I don’t know where all of you guys work, but I am stuck at a desk Monday through Friday, in front of a computer. Other people are also stuck at desks around me. We don’t have many of those dividing cubicle walls so there is definitely a lack of privacy and not much buffer between each worker. I sit next to a friend, so that’s not that bad, but I swear to gawd when she eats at her desk, it drives me f**king insane. She chews noisily, and loudly smacks her lips between each bite. Chomp chomp chomp. Smack smack smack. She grunts a little “Mmm!” here and there. She belches. She talks on the phone with her mouth full. Something about those little wet smacking noises MAKES ME WANT TO STRANGLE HER.

Anything your coworkers do that drives you absolutely batshit?

[pic from cell105]

Some of you have heard this story, some of you have not. I decided to share it here because it’s too hilarious not to. So here we go…names have been changed.

My friend “Lisa” works at a bar downtown. This bar has inside seating and a patio. Servers have to wait on tables in both sections, sometimes simultaneously. One milder night here in Cville a few weeks back, Lisa had some tables inside and a table outside. The customers at her outside table racked up a $150 tab and then to her dismay, left without paying while she was inside. Walked out on their tab is what we call it in the service industry.

The problem is, not only is Lisa out of about a $30 tip, her manager is threatening to make her pay the $150 tab unless she finds the people. Lisa can’t afford to lose $180 and cries as she finishes up at the end of the night.

While having a shift drink after work, Lisa confides in her coworkers and one of them knows the girl that was at the table and tells her the girl’s name and that she works at a local school. Wheels start to turn in Lisa’s head as she hatches a plan to contact the girl and the guy she was with at the table.

Lisa waits until Monday and calls the school to speak to the girlfriend of the guy who walked out on his tab. She gets a name and the fun begins.

First, Lisa goes onto Facebook. She changes her private profile pic from a demure head shot to two chicks on a bed in sexy dresses, asses on display and faces turned away. »Read More

Yesterday (and Today), December 1st is a day where we need to remember that people are still dying from AIDS, a disease that has killed 30 million people all over the world and is considered one of the greatest epidemics known to mankind.

How much do you know about AIDS? Take a quiz here to test your knowledge. I feel like AIDS today doesn’t seem like as big of a deal as it did to people in the 80’s and 90’s who were suddenly affronted with the terrifying new disease. AIDS might just seem like something that’s going on in Africa, but the fact is, the United States has the largest number of people living with HIV than any other industrialised nation in the world.

Have you or anyone you know been affected by HIV or AIDS?

When was the last time you were tested?

To donate to a local organisation that provides care for local people living with HIV and AIDS, click here:

http://www.aidsservices.org/

My siblings and I piled into the car yesterday for one more package of dinner rolls and a smoke break when the craziest thing happened. My stepbrother slowed to let an older black gentleman cross the parking lot and I heard him murmur something under his breath. Something that sounded like nigger. My little sister giggled and said, “I was thinking the same thing in my head!” to him as I stared at both of them in shock.

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It’s gonna be a niiiiiice weekend: sunny and about 75 degrees. No need to pack up the flip flops yet.

PREVIEW:

Echo will get trashed by 7:00 on Friday.

And here’s your horoscope for all the signs except Gemini:

You will die one day.

And for Gemini:

You will die twice as much.

Ok, J/K. Here’s some crap to do. Check out MUSE for what to listen to and STYLE for what to buy or wear:

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I saw this blog post on the myspaces and it is whack. It’s entitled “Kissing Meateaters” and it gets more and more ridiculous the more you read. I love the chick who says her boyfriend gets the “hand block”if he so much as even touches ketchup. I’m veg but I seriously would not be freaked out kissing a carnivore. I mean, I’m not jamming my tongue down his throat and tasting his dinner or anything. It’s funny how preachy and full of it some of these extreme veg people are. Please note the chick whose hubby can’t be veg because he’s in the military and the crazy guy who starts screaming that meat-eaters are Nazis. Guess he’s never heard of the Godwin law.

I’m not ashamed to say that I pop by Reid’s on the way home from work once in a while. Yeah, it’s small and a little ghetto but it’s got its charms. The bagboy smiles and nods at you when you go in. They have really cheap wine. And the giant condiment aisle always makes me giggle.  One of these days, I’m gonna buy one of those 10 gallon cans of Mayonnaise. And wrestle in it or something. Wait, ew, that’s disgusting. Nevermind.

Anyways, I know it’s not the “cool” place to go like Teeter but it’s closer and there’s better parking. There’s also the opportunity to assist your fellow man (or woman)… »Read More

Hope you all had a great holiday weekend and went to some fun parties. I was invited to an early morning fiesta involving drinking mimosas and watching the local parade pass by. Me and the bf headed to Scottsville in his vintage ‘77 Chevy Montecarlo that morning, ready to get our patriotic drink on. We just barely made it into the town before the parade started and all the roads got closed off and so as we drifted down Main street, people were already camped out on either side of us. Then, in the middle of the parade path, the gigantic car abruptly died.

“Are you in the parade?” people shouted.

“Er, no the car just died.” we answered.

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You’re at work and that familiar feeling hits. Your bowels say, “Hey dude, it’s time for a little date with the toilet. Let’s go. NOW.” and you’re filled with a sense of dread.  You’ve probably got 1 of 2 crappy scenarios:

#1: The single bathroom.

This is the worst. You go in, you try to get to business and inevitably, someone’s gonna come knock knocking on the door. Which sucks because for some reason, your butt hears the knock and gets stage fright. Your butt’s like, “Dammit! Go away! I need to be alone with this toilet. Aghh!” And your #2 is henceforth ruined because you know you’re gonna walk out and your co-worker’s gonna go in and flap their hand in front of their face and say something douchey like, “Oh man! Somebody took a dump-a-rooni!” or else you just know they’re gonna walk in and know that you POOPED and judge you. And you’re mortified. Worst case scenario is when you walk out and that hot chick/dude you have your eye on is waiting. You want to die.
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[photo by Raman Pfaff]

Recently I was lucky enough to score an apartment downtown and was thrilled by the fact that I’d be able to walk to all the bars, get trashed and not have to drunk-drive home. The Mall was about to become my playground. Also, I bartend at a place downtown once a week, and was excited about being able to walk to and from my job.

Now, every weekend, late into the wee hours, I stumble from my establishment, buzzed from a lovely shift drink and find my way home, pocket full of cash from that night’s wonderful patrons. The Mall is empty and surreal, but it’s cool, it’s kinda magical, like if you were in Disneyland after everyone else went home. Sounds sweet right? »Read More