When three birdies send in an the article, you know Scowly runs away from it, right? The New York Times article by JOSHUA KURLANTZICK (yes, I’m calling you out for an EPIC FAIL) details “36 Hours in Charlottesville, VA.” Ok, so maybe you visited, but you still deserve an Epic Fail.
So Josh “goes around,” visits Blue Grass (see our Charlottesville Breakfast Battle) and visits UVa. Ok, acceptable tourism. Josh also does superhuman things like a 9AM hike of the Shenendoah Trail that gets him back to Charlottesville by 11Am. Ok, maybe you are superhuman. But Josh, what about this visit to the mall?
3 p.m.
1) MALL RATSRunning through the center of Charlottesville, the pedestrian mall is lined with oak trees and packed with students kicking the Hacky Sack and talking philosophy over coffee. Start at the east end and take a long leg-stretcher along the mall. You’ll pass rows of restored brick buildings, street mimes and violinists, a central plaza for public art, and al fresco cafes that make the street seem more European than American — something the Europhile Jefferson would have appreciated. Reflecting the local cuisine fascination, the mall also has become a grand eating fest, with places proudly featuring Virginia ingredients. Stop in just off the main mall for a snack at Feast (416 West Main Street, Suite H; 434-244-7800; www.feastvirginia.com), an artisanal cheese shop, charcuterie and gourmet market that could easily be found in Paris.
Can we analyze your paragraph for bullshit?
1. “packed with students kicking the Hacky Sack” - I rarely see students who pack the mall at 3pm. I also wonder the last time I saw people both doing hacky sack and philosophy.
2. “central plaza for public art” - Do you mean the street vendors 4/5ths of whom sell the exact same crap, that ugly-as-sin fountain, and the giant construction site? Oh, ya that’s public art at its finest. Not.
3. “just off the main mall for a snack at Feast” - I guess crossing the busiest intersection in Charlottesville and a 10 minute walk counts as “just off.” We love Feast, don’t get us wrong. What about all the dining on the mall?
4. “street mimes” - Maybe I’m blind, but I haven’t seem a mime on the mall in a long time.
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Tagged as: Charlottesville, coverage, Downtown Mall, new york times, tourism
Don’t be haten ! It is a nice place. He didn’t mention the crack deals going or the tampine twins.
We love you Charlottesville!!
the article also says Barboursville is the fictional locale for “The Waltons” on TV … but wasn’t Walton’s Mountain (even in the fictional TV series) south of Charlottesville?
although i guess i could be “misremembering” the series …
@4
Waltons in Schuyler or thereabouts, definitely 29 South.
/never once seen a Mime in town, either. Nor UVA students playing hacky-sack. Nor anyone talking philosphy.
Wait , there are no street mimes?! I might have to re-think my whole road trip.
@6
there are fucking clowns. not the kind in face-paint and big-shoes, red noses.
but the kind who would dick-over Shen or {insert idiocies}.
I’m trying to figure out how he blew $35 on brunch for two at Bluegrass! One of the reasons I love Bluegrass so much is that I can take my family of *four* there for brunch and typically spend under $30–sometimes *well* under $30.
(Perhaps he was using that fancy New York City money!)
Note also the date on the NYT article: October 26, 2008. That’s two days into the future.
Perhaps we’re about to be invaded by mimes with Hacky Sacks, and this is a warning?
(Guess I’d better oil my guns…)
Bluegrass sucks, as does that guy’s fantasy description of the Mall.
@9
The only pending immigration to Cville Mall is planned by Manchen Douggles.
Manchen, please assure us you neither mime nor play hacky-sack.
I have never seen an oak tree on the mall.
don’t acorns fall from oak trees?
@10
What do you dislike? Has Bluegrass gone downhill, or have you always disliked it?
(I’ll admit I’ve not been there much lately, mostly because my work schedule and my kids’ activities no longer afford me the flexibility of long brunches. However, I used to be a very frequent patron, albeit back when the original owners ran the place, and I loved the place.)
Disclaimer: I play the banjo, so my impartiality may be questionable.
another fail - he mentions OLD House vineyard, which is in Culpeper, more than 50 miles away. i’d say only two or three of their wines are above par.
why couldn’t he point out one of the actual cville trail vineyards, like Jefferson, Barboursville, Horton, White Hall, you know, one of the ones actually IN THE AREA and that have more than 3 wines worth trying? Helllllloooo!~
@14 Blue grass has always been great, IMHO.
but, they need to get a liquor license and sell bloody marys with breakfast, FTW obvi
@8 - That place is pricey.. how do you get out of there for under $7 a person? Short stack of pancakes and water?
