laine sur le dos?”
J’ai été averti au sujet de taquineries Shenanigans. De bons conseils, non?
@107
There is no fate that cannot be overcome by scorn…. Camus.
@110
Ah, dis donc! Les griffes s’etedent… Il semble en emerger une exemplaire de l’emballage de trousers aupres du lit de Shen (sa propre parole)… On fait habitude de cette maniere de tripotage, ma chere??
@Shen
So sorry about the package… did my best to encourage delivery of it intact, unopened and in the cordial offline spirit in which sent. Anticlimax now.
@Floozie
Need anything, dearie? any small gift i can give to the webmaster in your name?
@Ottie… yeah… get me a pony. One of those ones that doesn’t shit so I can keep it in the house.
Christ. The morning came and the darkness didn’t leave.
Time to check myself in somewhere I suppose.
The morning came and the darkness didn’t leave.
I was just thinking that the morning came and the drunk didn’t leave. This is kinda odd.
Scowly just emailed me and there is indeed a package at the Spicy Bear office. Oh the suspense!
@115 “fan mail from some flounder?”
/obscure?
Oh, et le Français prend lentement contrôle de ce fil. Qui nous a traité comme élitistes?
otterdung put his package in your box?
/sorry, gutheadter
//see @114
@ 118 Nice!
[…] last week’s chatter about Yard Sales, one “Otterdung” was apparently smitten by our beloved Shenanigans and claimed to […]
@112
Floozie,
You deserve a pony, Sweetie. I’ll scrounge one up for you and send it to Spicy Bear so they can open it up instead of you and keep it for themselves as well.
@120
i’ve forgotten and can’t locate the thread, but i believe i was talking of how there was nothing anyone with testes could buy downtown, other than gifts for gals and moms. i think Shen replied something like ‘i like gifts’ or ‘any gift is fine with me’…. whence the package. do i have this wrong?
But i’d be happy to be besotted of Shen if, for prime example, this wasn’t anonymous and faceless and incorporeal cyberspace. Think i’d have better luck on Craigslist NSA, though?
@ Shenanigans…
Is there some reason i should be smitten by you? I mean, other than the small breasts and your academically impeccable but somewhat academically stiff french you write and evidently espeak to neanderthaline canadians, and your frequently lurid commentary and (i ASSUME parody-ironic) self-descriptions as a wanton hussy?
@112
Floozie—this is from a local gal, in re ponies:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=60Bzniv5kxE