Ah the mysterious female orgasm. So elusive and desired by all males and hopefully all females. The reality is a lot of women fake it (apparently 70%), or have never had a real orgasm. (very sad I know).
Here are some interesting tid bits of information:
50% of Taiwanese women fake their orgasm to please their man’s ego (no discussion of male size however…)
Eliana Cohen gives us a couple reasons why women fake it (she says 99% of women fake it):
1.) a woman needs to feel close and really trust her partner in order to be that vulnerable. (So unless you are doing it the first time after your engagement or marriage or a truly romantic evening you’ve been planning for months, she probably faked it.)
2.) she’s tired. She just wants it over with.
3.) She wasn’t in the mood to begin with, but wanted to go along to keep you from feeling rejected or angry. What she really wanted was a back rub, a foot rub, and a sleeping pill.
4.) You don’t turn her own. She takes one look at that beer gut, or the smell you failed to wash off after the yard work, or your breath that has been becoming more funky by the hour She doesn’t want
to hurt your feelings, because she loves you, so she just tries to get through it as quickly as possible.5.) She’s mad at you. but not mad enough to tell you about it. So she will just go through the motion while cussing you in her mind and smiling about how you are such an idiot you can’t tell the difference.
6.) She has tried over and over to tell you to slow down or how she likes it, but you think you have such great equipment it will work regardless of how you use it, so you just ignore her hints.
7.) She’s afraid she’s taking too long and she thinks you’re getting tired, so she fakes it so you can think you’ve done your job and stop working at it.
Of course the scientists have to throw in their two cents. Here are two scientific explanations for the female orgasm:
Its genetic: “A woman’s genetic make-up accounts for at least a third of her ability to climax during sex, say researchers, and may even account for as much as 60%.”
The way she walks: “The findings of the study showed that qualified sexologists were able to distinguish a woman, who is capable of achieving orgasm through vaginal penetration simply by watching over the way she walks in four out of five instances. It was discovered that vaginally orgasmic women have greater sum of step length and vertebral rotation.”
So all those mind blowing multiple orgasms you give your woman could be all in your head, literally.
[pic from tehusagent on flickr]
Related posts:
- New Face of Evil!
- Are You American Enough Part II: Deportation Results
- Once upon a “Try this and Report Back” fairy-tale
i excite for the google ads that will run with this one.
I’m too sweet and innocent to comment further on this.
@1 A Microfinance Empowers ad…does that go hand in hand with the argument that women aren’t turned on by poor people?
…in other news, Marvin Gaye’s “Let’s Get it On” is free on AmazonMP3.com today.
“Let’s Get it On,” by Marvin Gaye
carlos mencia on the female orgasm:
Female Orgasm – Watch more
This is pathetic. What are we, Cosmo? I mcquit.
don’t be bashful if you are part of the 75% of women that cant have an easy o. this is a cathartic post, get it all out.
ps: you know you want to comment, dont fight it
pps: we are the bastard children of cosmo and gawker…the truth comes out
question for all the retarded men looking at this: why are you voting? its for women.
ass
1) This topic is a purient festival of fail. Want to know about drugs and sex? Go out and do drugs and have sex, and then you will have some stories of your own to share.
2) Carlos Mencia is a no talent thief. You only know his name because fame freaked Chapelle out and a “minority comedy special” slot opened up. Problem is his real name is Ned Arnel and he is half German. Ah well.
Good job Vanillavy. You found a study to support your sexual experiences. Now here’s one that supports mine via The Daily Beast http://www.thedailybeast.com/blogs-and-stories/2009-02-09/the-orgasm-gap/
“New academic research conducted by England and others is shedding light on one of the world’s most familiar bedroom problems. In a study to be published later this year by W.W. Norton in the book Families as They Really Are . . . Their research confirms that the orgasm gap is widespread among young people in both casual hookups and relationships. Surveying 12,925 undergraduates from 17 universities, researchers examined four sexual contexts—a first hookup, one to two previous hookups, three or more previous hookups, and a relationship—and found that in all cases, men were twice as likely to orgasm. That gap is far wider in hookup situations than in relationships. In the context of relationships, WOMEN ORGASM ABOUT 80% AS OFTEN AS MEN” Emphasis added is mine — b/c in contrast with Vanillavy’s study that’s really not that big a gap.
ooh thats a good bit of research to add.
