[Photo: Jean Seberg, who played the title role in "Lilith," and my long-time "girl crush."]
I’ve always thought it would neat to get to write my own obituary. In much the same spirit that many create lists of goals they want to accomplish in their life, over time, I’ve applied the same ambition and perseverance to creating a list of things I do not want as my cause of death.
Falling off a mountain is just terrifying to me. Should you ever hike to the top of the mountain with me, do not make me go to the actual top of the mountain. I hate ski lifts, too. (Ironically, I’ve jumped out of an airplane!) Bugs and snakes and frogs should not be in my obit, not because of any fear or aversion, but because I think that if a living thing is going to be the end of me, it should be as big as or bigger than me. If an iguana is the death of me, lie. Say it was a dinosaur—I’ve always been quite fond of the stegosaurus.
I’m dead. It’s the least you can do.
For the record, I’m not really going anywhere—I’ll still be addicted to cVillain.com, pressing “refresh” on the homepage at 3 in the morning. I may still drop in. But this has to stop—for me, for now.
I approached Thor and parlie late last week, and they agreed to let me decide my fate. Now, without further ado, this is how I wish to be honored, and I’d like to say some proper goodbyes first.
To Charlottesville journalists.
I have a lot of respect for what you do, because I’ve been paid to do what you do before. For the record, I read C-VILLE and The Hook almost cover-to-cover in print every Tuesday and Thursday. I rarely make plans on Tuesday or Thursdays, because those are my “dinner and a newsweekly (and crossword)” nights. In particular, I enjoy reading J. Tobias Beard, Brendan Fitzgerald, Brian McNeill, Courteney Stuart, John Ruscher, and Lindsay Barnes. I love “The Working Pour” and “What’s in your backpack?” features—crossing my fingers for Brideshead Revisited or an empty condom wrapper—and I don’t miss “Dissertations we’ll never read.” I do miss the “Blind Date Challenge.” And I really miss a time when I didn’t feel like I was competing with anyone. To the Daily Progress, I’m so glad that being “lilith” has me reading you every day, too, and I will continue to do so even when I’m not trolling for content. To all: give Thor credit when he deserves it. He’s a Greek god, but I assure you, he’s only making this look this easy. To be quite honest, he’s one of the most bright, genuine men you can find in this city. I feel like I am letting him down right now.
To Charlottesville foodies.
There are so many of us. It’s remarkable, and kind of weird. As a dying wish, I ask that you choose a handle and write if you have not yet. I think it was TheUpstart’s review of Maya that first established the site’s authority with food. In “Guns, cherries, corks, and all the news that popped in 2007,” my year in review, I wrote, “TheUpstart defines how cVillain.com does what a print medium can not: as an anonymous community member, she can speak openly about her experience as a diner at a restaurant, as soon as it opens, with a critical view unbiased by advertising revenue or personal income.” It is one of the hallmarks of the site, and it is my favorite. (Oh God. I’m starting to sound like a Hallmark card.)
To that end, I offer some advice.
If you want something your way, ask for it—you’ll probably get it. It’s okay to ask to be seated at a better table, or to send your martini back to have it chilled. Yes, I like it done right the first time, too, but unless I’m paying to be served a salmon that was headed up a stream in Oregon earlier that day by a professional server, flaws are de rigueur.
Assess the big picture by observing the little things. Sweat at the server’s hairline after he takes three tables’ drink orders in a row? He’s been “triple-sat,” and he’s doing his best. Your steak is no longer steaming when it arrives at the table? Good—it’s supposed to breathe for several minutes when it comes off the heat. Mashed potatoes have the consistency of gravy? They’re probably instant. But when you’re writing about it, you can’t assume. If you think the peas in your vegetable medley came from a Costco 10-pound bag, I recommend seeing the walk-in freezer before writing about it—and stopping to ask yourself if it has really ruined your meal. This blog has a lot of power.
And for the record, I eat a lot of food from cans and plastic pouches.
To Charlottesville restaurants.
Tough crowd. To that, I borrow from parlie when I say welcome to the internet. Honestly, the expectations are almost unrealistically high here—especially mine—I am genuinely spoiled. But not by big cities.
By Charlottesville.
Not long ago, I ordered tempura avocado at one of Nobu’s now numerous metropolis chains. Two fried avocado quarters arrived plain on a white salad plate, with a bland soy miso sauce, badly in need of salt. I missed Ten’s tempura leaf garnish and crema drizzle. This is not unusual. I’ve never had a meal that was not perfectly timed at Zocalo or OXO. I was recently on the phone with a friend, trying to describe why C&O’s bread is the best I’ve ever had. And that’s free. Mas has probably not had a slow night in its five years, and that is the most exciting food in this city. Charlottesville sets the bar for me, and it’s high. At times, I’ve felt badly about pointing out faults because one of the many things I love about our city is that it celebrates the new and different. Why stifle that?
