When three birdies send in an the article, you know Scowly runs away from it, right?  The New York Times article by JOSHUA KURLANTZICK (yes, I’m calling you out for an EPIC FAIL) details “36 Hours in Charlottesville, VA.” Ok, so maybe you visited, but you still deserve an Epic Fail.

So Josh “goes around,” visits Blue Grass (see our Charlottesville Breakfast Battle) and visits UVa.  Ok, acceptable tourism.  Josh also does superhuman things like a 9AM hike of the Shenendoah Trail that gets him back to Charlottesville by 11Am.  Ok, maybe you are superhuman. But Josh, what about this visit to the mall?

3 p.m.
1) MALL RATS

Running through the center of Charlottesville, the pedestrian mall is lined with oak trees and packed with students kicking the Hacky Sack and talking philosophy over coffee. Start at the east end and take a long leg-stretcher along the mall. You’ll pass rows of restored brick buildings, street mimes and violinists, a central plaza for public art, and al fresco cafes that make the street seem more European than American — something the Europhile Jefferson would have appreciated. Reflecting the local cuisine fascination, the mall also has become a grand eating fest, with places proudly featuring Virginia ingredients. Stop in just off the main mall for a snack at Feast (416 West Main Street, Suite H; 434-244-7800; www.feastvirginia.com), an artisanal cheese shop, charcuterie and gourmet market that could easily be found in Paris.

Can we analyze your paragraph for bullshit?

1.  “packed with students kicking the Hacky Sack” – I rarely see students who pack the mall at 3pm.  I also wonder the last time I saw people both doing hacky sack and philosophy.

2.  “central plaza for public art” – Do you mean the street vendors 4/5ths of whom sell the exact same crap, that ugly-as-sin fountain, and the giant construction site?  Oh, ya that’s public art at its finest. Not.

3.  “just off the main mall for a snack at Feast” -  I guess crossing the busiest intersection in Charlottesville and a 10 minute walk counts as “just off.”  We love Feast, don’t get us wrong. What about all the dining on the mall?

4.   “street mimes” – Maybe I’m blind, but I haven’t seem a mime on the mall in a long time.

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Virginia Tourism will be at Charlottesville’s The Paramount Theater on Thursday, August 21 from 9:00 AM to 4:00 PM to meet Charlottesville businesses that benefit from tourism. Their intended goal is to “drive business to every restaurant, retail shop, lodging, event and attraction that is visitor-friendly.”  They are in town to do one on one meetings with you.

They wanted us to let you know the details.  I have more detailed information after the break..

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