One meets a great many women in this town who have
never in their lives engaged in intercourse while sober,
particularly university students and recent grads.
not sure what that has to do with this, other than that it describes many hookup situations.
does alcohol contribute to or detract from the likelihood of attaining to their goal,
or is it by-individual or a question-of-amount?
photo: good housekeeping is important, but there exist tools (stick with feathers)
that work just as well as a woman’s hair for dusting venetian blinds. Does the in-breathing
of airborne irritants reduce the likelihood of female orgasm? Perhaps she should SWIFFER?
could it be there is a big difference in orgasm potential in young women, perhaps 18-24, vs older women? can’t find the age group that the 25/75% split belongs to.
fortunately i have had a mix of both easy and near impossible o’s. the best thing a woman can do is tell you if something isn’t working, which is the only way i knew.
@11 Observation by self and girlfriends: when drinking while playing pool, there is a window of opportunity between 3 and 6 beers where there is maximum chance of getting ball in pocket. After 6, we just give up and continue drinking.
/when there is chemistry, there is no need for any other stimulants…
so what you are all saying is that my effort to switch the focus of the thread from insignificant
panty-party chatter about female interior irrelevancies, to more important things like female exterior significances of getting the house-work done, is FAIL ?
Simona’s quote says the study was done with college students only.
What if all my mind-blowing orgasms are real, Vanillanavy? I don’t like the tone of your whole article. Female orgasms aren’t “mysterious” and faked orgasms are not some epidemic that should cause people to look askance at their partners. The answer to the orgasm gap is simple: lick my neck, my back, my pussy AND my crack. CLIT. CLIT. CLIT. CLIT.
Shebananagans: I should’ve predicted you’d mcquit. Pretty girls always run away when the sex talk turns real. Perhaps because their prettiness hasn’t gotten them the orgasms that Cosmo promised them?
b-YO: that’s how people get STI’s and drug addictions. So no…you don’t have to put your hand on the stove to know it’s hot. You can use the brain god gave you. And make your little brother do it.
feeling a little queasy now.
@15 Pretty girls always run away when the sex talk turns real. Not quite. Some of us just prefer to choose the time and place to talk about certain things. I agree with shen, this isn’t Cosmo.
Not a prude, not even remotely close but still have some modesty.
i’m terribly ugly and also run away when sex talk turns real.
also i like prudes, i don’t know why everyone is always making a point to say they’re NOT one.
/just for the record.
@11 there was an article in the cav daily at the beginning of the year about how it’s impossible to have consensual sex with a drunk person, bc they can’t consent, so it’s rape. that’s ridiculous.
@18 i am one. i think i actually said last night, “i am a prude.”
CLIT
@18
sorry i meant prunes.
@17 She-Ra-nigans knows I’m just goading her to get her to not mcquit. Like the lonely drill sergeant, Uva LaGrape breaks you down to build you up.
@17 Um, no this isn’t Cosmo. This IS in fact the place to talk about such things. It’s a blog. The topic is orgasms. We’re all anonymous. *shrug* We can’t post in Cosmo magazine. CLIT.
if we can’t talk about sex anonymously then when can we?
/fears end of the world is near….
I agree, the tone of this article is blech. The hints about why she might be are pointless whereas the first linked article http://www.thebachelorguy.com/7-tips-to-make-sure-she-wont-fake-it-with-you.html offered surprisingly good advice.
the BachelorGuy article and the OrgasmGap article are great, but reading men’s comments on them is utterly surprising. I didn’t know men could be so resistant to giving women orgasms, even when they’re asked for it in a form as passive as an internet article.
@4 very funny, but the clit don’t move, son. It’s in the same place every time, waiting for you to pull back her hoodie and kiss her forehead.
There is no mystery. If a woman has the courage and the lust to initiate oral sex with you, then it is your duty and your fuckin’ pleasure to reciprocate it. If you like to go to sleep after you cum, then give her some orgasms first and you go second.