@4 yeah, Walton Mountain is down south 29 near where 151 goes north to Wintergreen. FAIL, NYT travel writer.
@16: And that’s why it sucks
@17
1/2 my party consists of small kids, and I personally like the biscuits & gravy (which only costs a couple bucks).
I was just wanting a bloody mary.
@19 shen, you make a good point. if i didn’t already have three or four bloody marys AT HOME before i went to eat at bluegrass, i might not like it so much anymore either.
@20: Ugh, kids AND sobriety on a Sunday? You brave brave soul.
@10, @17, @19: Not the Bluegrass Grille and Bakery! I am also amazed by people who don’t like this fun little place. Sure, the lines can be long on Saturdays, and there are no Bloody Marys, and the menu is organized in a strange fashion…
…but this is the best breakfast place in town! Consider: REAL orange juice, REAL maple syrup (by request for $1), and REAL local ingredients. I also like their bacon and their hearty hearty biscuits.
As for the prices, well, they might seem high for breakfast, but are actually right in line with the rest of the prices at any near-downtown place. People spend $$$ for fancy appetizers and lots of booze (cf, $100 margarita!) but suddenly balk at $9 for a gourmet breakfast. I say, share the love in the morning, as well as in the evening (this applies to other situations as well).
@24: I really hate it when a restaurant tries to use fake local ingredients. They just don’t have the same flavor.
Sure, maybe not everything is local. But back up your claim.
Not everyone wants bacon and biscuits and syrup for brunch. Boooo. I go to Maya and get booze and smoked salmon.
mmm…..
I love Maya, too. You almost have good taste… Just not in the morning, it seems.
Their smoked salmon on vegetable-potato cakes tastes good.
What we really need is to find a place to have a good Portugese Breakfast.
I noted the first sentence: “Arriving in Charlottesville from the lush, rural Virginia countryside, you almost feel like you’ve stepped back into ancient Rome.”
Newcomers on their way into town will have trouble with this analogy while passing Target, WalMart, Outback Steakhouse, Applebee’s, and Best Buy, ne c’est pas?
Also — the idea of dinner at Palladio followed by drinks at Miller’s is utterly ridiculous. I know New York visitors might be happy with the elegance of the restaurant, but even hip Lower East Side Trustafarians wouldn’t survive this transition… it’s the equivalent of going to the Bronx after Le Bernardin!
(the mimes are invisible-
don’t step on them).
@15 ew, white hall & horton don’t have wines worth trying.
oh jeez this is too funny, NY TIMES FAILED!
@33 ORLY? White Hall’s Viognier, Petit Manseng, and Petit Verdot all won awards recently, and they have a Chardonnay, Gwertz, and a Touriga that are all worth trying. Horton’s Tannat, Viognier, Pinotage, and Petit Manseng have all won recognition as well, and there are countless others that are way above average.
so, either the professionals who judge these competitions don’t know what they’re doing, or you haven’t really tried their wines, or you have a particular sense of what makes a good wine that I happen to disagree with.
i mean, drink what you like - i won’t judge you for that. but, being as objective as possible, i think you’re wrong about white hall and horton.
I like Horton and Burnley for their down-to-earth, simple, drinkable wines
Horton is certainly a good place to get drunk.
I have seen a mime. One of those robot acts, in front of former Order from Horder. In September of this year.
The Walton’s Museum is in downtown Schuyler, near the house in which the author grew up. Walton’s Mountain is a fictional nearby place, not on 151, or at the store you saw at 29S & 6W.
Feast “just off the main mall”. For a New Yorker, it is that close.
Etc. etc.
Good catch on the oak trees though.
i like Horton’s Norton and their Viognier
@14 Jeff Uphoff…. weren’t you in Deliverance?
I lovvve the part where he says “Get to Miller’s early before the college crowd packs the place”
ahahahahahahahahaha
@40
I wondered when someone would suggest that.
@39 @35 @33
I’ll second (third?) the vote for Horton’s Viognier. I considered a couple of their recent Viognier vintages to be quite good.
