So maybe you don’t want to break hearts. Maybe you know a special someone that meets all your criteria for “Mr. or Ms. Right (for now)” and are ready to enter coupledom. Congratulations! While I personally think you’re a sucka, I don’t begrudge your efforts to conform to societal standards. Chant with me: “Monogamy gooooooooood. Bearcat baaaaaaaad.”

Go ahead and play UvaLaGrape’s sexy game of “20 Questions” and hope that no one on the internet lies…maybe you’ll weed out the baddies, but as is true for society in general, some skeezeballs will always slip through the cracks.

So please, be wary of those little hints of crazy in your new shmoopykins – the longer you ignore “red flags” (those actions that make you think “WTF – I heart you, but you can’t be serious”), the more likely you are to get burned in the end. »Read More

What little promise we had of winter has faded, and cherry blossoms are bursting through the dull branches that line the streets of our humble ‘ville; yet it’s still not warm enough to leave the safety of indoors completely, so why not take shelter in a familiar pub with a familiar drink? And while you’re there, why not take in what is arguably a standby Charlottesville tradition?

Barhoppers, produced by Offstage Theatre, has been taking over local watering holes for roughly over twenty years. The format is simple: all plays take place in a bar and are written, directed, and acted out by locals, and best of all, performed in a bar (Miller’s and Rapture this year).

The plays are short (5-10 minutes each) and easily digestible, so you don’t need to be a theatre buff to be entertained. This year’s lineup is no exception: Barhoppers 2009 features revelry from foul-mouthed sots, fetishist phlebotomists, and as always, beleaguered bartenders. Between each play, desperate singles offer bizarre monologues based on real classified ads from local alternative weeklies.

There are a few exceptionally well-written and acted plays this year that demand special attention. »Read More

Like many people, I like to go out on the weekends and have a drink or two with friends. I understand that being at a bar and female leads some to believe that I am available and eager to satiate wild fantasies (go ahead with your bearcat’s-a-crazy-slut comment)…but this is simply not the case. The other weekend, I was propositioned to join a foursome. I politely declined.

 After sharing what I thought was a rare occurrence with a few friends (okay, it was more like an involved play-by-play reenactment), I found out that I wasn’t the only one who’s been propositioned for a foursome in this town. I certainly don’t judge anyone who engages in, or is desirous to engage in such exploits, but I’m still confused about the logistics and emotional and (possible) social fallout. I guess I can understand threesomes…but a foursome? Is there swapping, or is it more like an every-man and woman-for themselves?

So what is the deal with foursomes in cville?

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 [Pic from Bailoo]

Writing about how to destroy a person’s emotions is cathartic; like vomiting bile into a word processing program, adding a few metaphors and then hitting “post.” But after all the constructive criticism and sage advice I received from the ‘villains, I almost gave up on this third and final installment. (See the reponse to Part 1 and Part 2.) Maybe people shouldn’t focus on hurting others…maybe they should just worry about their own personal health and happiness and simply wait for true love to descend from above (or below or from wherever you believe it should come). »Read More

I thought it would be fun to play a Mad Lib-like game with some of the comments on Cvillain. Here is an example.

From echo re How to win a man…P2:

I think it could be fun to ______ [verb] your “_____” [noun]. ____ [Noun] would ultimately end up ______ [gerund] on you because I don’t think you could _____ [verb] on a weekend without me _____ [present participle] about it. Unless you go to _____ [location in Charlottesville], in which case you aren’t _____ [adjective] enough for me to be _____ [adjective].

Your turn! Find more quotes, delete selected parts of speech and repost for MADvillain fun!

So how was everyone’s weekend? Did you all identify suitable targets?

I spent the weekend meditating on how to best convey my thoughts on “sealing the deal” with the target. In this context, sealing the deal means getting a solid grip on his heartstrings without having to go near his crotch. (Sorry, playas!) While mutilating effigies of ex-boyfriends and screaming the lyrics to all my favorite Tori Amos tunes, I realized how wickedly simple it all is: prove yourself desirable and then unattainable. You have already established yourself as a good thing in his otherwise pathetic life by using the Classical Conditioning techniques discussed in Part 1. Now your task is to play “keep away.” This is where the fun really begins.

I can offer a few techniques for strategic avoidance (I say strategic because you can’t avoid the target completely, otherwise he might actually realize that you aren’t interested and move on), but I encourage you to get those creative juices flowing and find other fun ways to make yourself unavailable. Play this keep-away game Monday-Wednesday. »Read More

I am not an evil person. Unfortunately, my raging libido and endless amounts of free time lead me to mischief, and in my mischief, I have to admit that I’ve broken a few hearts. The fact that I am usually fully aware of my actions in any given moment does make me sound pretty evil, but I don’t necessarily enjoy breaking hearts: it’s like a sneeze. I know when I’m going to do it, but I can’t stop myself.

I will now share my personal strategy for breaking hearts. Whether this provides adequate warning for the poor, innocent lover boys of Charlottesville or further entices womenfolk to act as shameful as I is not for this self-proclaimed harlot to decide. Plus, if I’m going to hell, I might as well take a few of you with me.

Part I: How to Begin

Equipment needed:

1. Vulnerable target

2. Good sense of humor

3. Facebook account

»Read More

Hello, Cvillains.

My name is Bearcat, and I’ve come to crash your party. My ultimate goal, other than drinking your beer and stealing your boyfriends, is to share my observations about life in Charlottesville with this most honorable online community.

My observations will be unique in that 1. I am a classy southern lady, 2. I have never seen Dave Matthews in person and 3. I am lactose intolerant. I hope that didn’t make your heads explode.

Love,

Bearcat

[pic from fuzzy gerdes]