More solving of all mysteries:
So dudes, here’s what’s up. If you’re in a hookup and she goes down on you, then go down on her. Plain and simple. Or, just as good, finger the bean (clitoris). Fingerbanging (the clitoris) is a great reciprocation. Or try both. Listen to her verbal cues and watch her for nonverbal cues to determine which she prefers. Be proactive: if you go down on her first, the blowjob/handjob you receive will be better.
@26 i don’t consider vanillanavy’s post a beg, but rather an awesome opportunity to learn about orgasms
more nuanced and detailed look at the topic – http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/25/magazine/25desire-t.html?_r=1&em – science and logic are explained in depth – findings on women’s orgasms not always straightforward or easily understood.
Beg me for comments. Fine. But don’t pull some questionable studies out to justify condescendingly asserting that only 25% of women are capable of having an orgasm, most of them fake it when they don’t, but wait it’s actually 99% faking it due to genetics and walking style.
The clitoris has 8000 nerve endings, the entire male genitalia has 6000. It’s not that hard if you’re willing to try, but there’s also a component for a woman of desire, chemistry, freedom from mental/cultural BS that can’t be forced.
Tell her if you find her beautiful, figure out what she likes, do it. Tips for a great Valentine’s Day.
@30 NYTimes doesn’t let you read their articles unless you’re a member of their website
i think this post is more about male anxiety than anything else.
which is okay, you know, just sayin.
I wish I knew what it was about, but cocoNUT said I couldn’t participate, then called me an ass.
you sound anxious, mr. yo.
@37 I’m not calling you out, baby! I’m just asking because that’s what the topic is about. It’s good to ask this question here because cVillain is chock full of hippie liberal men, and I wanna find out if hippie liberal men come and go as often as “frat boys” or “club douches” or “macho men.”
Personally, my experience is different from other women’s. I always get my nut because I verbally and enthusiastically ask for it. But not everyone’s the same way. And upon review of histoerius sexuaelis, I wonder if cunnilingus wasn’t such my foregone conclusion, would the men I’ve been with been as “bout it bout it”? Were they doing it automatically, or was it only cuz I invited them with my signature I’m-gonna-use-your-hand-to-rub-my-pussy move?
I’m neither a hippie, liberal, a frat boy, a cub douche, nor a macho man.
What kind of guy does that make me?
@30 and 33. The New York Times article should be read by all, men and women alike. It is an interesting piece challenging our traditional way of perceiving female sexuality.
http://www.halengroup.com/whatwomenwants.pdf
We need to stop applying the male sexuality to our own, that is where the train went off the tracks in the first place. Maybe if got strangeld in a burka or cut off with our clit.
It really irks me when a woman get breast implants and say it is to make herself feel sexier, when all she accomplishes is to (perhaps) be more desirerable, which she could obtain in tenfold if she was loving her own body and not trying to fullfill a male fantasy, but her own instead.
Women don’t even get turned on many times, many women don’t know what turns them on. I can say that letting go of the desire to “please” the man it a step in the right direction. Demand that he makes you cum before he even gets to take his clothes off, and ditch the guy who doesn’t want to lick you. Any man that is not into pleasing you and worshipping you is not worth it (A guy who wan’t a “girl” has a serious insecurity)problem. Men are programmed to desire you, and you are programmed to enjoy being desired. That doesn’t mean you can’t take care of him, but he takes far more pleasure in pleasuring you than the other way around.
UVA: Clit is great, -stimulating the prostate gland (skenes in women I believe) from 1″-1.5″ in the anus is just as powerful for many women as direct clitoris stimulation in getting to orgasm.
@40 nice dodge. now answer my question. =)
sorry, I meant “@39 perma4″. TwoOfFour, you are freakin’ awesome
@42 right back at ya
Hey I just read the Bachelor Guy article, That is just plain old sad, one guy suggested that the “girl” in the scenario is the kind of chick that just let’s her boyfriend use her body to masturbate with. Sad, but likely a pretty common scenario (Woman “Donna” Sexpert refers to the subject as the “girl”!!) Don’t men want to have sex with Women?
Very interesting responses from the readers though. Jack D and AroundTheBlock, YAY men that get it.
ps Biggest turn off, the guy who wants to communicate in the sack (totally contrary to Bachelor article) We want you to be out of control -a little bit, like we just drove you to the edge of your sanity with our sexiness, -be an animal.