Jeff…..I saw this written on the back of a cab yesterday…. “Paddle Faster…I hear Banjos”…. now that’s funny shit.
Just to throw this out there - the majority of the trees on the mall ARE oaks. They are likely willow oaks, though, and not the more familiar pin-oaks. The leaves are different but the acorns give them away.
Perhaps the mime act was our resident ‘fuck’ yelling psycho who had laryngitis that day. S’possible.
@44
Trees on the mall consist of Willow Oaks, Sugar Maples, and Bradford Pears. Vast majority being Willow Oaks.
Bah html
http://www.mydowntownmall.com/pdf/reports/Mall%20Tree%20Survey%20Report.pdf
@45
i’ve always thought of YOU as OUR resident fuck-yelling etc.
/but affectionately always.
I once saw a clown in a tree on the downtown mall (i.e. some drunk putz who climbed up a tree near Sal’s).
Drinkable wines? My palate is not so sophisticated as to really tell a difference. I usually go for whatever has the most for the least amount and tastes decent. I’m a Barefoot whore.
As for said author, yet another douchenozzle who gets paid to do a job that he doesn’t do. He could become an administrator at UVa.
I think the guy…I can only assume he aspires to the NY Times was confusing our fair city w/ a Dead Show circa 1981. I mean…sure, I was playing hacky sack today outside of something called blue or not and performing my hitherto misunderstood street theatre w/ puppets …got lost on the parkway (strangely also blue) on my way to the Dew Drop (coincidence…I think not) in Short Pump or Scottsville or wherever and all the boob had to do was watch just one Walton’s episode. Probably got into that special recipe that the sisters were always brewing and people….this is the state of “journalism” today.
Yeah…that’s some eclectic mix of art they are selling downtown. It’s so tough to decide between the never ending stream of crappy Indian shit on every given Friday I’ve been here. It all sucks so much. But, I’m OPTIMISTIC.
I’ll go back to my mime practice now.
ooh, @49 - there are wines available that are relatively inexpensive that might pique your interest, along the same lines as Barefoot - have you tried the Bay Bridge lines at Kroger? It’s said that it’s a second run by a famous winemaker, but at a fraction of the cost…
@50
nyt jason blair; dateline: my mom’s basement.
@51
balkan reds. Avia.
Food Lion, $5 spanish reds…
missed ya, OD
missed you too, really. i kept dozing off before your arrival, then you were gone for a bit, it seemed. got a show this wknd? i’m bored and in penury again, prepared to wander.
i’ll try the spanish reds–hard to argue with concho del toro, or the balkan bull’s blood of eger–but i think both are up in the teens now.
no, this is something else, - i’ll try to get the name for you. produced somewhere in catalunya….yes, i was gone for a bit - didn’t really have anything to contribute, you know? No, I’m thinking we’re done with shows til spring (with blue, also got reserve champion for division and 3rd in series, what a surprise!). Young-un deep in school stuff, so doesn’t really need the distraction, but we’re thinking about leasing. will afford her plenty work, plenty rides, but shows are tre expensive, so will hold off till later. She’s only 12, so she’s got plenty of time. On the other hand, little girl sings, has public performances at Omni in December, local nursing home in November, National Christmas tree in December, NY,NY sometime this year and Ohio University in April… She’s got plenty on docket. meanwhile, older brother and sister got plenty stuff to spend our hard earned dollars on…too complicated to go into here, but we’re watching family budget closely, while trying to feed passions…. Thanks.
catalunya sounds familiar. i have nothing to contribute myself–today i accidently hit the one tabooooo subject here, made fun of bratty nouveau-riche house-god—will probably drop out for a while over that one.
kids sound magnificent. i won’t drag further out of you about them here, lest one of the banshees come to wail us away from such pleasant talk. know my interest and pride. a family, to me, sounds like a nice thing. i keep meaning to date someone or get engaged or whatever one day.
signing out now, but genuinely delighted to have you back. i’ve been enjoying BBT and a cindylouhoo a lot, but looked for you every nite.
@51 Thanks for the suggestion… I’ll have to check them out. What’s this about $5 spanish reds?
@52, 53 Balkan reds? Had to actually look up penury…love new words but what brought you to such a state?
/has no idea what has kept her from rejoining the human race earlier… actually ventured out on her own today! and kidnapped one roommate for a movie at Newcomb and drinks tomorrow at SS.
