We always talk about the downtown mall as this end-all be-all hotspot of Charlottesville. At no point do I remember anyone saying it was the go-to place for drugs! We touched briefly on our cocaine habit, but we couldn’t pinpoint a location for that. We weren’t quite sure how Sexshuns owner, Reynold George Samuels, FBI raid this past February would turn out, but he recently pleaded guilty to conspiring to distribute a controlled substance (marijuana and crack) and copyright infringement (fake DVDs, I swear I am not making this up). The Daily Progress reports:
Authorities have described Samuels as the head of the drug operation, organizing shipments of marijuana from New York that others distributed locally. According to a news release, Samuels admitted in Charlottesville’s federal court on Monday that the conspiracy distributed more than 3,000 kilograms of marijuana and more than 50 grams of crack in the region under his watch. He also said in court that he sold several pirated videos to undercover law enforcement officers last winter, the release noted.
Since Reynold is out of the picture, I think its very important we fill his previous position ASAP. Check out the job description below:
Job Location: Downtown Mall
Responsibilities:
- Manage and incentivize a local sales staff
- Negotiate with out of state suppliers and arrange for interstate shipment of products
- Manage a simple P&L
- Operate a fake business
- Relocate the business as necessary
- Manage development plans and training for Sales associates
- Develop a sales plan and aggressively prospect, evaluate and identify best opportunities
Minimum Qualifications:
- 4-7 years work experience, entrepreneurial background preferred
- Strong leadership skills
- Has led a local sales force before
- Understanding of money laundering white-flags
- A self motivated, driven approach to business
- Specific experience with building an enthusiastic client base that would rather die than live without your products
Compensation:
Salary is dependent on sales. Risk is strongly encouraged and highly rewarded.
If it makes Belmont Yo feel any better (given the previous the first article on dealing on campus, and the second on local marijuana usage and its prevention of lung cancer), we can just call this month, Drug Awareness Month, and leave the paranoia at the door.
[pic from bizmac on Flickr]
Related posts:
- FBI Arrests Owner of Sexshuns
- Charlottesville, City of Crack aka “Sweet Town”
- Planned Murder = 9.5 Years, Drug Distribution = 16 Years
Vanillavy’s Daily Stats: 1-3 on spelling “manage” properly. If this were baseball, you’d be having a good day.
Vanilla-nut loves to talk about drugs.
Kyle’s qualifications for this opening seem impeccable. Perhaps a minor sacrifice and a little extra effort on his part in this business arena could help to re-capitalize SpicyBear, saving it from some dark fate in the hands of Google or another web-buyout greedmonger. Added to which, Kyle’s demonstrated interest in fostering community could be well-served by this sort of work, which would tend to include a good bit of face-to-face contact with locals, and would also empower certain of them in the sense of offering advancement-oriented business experience.
@1…well taken, my pudgy fingers double type sometimes…
@2 i love talking about drugs, of course!
So, the only part of our socitety that is using the metric system is police (related to drugs only), they don’t report speeders as going over 110 Km/h!
thats a really good observation. we should all use the same damn measurement system, and you can throw in crash safety and emissions standards while you are at it
The sciences! We use that metric business all the time. It amazes me that the blue collar world (plumbing, carpentry, etc.) all get along with doing the 3/32nds wrench sizes and 8 and 7/10ths drill bits so well, and can do that math so easily.
Jimmy Carter really tried his best.
http://bumperstickers.cafepress.com/item/whats-next-metric-system-bumper-sticker/170334682
anyone ever tried to work on a european car with a non-metric wrench set? BIG headache
Anyone ever tried to build a spaceship to orbit Mars using the metric system only to have one of your suppliers use the imperial system? NASA did. It’s ok though. It only cost $327.6 million.
oh man, that’s a drug dealer sprint. who can sell 50 grams the quickest?
20 minutes? 15? can you do it in 10 minutes?
it’s all about effort, folks.
i made the mistake of buying a set of SAE ratcheting wrenches when i had an American car. Three imports, dozens of rounded off bolts and one major relationship later, she’s got the American car and i’ve got a useless set of SAE wrenches and a piecemeal set of metric stuff.
@11 … this idea might sound totally nuts, but why don’t you sell them? It may be heart wrenching but you can turn it around and one day you’ll wonder what you ever saw in them.
Yours,
S.Cutcheon
@9: seriously!? thats insane. Love the EFFICIENCY of the world, yes, 2008, we rock.
@11
i have a brit vehicle and no proper spanners if you’d like to dump them.
@10 I think you’ve found the next great American game show sensation.
“Who wants to buy an 8-ball?” or “America’s Next Top Dealer” or “Are You Smarter Than a DEA Agent”
@12, 14
the problem is, the minute i get rid of them, i’ll need them. they’re still useful around the house.
Pearls before swine.
@15 ideally, the game shows will act as qualifiers for regional, then national showdowns. they’ll all culminate once every 4 years in an international competition known as the “hustler olympics.” only the finest hustlers representing each nation around the globe will descend upon a festering slum known worldwide for poverty and violence, where they’ll spend 14 days hustling people into numbness and oblivion. it’s greatest new bloodsport.
patent pending!
Who doesn’t own both metric and Imperial sockets? You people are unprepared. UNPREPARED, I TELL YOU!1!1one!
@17
We like your puns, Floozy. But we also like for our POS limey-made engines to function.
@20
about every five years i dump whatever shitty brit vehicle i have, and throw out all my SAE, swearing ‘never again’. a year later driving a honda and dating sensibly, i realize men were meant to play with and nurture old unreliable autos and young faithless women. brit auto = greater likelihood of access to nubile floozies. SAE wrenches = greater likelihood of functioning brit autos.
@Post
i just found out what a Sicilian Necktie is. Yuck. Our local druglords and gangsters and murderers are so dull, unoriginal. Stabbing. Gunshot. Vehicular manslaughter. Ho-Hummmm. No testes severed and shoved in mouth, no Death of a Thousand Cuts, sleeps with the fishes, etc etc etc. Same thing i was saying about UVA pranking–we need some ‘fresh blood’, new ideas. Could we brainstorm a bit and perhaps submit a proposal or memo or mission-statement to the new Kingpin when she/he assumes the mantle of power?
@21
or Columbian Necktie.
@19
don’t worry Stanley, i’m building a reasonable collection. i’ve acquired a beaten-to-hell red Craftsman roller and have adorned it with racing stickers and filled it with what tools i do have and it’s come in handy during the resurrection of the Ghetto King Kamry. SAE will fit Metric if you try hard enough…and are close enough on size. it’s surprising, however, how many of the bolts and nuts on the GKK are SAE anyway.