I was surprised that so many women have not ever had an orgasm. But it is so true. A woman usually needs that emotional intimacy to have wonderful orgasmic love making.
let’s not go too far two four. let’s not get too specific. Some women (like me) don’t care if you communicate in the sack. I want to connect with my partner, and sometimes that means listening to them talk. So, let’s have a united set of news to carry to all the young dudes: Play with the CLIT. We’ll figure out specifics after you hit the magic button with your tongue or fingers.
rhdhdndrn: let’s not be too hasty about what a woman “usually” needs. A woman doesn’t need “emotional intimacy” to masturbate solo, so let’s not go too far about what she needs to orgasm with another person. The study showed that what women need most is men to at least TRY to touch our CLITS. You can’t have emotional intimacy if men aren’t even willing to give you CLITORAL intimacy. It is up to men to close the gap. According to this british study, women are already reaching waaaay out from our side of the canyon by offering all these unreciprocated blowjobs and handjobs. Men must reach now. If you’re a man, pledge it now:
On my honor
I will do my best
To do my duty
To please that booty
Not by anal
Nor motions vajaynal
But by pleasing Princess Clit
With tongue, lips or digit.
@45 I am not talking about my personal take, this is specifically in reference to the article from the NYT. I was surprised too.
this doesn’t sound half bad:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Venus_Butterfly
Uh another version:
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=venus+butterfly
Lilith would never have allowed this.
@46 there are many other ways to gasm. Whilst mining the internets for techniques “o’ the-love” I struck GOLD, Hands down (Pun Intended) THE best posted non-clit method. This was posted in 2002 and has grown to a 114 pages of awesomeness. I’d love to hear the first report from a cvillains who tries this IRL.
Click My Name for the Linkypoo
Oh will you please please SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY.
@52 WTF? No one’s making you check this site or this post. Get a life.
We love Simona
Oh yes we do
We don’t love anyone
As much as you
When you’re not with us, we’re blue!
Simona we love you!
204’s links are made of WIN
I know I just was looking up Cosmo and Tricia Nixon’s makeup tips, but curiously it landed me here. Damn this town and its ability to be relevant in 1974.
Off to find out “how to marry the man of my dreams” and then “what really turns him on”
Looking forward to the new issue of Tiger Beat.
LaGrape, I am blushing.
@56 Snark snark snark, snark snark snark (snark snark snark snark!) snark snark snark.
@14 No FAIL IMO – “panty party” comment was right on.
@56 Touche’.
Surely cvillain can do better than this.
@56: Next week there’s gonna be a post called, “How to know if he’s just not that into you!” or some other such bullshit. I can’t hardly wait!
I’m working on a post titled, ” Sex while texting- will he notice and do you care?”
Talk about travelling back to 1956 where the womans orgasm is not interesting nor necessary, not even to women. You may not want to discuss this subject or even belittle it, fine, but ignoring the subject is what scewed us (pun intended) in the first place. This is not comparable to Cosmo (pre femlib style) about how the submissive girl pleases her Man, this is the excact opposite.
But go ahead, you keep you heads steadily anchored in the ground “girls” and we can all go back to pleasing our Men.
/Women who want to pursue orgasms raise your hands!
Women who want to pursue orgasms raise your hands!
Would “put your hands down” be more appropriate? Just sayin.
Jeepers, what’s with all this “Ooh, don’t talk about the icky girl parts!” stuff? I’m kind of surprised by that– it is 2009 after all. I remember people reacting this way 30 years ago, but had thought we’d moved forward a bit.
Someone posts about bowel movements, and that’s dandy. Someone else starts a post about female anatomy and people run screaming for the exits. (Feces=gud, Vajayjay=evil?) Repeated references to giving and receiving blowjobs are acceptable, but oral sex when the recipient is female is gross?
You guys are great, but why aren’t ALL of the above topics okay to discuss? No snark meant, just asking a question.
It wasn’t “OMG don’t talk about girl stuff”, it was more like “I don’t want to participate in another stupid post of Vanillavy’s”.
@64 & that’s kinda lulu’s point. why is vanillavy’s post on orgasms (or even the ones on “omg do you do drugs?”) less valid (more “stupid”) than yours on poo?
Mine was funny and his are lame and begging for comments.