/also has no idea why she’s so excited about this, either.
@57 - keep yourself busy, it’s the best way to fall in love, when you just don’t have time for it, and yet you do anyway… I understand dropping out - we all need to take a break now and then. Kids are magnificent, just tucking in one who is least tuck-inable… Family is totally a nice thing. Thanks for looking out for me. I need that, or at least, the thought of it.
@58 - them spanish reds are delicious - will investigate and get back to you. Know Food Lion is where they were found…Keep venturing, friend!
you both make me so happy. nice to have these few quiet snarkless moments before the bars close and folks start pouring in here to be nasty. stupidity path to penury. there are some amazing insanely cheap eastern european reds–they are thick as syrup and like chewing on acorns, almost opaque. have a lovely SS evening–should be a nicely insane shoulder-to-shoulder night. not busy, no love… just thinking i would like to be engaged. trying an end-run (i don’t know sports-metaphors, but that sounds right) around the baggage-handlers. gnight you two.
it occurs to me reading you, BBT, that i write on this website about charlottesville all the time, but haven’t visited it myself in many years in any meaningful way.
@60 what the heck do yo mean, you write about cv, but haven’t visited it in any meaningful way… Now you’ve totally confused me…
i can’t find the ffa. hello?
is this thing on?
World Market also often has good prices (and sales) on various Spanish reds, typically taking them down to the $7-8 range. Wrongo Dongo and Borsao, both Spanish reds, are two favorites of mine.
I believe this little tipple that is sold at World Market would be a good recommendation…. all things considered.
this being this and if it doesn’t work then I’m bored and not going to do it again.
@35 “so, either the professionals who judge these competitions don’t know what they’re doing, or you haven’t really tried their wines, or you have a particular sense of what makes a good wine that I happen to disagree with.”
of course i’ve tried their wines. so it’s either (a) or (c).
re (c): gud: gabriele, stone mountain, delfosse, keswick, blenheim cab franc, jefferson viognier…
bad: berry flavored wine, anything from the heart of virginia wine trail, peaks of otter, hilltop, wintergreen, sugarleaf, the second white at crush yesterday…
/threw up 8 times after tasting at horton, barboursville, & burnley. not blaming barboursville.
@36 shen likes girlie stuff.
Go to Mkt St WS, you’l get something cheap and picked by a pro. Not everything has to be Walmart.
@59, 63, 65 Getting very excited to sit down to some serious wine drinking!
@60 Yes, I concur with BP, a little confused? Hopefully your night ended on a little less bitter note. Unless of course that bitterness is in the form of some sinfully dark dark chocolate.
@67 I always forget to go back to that place. Liked the shop as well as the staff.
unalloyed endorsement of Market Street Wine and its staff, one of coolest/classiest little shops left in town.
unamalgamated scorn for label snobs. sometimes your date is only worth a $4 bottle of Avia from Kroger.
no bitterness. adore Cville, just never drag myself Downtown anymore, day/night. Preserving in memory.
anyone else notice that the pic with this Post looks JUST like a $9.6 million painting but with fewer sheep?
I’m in one of the pictures! I so famous.
Street…. are you the cow or the sheep?
beer run has an under-$10 wine section.
@72…and Josh… don’t forget Josh… nom nom nom nom…..
yes josh is gud.
Josh is betr than cheezburgrz..
/Stanley or Byo feel free to correct my Lolcatz grammar….
@71 That was so b-a-a-a-a-a-a-d, but mooooving, nevertheless.
In other news, this.
Also — don’t fail to have a look at the selection in Tastings. I was impressed by the place when I visited it last week… they have stuff I have never seen in this country, and a “wall” of bottles under $10. Lots of stuff from the South of France, which remains, despite all the new competition from elsewhere, your best entertainment value.
Friends don’t let friends buy wine (or meat, or produce) at Food Lion. Sure, Yellow Tail might cost a dollar less than the bargain wines at Market St. or Tastings. But if the only thing that hangs in the balance when buying wine is a dollar, maybe consider stopping drinking?
@77 But isn’t that why some people drink? Because their lives are so dictacted by the dollar? Or, as in my case, the lack thereof?
Seriously, though, I’ll have to check it out. Like I said, I’m usually a Barefoot drinker, only because I can get that big 1.5 litre bottle for $10. If someone can point me in the directions of other decent wines for the same amount of money for the same amount of wine, then I’d be very delighted.
