Craig had a great idea the other day, about creating short bio’s for all of our writers. He pointed out that when it was just Thor and Lilith you pretty much knew what you were getting, but nowadays you really have no idea who or what lies behind the name. Is cocoNUT really the foodie he claims to be, or is he in fact salting your fries at McDonald’s? Or both? How about Gobbler and Stanley? Are they and I really enemies, or do we manufacture the drama and insults just to milk pageviews? (A: we are mortal enemies).

Some authors like it anonymous (which is fine, welcome to the internet, etc) but I’m going to submit a request: If you consider yourself a writer for this site and would like to have a bio (fake or otherwise), then send me something and we’ll build a page for author info. Try to keep it to about 75-100 words (American), and go crazy. Make it as serious or as ridiculous as you want. Now you can finally tell your mom that you’re famous!

mailto: parliecvl [at] gmail [dot] internet

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I absolutely just heard 10-15 gunshots coming from near the corner of Ridge and Elliott. It could not have been anything other than a clip unloading. Does anybody live nearby that heard or saw anything? Or would like to step forward and confess? Not everybody at once, there’s plenty of internet to go around, just tell me why I have to listen to fucking gunshots every night.

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[from Daily Progress]

Oh my God, you guys, they found it. Remember the hot dog mascot that went missing from Earlysville’s All Good Groceries back in April? I don’t either. But everybody else does! The good news, really, is that it has been recovered. And not a moment too soon, it’s almost lunchtime. Let’s all celebrate by going to Hamdinger’s for my 4th time this week.

[photo: Megan Lovett, DP]

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Today really feels like it should have come with a sarcastic greeting card. You know? Like, “Good morning, I’m here to pee in your cornflakes,” or “Hello, and welcome to your penance for this weekend,” or even, “Dear parlie, instead of sending you to hell I’ve decided to trap you in an eternal rainy Monday morning. Love, God.”

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I ordered a replacement keyboard for work, because I put coffee in my old one and it stopped doing its job. Made it hard for me to do mine. So I ordered from Apple (“Apple recognizes its responsibility as a global citizen”) a brand new keyboard. So today when I got back from lunch, I received this box:

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this night last year, in the hours following the massacre at VT, i couldn’t sleep so i stayed up all night listening to the wind (remember the wind?) and writing. most of what came out was awful, but i wanted to share an excerpt, because i think the tragedy bears remembering.

after the jump…

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Sometimes at the gym I look around and think “what in the world are all you people doing here?” Most of the time I realize that I’m being a shit, and that not only do they have every right, but probably more of a need than I, to be there. So I ignore their fupa sweat and their tight ball shorts, and I go about my way. Not counting the initial 2-3 month shock of transferring to real gym (in the real world (with real people)) after 5 years of fake college gym-people, this system has worked relatively well for me.

Until tonight.

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I just heard a rumor that chunks of concrete from the demolition of the site at 2nd and Water actually flew over the fence and hit the wall right next to the sidewalk. Supposedly there are witnesses, but no evidence as somebody came and cleaned up right away. Did anybody see or hear anything?

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Polite society, which claims to have raised me, is aghast. I came home last night after being told that I had done something offensive, and I found this in my RSS. It is fantastic:

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I often use Sunday evening to catch up on news and acquaint myself with the ridiculous crap that the internet churned up over the prior week. I prefer brilliant prose, deep & measured news reporting, irreverent sarcasm, and every now and then, an enlightening video. This one caught my eye from Existential Punk, a blog in the Richmond network: it’s a teaser video that links back to a 20-minute feature on the cycle of product creation, consumption, and disposal. The creator, Annie Leonard, does a really good job explaining in simple terms where we get all the junk we consume [link to video, approx 20min], and how it runs through the system from harvest to trash. Some alarming facts: »Read More

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