The fact that some of you took his bait is pretty sad.
“funny” is subjective.
I remember people reacting this way 30 years ago, but had thought we’d moved forward a bit.
I thought we had not only moved forward, but way way past this nonsense, which is why I felt this topic merited the fail label.
post about female anatomy and people run screaming for the exits
More like yawning to the exits. Seriously.
but oral sex when the recipient is female is gross
And who said this? No one. This strikes me as merely the passive aggressive version of LaGrape’s impassioned grrrl power clit wharrgarble. I am sympathetic to the cause, but the tone of this particular topic is couched in cosmo-y purility… “So elusive and desired by all males and hopefully all females… ” I mean come on, who thinks (let alone writes) like that? And the reader poll just put it over the top.
Male or female, if you aren’t getting off in this internet age of information and elucidation, its on you. There just as many women as men who are shitty lovers, its a human condition. Vaginas are no more mysterious than penises. If your lover doesn’t do it for you, work it out, compromise that part of your life, or move the fuck on. If you cant do it for yourself, then I dont know what to say. Its not fucking rocket science.
Sex is supposed to be fun, however whomever is having it consensually define it. All the analysis and politics and gender feuds and plotting and statistics kind of fuck that simple fact up. At least for me. Jesus.
/men are from mars, and women from venus, now put down that book, and take up my penis...
@69 – please, BYo, start a church, I beg of you.
I remember people reacting this way 30 years ago, but had thought we’d moved forward a bit.
How exactly do you define progress then in this context? By the fact that we live in a society in which twelve-year-olds have a line of cuty and flirty thongs marketed to them? That there are now padded training bras? That Bratz dolls have replaced Barbie as the plast-ideal standard (not that Barbie was a paragon of the promotion of self-confidence or reality)? That fifteen and sixteen year old girls try to get pregnant so they’ll feel loved?
Trust me, all for the sex. I love it. But that’s about all I’ll say about it because it’s not something that needs to be talked about, especially in detail. Anyone who needs to talk about it like this post is in need of not just physical attention but apparently emotional attention.
@69 No humor lost on the apt posting number.
@ 70 I concur. Maybe not a church but definitely needs to don some flowy robes, grow his beard out and become the apostle of all that is common sense and wit.
@71 ¶ 3: it’s people who aren’t talking about sex who are getting pregnant at 15, i.e., christians.
@68: Sorry you didn’t find it amusing. Surprisingly, it was one of the most popular posts EVAR so lots of other people on here must have found it funny.
I love flowy robes, and I can grow a full gandalf with enough time. Is there a hiring freeze on faux dogmatic hyper neurotic megalomaniacs?
/better watch your ass, brother charles.
@69 B Yo, I actually agree with you 100%. Any variety of the touchy-feely sort of sexual empowerment nonsense makes me want to hurl. I was specifically ignoring that part of the post because it made my head hurt.
I was speaking specifically to some folks getting all prudish and skeeved out by the girl-plumbing chatter. Have seen this attitude exhibited in RL too. When sex is discussed within a group, no matter how bluntly, every time it gets around to the female anatomy people tend to get noticeably uncomfortable. Much more so with Americans, and less so among Europeans. I find that interesting. I also found it interesting that someone posted @52 saying “Oh will you please please SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY.” That statement infers that someone wants others to stop discussing the topic. I simply wonder why that is. ( I also kinda fucking hate it when people say that other people shouldn’t be allowed to discuss something.)
Seriously, not trying to make too much out of this. Am just curious why people seem more uncomfortable about frank talk regarding orgasms, than, say, a steaming dump somebody took. Me? I’m actually pretty darned prudish in public, kinkier than a cheap garden hose in private, so you won’t see me talking about the intimate details of my sex life on a forum. But if anyone else wants to talk about theirs– male or female– that’s cool. Ditto for the topic of pooping.
Heart, nothing about the feminist movement 30 years ago was intended to create Tweener prostitutes, nor did it. This post is a discussion between consenting adults about sex. (But if any kids are reading this: Get off my god-damned lawn. I’m not gonna tell ya again.) The post exists for those who wish to discuss it, and nobody is holding a loaded gun to anyone’s head to read or or respond to same. I promise you, talking openly about sex does not mean someone is needy or desperate, though my Puritan ancestors would certainly agree with you there. However, the sexualization of children is an entirely different and extremely important matter, and definitely warrants a post of its own.
