I saw this blog post on the myspaces and it is whack. It’s entitled “Kissing Meateaters” and it gets more and more ridiculous the more you read. I love the chick who says her boyfriend gets the “hand block”if he so much as even touches ketchup. I’m veg but I seriously would not be freaked out kissing a carnivore. I mean, I’m not jamming my tongue down his throat and tasting his dinner or anything. It’s funny how preachy and full of it some of these extreme veg people are. Please note the chick whose hubby can’t be veg because he’s in the military and the crazy guy who starts screaming that meat-eaters are Nazis. Guess he’s never heard of the Godwin law.

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I’m not ashamed to say that I pop by Reid’s on the way home from work once in a while. Yeah, it’s small and a little ghetto but it’s got its charms. The bagboy smiles and nods at you when you go in. They have really cheap wine. And the giant condiment aisle always makes me giggle.  One of these days, I’m gonna buy one of those 10 gallon cans of Mayonnaise. And wrestle in it or something. Wait, ew, that’s disgusting. Nevermind.

Anyways, I know it’s not the “cool” place to go like Teeter but it’s closer and there’s better parking. There’s also the opportunity to assist your fellow man (or woman)… »Read More

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Hope you all had a great holiday weekend and went to some fun parties. I was invited to an early morning fiesta involving drinking mimosas and watching the local parade pass by. Me and the bf headed to Scottsville in his vintage ‘77 Chevy Montecarlo that morning, ready to get our patriotic drink on. We just barely made it into the town before the parade started and all the roads got closed off and so as we drifted down Main street, people were already camped out on either side of us. Then, in the middle of the parade path, the gigantic car abruptly died.

“Are you in the parade?” people shouted.

“Er, no the car just died.” we answered.

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You’re at work and that familiar feeling hits. Your bowels say, “Hey dude, it’s time for a little date with the toilet. Let’s go. NOW.” and you’re filled with a sense of dread.  You’ve probably got 1 of 2 crappy scenarios:

#1: The single bathroom.

This is the worst. You go in, you try to get to business and inevitably, someone’s gonna come knock knocking on the door. Which sucks because for some reason, your butt hears the knock and gets stage fright. Your butt’s like, “Dammit! Go away! I need to be alone with this toilet. Aghh!” And your #2 is henceforth ruined because you know you’re gonna walk out and your co-worker’s gonna go in and flap their hand in front of their face and say something douchey like, “Oh man! Somebody took a dump-a-rooni!” or else you just know they’re gonna walk in and know that you POOPED and judge you. And you’re mortified. Worst case scenario is when you walk out and that hot chick/dude you have your eye on is waiting. You want to die.
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[photo by Raman Pfaff]

Recently I was lucky enough to score an apartment downtown and was thrilled by the fact that I’d be able to walk to all the bars, get trashed and not have to drunk-drive home. The Mall was about to become my playground. Also, I bartend at a place downtown once a week, and was excited about being able to walk to and from my job.

Now, every weekend, late into the wee hours, I stumble from my establishment, buzzed from a lovely shift drink and find my way home, pocket full of cash from that night’s wonderful patrons. The Mall is empty and surreal, but it’s cool, it’s kinda magical, like if you were in Disneyland after everyone else went home. Sounds sweet right? »Read More

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So Monday is Memorial day and that’s sweet because that means a 3 day weekend for most. And it’s also the day the pools officially open for the summer. Everyone has BBQs at their house and people like me get trashed. But what really, is this holiday about? Wikipedia says it’s supposed to be for mourning those who died while serving in the military. We should definitely have a holiday for this. But what about family members who served in the military but died later on? My uncle Scott was in the Navy for years, just like my Dad, Mom, Grandmother, and Grandfather. He died last year.

He didn’t die while serving his country but was always über-patriotic with American flags on his bandannas, his T-shirts, his motorcycle, you name it. But he went out in the yard last November and shot himself in the head. My family gathered the week before last Thanksgiving and we buried him at Quantico after a short funeral with all the proper military ceremony, including a drawn-out ritual of folding and unfolding an American flag.

Uncle Scott may not have died while in service, but he was a US sailor and served his country. He was proud to be an American. So, come Monday, I won’t just be drinking and hanging out by the pool with friends. I will actually stop and think about what the holiday means and what it now means to me.

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Come to OXO After Dark’s first ever theme Dance Party: BONDAGE.

It’ll be flirty, sexy, and provocative – but nothing hardcore. Think pretend bondage. SWPL.

If you’ve been really good, you may win the $100 cash prize for best Fantasy Outfit. Tim’s not coming so you actually stand a chance.

If you’ve been really bad, you may be put into cage for a time out! You will get spanked by Shenanigans!

Dancing and Diversions, with your Mistresses and Masters dressed in Vinyl and Leather.

Friday, April 18

Doors open at 10:00, but VIPs and special friends (that’s you guys) are welcome at 9:00 for munchies and makeup help from a certified M.A.C. artist.

So, how daring are you? Prove it! Tickets only $15, available at the door.

If you comment on this article before 4PM today, you will be entered into a random drawing for TWO FREE TICKETS! Winners will be announced at 5PM. Tickets will be held at the door. One entry per person.

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I briefly dated a guy who was smart, sensitive, and sweet. The problem was he stretched the truth sometimes. Ok, a lot of times. It got to the point where I had to stop and analyze everything he said to me to try to figure out whether it was the truth or whether it was another one of his fantasies.

One fine day, he was all about heading up to Bellair market on Ivy Rd, grabbing two of their yummy samiches and heading off to what he called his “secret spot” for some summertime alonetime. I know, sounds romantic, right? Little did I know.

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I used to love me some craigslist.

The Best Of is some of the funniest stuff I’ve ever read. I also got an awesomely cheap couch from some chick off of there. It taught me the word “asshat”. And I can never resist peeking in Missed Connections to see if anyone saw me and posted their undying love for me. (That’s pathetic, I know.) Anyways, the local craigslist also has the requisite Rants and Raves section but it’s just awful.

The entire last week, the only thread of discussion is angry people posting about whores. C-ville women are “seething whores”, apparently. We all “suck ass”. And all the waitresses in town are whores and “closet drunks”. A total hate-fest. And that’s what you’re not missing right now. Now get off the internets and go to bed.

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This week: Undesirable customers

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I work at a local fine dining restaurant playing at being a late night bar. We’ve become so popular now that douchebags know about us. And by douchebags I mean: the kind of people that used to pack Rapture, 216 and Rivals. Apparently they heard about our free music and now flock to my bar. To my chagrin.

Saturday night most of my converstaions went like this:

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