@66: Oh yes she do. She drinks pink champagne. At least she doesn’t guzzle cosmos and appletinis tho.
@66 holy shit orchid, so it’s horton’s fault that you tried all 40 of their wines and couldn’t hold your shit together?
if you don’t like the damn fruit wines, don’t try ‘em. no wonder you didn’t get the sophistication and quality of the other dozen wines that are worth a damn.
Horton’s? Tim Horton’s?
Man, I miss their donut holes and coffee.
/can’t believe there’s a Tim Horton’s in West Virginia and not here…
/and now seriously craving a donut hole.
@79 you’re not saying I do, are you?
@80 uh no, i did not throw up EIGHT TIMES and be sick for a week afterwards from drinking too much. it was food poisoning.
actually, i tried their other wines today, & i did not detest them, did i, echo? i don’t remember. i do remember what is gross and i stop. like that goth winery that was next to horton at the festival today. they poured their “chardonnay,” i smelled it, my 2 compatriots smelled it, we all went ew, i threw it out. chardonnay not supposed to have “apple, pear, peach” in it.
@75 it is customary to use gt/lt in place of “betr than”. par example:
josh > chzburgrz
notice also the almost complete vowel-removal in “chzburgrz”. if lolspeak is anything, it’s economical. kitties dun tipe gud.
however, the premise of your sentiment is so not appro for lolspeak, as in the general rules and bilaws of lolspeak, nothing, i repeat, nothing, is better than cheezburgers.
@82 food poisoning? why didn’t you say so?sorry to hear that. did you and echo go to pick of the piedmont? hope you all had fun.
chardonnay not supposed to have “apple, pear, peach” in it. - i’m afraid after that comment you have lost all credibility with me concerning wine. on most other things though i still think you’re the tits. hugz!
@83 Dr R….HAHAHA…. whilst I do appreciate the hierarchy of the cheezburger over all other things in feline life, I contend that a Joshburger would have to be my preference…. preferably covered in chocolate sauce… nom nom nom nom……
Sorry… typing with one hand… nom nom nom…
Ya, I’m pretty sure most Chardonnays have apple notes/aromas.
@83-86 you misunderstand me. and shen, i should think you’d know me better than to patronize like the waitress at the upstairs did. (”pinot noir is lighter, cabernet is heavier.”)
the INGREDIENTS of the wines at castle gruen are apples, pears, etc. as opposed to (or maybe in addition to) grapes.
i tried to find a product description but they don’t have a website.
BLECH!
@87: Gotcha. I thought you’d lost your mind!
P.S. Whites go with fish. Reds go with meat.
@89 which wine goes with sexy bartenders like shen?
This one perhaps…
Champagne. Write that down.
@89 the upstairs, continued:
waitress: how would you like that cooked?
orchid: a little more than rare.
waitress: oh you mean medium rare.
noooooo……
@93 you’re right orchid, how dare the waitress suggest you stick to the conventional, time-tested 5-degrees of steak temperature. she wouldn’t get any shit from the chef at all for ordering “a little more than rare”.
you’re killing me today, orchid! keep em coming.
@92 noted.
/sends bottle of gruet to the lady’s table>
@94 i am serious. if she didn’t want to let me have my thirty-five dollar steak cooked as i wanted, she should have told me to stick with rare, as “a little more than rare” is a lot more like rare than it is like medium rare.
if cooking a steak is too difficult for jaison, which i doubt, perhaps he is in the wrong business.
i’ve had no end of trouble getting steak cooked in the Pittsburgh Manner.
So far South Street is the only place that got it right.
Orchid gets uppity when she’s paying for the steak, y’all. Derrr.
orchid always pays for her steak. It’s juts a question of whether she pays with money or with…umm…alright, I’m going back to work.
Oh no you di’ int.
@66 - that Melon baller wine from Crush last Fri was 10x gross for sure. I’m glad we are in agreeance on that one. Nice to re-meet you, Orchid! And thanks for the winery suggestions. I ended up preparing my den for winter hibernation in lieu of wine tasting.
hey, stop telling lies about me–i’ve only paid for a steak with money ONCE!
@101 probably a good idea. bad things happened to people who went wine tasting this weekend.
see you this friday