Shen, I have no idea who or what a Vanillavy is, so I don’t discriminate against posts based on the poster’s name. I honestly didn’t realize your objection was based on that.
It’s cool if y’all wanna get orgasmic about orgasms, I just thought the tone of this poster’s post was pretty patronizing and the topic pretty hackneyed.
@ 64 then what was so hard about simply ignoring this post and moving on? Seriously.
also, popular doesn’t always equal funny. Some people might just like talking [about] shit.
/hackneyed? Hello pot…
@69 etc: The lady doth protest too much, methinks
@78: Hello troll
Look it’s very simple advice and not trollish at all. If you don’t like the post bugger off and don’t keep checking on it to tell people who are discussing it that you don’t like them discussing it b/c you think its a lame post. It’s obnoxious.
@81: You disagreed with ‘nanigans, so you must be a troll.
@81: Actually, that person is a troll bc they only chime in to say shit to me. I will reply to a post if people are asking me questions, so you my friend can go bugger off. And by bugger off I mean go fuck yourself.
You’re a bit of a bully aren’t you? You can’t stand people other than your personal friends commenting on this site, and it annoys you that a thread you all didn’t approve of was popular. Not to mention you’re jealous because La Grape likes me
@84 Oh like I haven’t heard that bullshit before. Sister please. I wasn’t the only one who thought this post was awful. But yes, I am jealous that Uva likes you. She used to be my bitch. She still sends me messages on FB.
Ha ha, you’re also a good sport.
That’s because of all the orgasms I had last night.
Brilliant & carry-on
No it was a strap-on.
Fucking hell, Shen’s on OT
g/DAMN! ……but I’m laughing anyway
Put away your swords!
Why are you obsessed with fighting?
Simona and Shentainigans: you DO realize that you’re on the same side? Neither of you likes the tone of the *original* post. Most of the comments, including both of yours, are in disagreement with it. Shentai is not against orgasms, she’s against the argument-provoking, fashion-magazine style of writing that makes statements such as “70% of women fake their orgasms!” When, in fact, the study linked implies a more reasonable conclusion: that 70% of women HAVE faked an orgasm in their lifetimes. Which means that if you did it once when you were 16, but haven’t done it since and you’re now 56, your personal stat might be “1 in 5000 of my orgasms have been faked.”
Now let’s have a menage-a-twat and make up.
@92: OMG you totally get me Grapey. Hold me.
No, shen, you hold ME. I wanna be the Birthday Girl in this threesome.
I think the answer to this post is: “Women should all become lesbians”.
Wait, what?
Good..Good Sapphonigans! I can feeeeel your hunger. I am defenseless. Grab my clit! Lick it down with all your lust and your journey towards the Dyke Side will be complete!
Girl on girl thread- not bad for a cold Wednesday morning
I’m in.
I’m out.
I’ll be having an electronic disco orgasm this evening at ass cafe. Come on down. Ahem.
/testing upcoming music for: A new porn cd, Pornographique; as well as Poptarts III: Toasted Fantasy. Yay!
Booo! To comfort myself I’m going to Derriere de Soie, Flirt and Victoria’s Secret to get a personal bra fitting.
yeah!
Men vs Vibes
In my straighter days, I was pretty well-known for being quite good at eating “it” like a fucking prizefighter. An ex of mine would get so bashful after she came down from what was always a rather *wet* orgasm, because my face would be soaked and I could barely see. I can happily say that, while it’s not really my thing these days, I never had to worry about a partner “faking it”.
So, yeah.
Good work, philbert…I proud of a man who knows how to do it right, so many sadly don’t
teach them, Uva Ladouche. Teach them
It’s pretty fun to do. Fuck why not. May as well do it right if you’re down there.
@107, I have, but I find that men are very unreceptive to ”constructive criticism” down there. Men, stop being so stubborn and just listen to us, we’re doing it for your benefit, too! The harder you make us cum, the harder we’ll make you cum.
Perhaps you should change your name to uva I-douche.
Douching makees me think of that RepHresh…”RepHresh after douching!” Barf