It has been 11 months. If nothing else, restauranteurs, you’ve learned what turns this diner on. I’ll try to sum up. (How am I doing on time? Five minute warning?)
I think there a lot of first impressions to get through, some more important than others.
Your exterior is my first impression of your restaurant, and your host’s decorum is my first impression of your service. Your plating is my first impression of the food’s taste, and it’s one of the more lasting first impressions. I imagine presentation is frustrating to chefs. You’re serving a terrine containing a large (expensive) quantity of a free-range organic-fed duck that has taken hours to prepare (and half collapsed in the transfer to the cutting board!), with a coulis that has been reduced six times, and yet the diner will “ooh” and “ahh” over the lovely leaf that took you less than 2 seconds to place on the edge. Also, it’s okay to touch my food (with a clean finger) to make sure it’s hot when it gets to me. In fact, would you please do so? Ten’s last impression is worth emulating—a Gearhart chocolate? Oh my.
A more important impression is made even before I choose a restaurant. When I travel, I will not go to a restaurant that does not have a website. Buy your domain and pay a student designer—they are eager for experience and, more importantly, cheap!
—What, am I supposed to trust a blog or something?
To cVillains.
My friends and family tell me they love my transparency. To be honest, I miss it. I’m putting “lilith” down because I’m coming to define myself by the persona. My anonymity was cracked last year and has remained cracked. Inevitably, my objectivity is slipping through the cracks. So is my time. So is my ability to enjoy almost any activity, meal, trend, and even friendship in Charlottesville without experiencing it as a future post. And it’s a very vulnerable, exposed position to be in, to lose sleep wondering when my turn will come to be the gossip.
But I am lucky. “Lilith” mattered because you cared, and for that, I thank you. And let’s be honest—I’ve loved the attention.
To the next female lead.
I’ve heard about me before. One friend named a couple of names of well-known women in the social scene in the city who he suspected were writing under the pseudonym. At the time, I was so flattered. “They are so pretty! And thin!” I gushed, almost hoping it would be one of them. (Oh wait.) A very good friend said he’d heard of the site, and that Lilith must have spies, because she knows so much. I was so flattered, again! I don’t really have spies. I can’t afford them. When I did come out to a few people, the response was, without fail, disappointment. I don’t know if it’s because I’m socially awkward (what does the expression “like pulling teeth” mean?) or because the mystery was gone, but I hoped for the latter. I will say, though, that when I’ve asked friends, “How was the scene this weekend?” I was not just making conversation.
Someone will replace me. I’ve submitted some requests to DeParis/Redinger for replacements. You know who you are.
A few words of advice. First: all or nothing—everyone knows who you are, or no one knows who you are. Not so much “in-the-know” as “need-to-know.” Pick it and stick with it. I don’t recommend posting your personal life, be it dating or work. I have honestly not been in a committed relationship in all 11 months, so it hasn’t been an issue, and I think the single perspective needs to be voiced here—if not for the content then for the sheer sex intrigue with our mostly male commenters. I’d love to see more posts and comments about office culture, but I’m betting it’s a no-no on a gossip website people predominantly use at work to avoid doing work. I could be way off, but.
Beyond that, just be yourself! I hope being yourself means, you know, sounding smart. Like, you could be someone who knows current events and popular culture and links to relevant stories. And I hope you have a sense of humor, sometimes bathroom humor, sometimes IT humor—what are your thoughts on puns? Those would be super. And maybe, being yourself, you could try to sound relaxed, nonjudgmental, and non-accusatory, especially when you’re personally offended. You could even make it a safe place for new commenters by, for example, welcoming people to the party with nacho dip or Belgian beer. You could even—in real life—drink Belgian beer and red zinfandel (and sometimes Bud Lite and box wine), and also like truffle oil a lot. But like I said, be yourself. Have you ever danced on elevated surfaces? It’s quite easy, really. Do you have a nice ass? Just a thought. And its vs. it’s and their vs. they’re, possessive vs. contraction—do you feel comfortable with those? If this is you, this is so perfect.
The end.
Okay. I think I’m ready to go now. Deep breath.
I died happy, temporarily, on the internet.
Related posts:
- Charlottesville Mentioned in the Wall Street Journal
- Goodbye OXO
- Picking Your Battles: Goodbye cVillain
Lilith! Noooooooo! Well, every death needs a wake. I’ll buy you a nice tastey adult beverage when next I see you.
Godspeed lilth, as you leave this name and prepare to be re-born as a new cvillain Phoenix; please remember “you can come home again”. Of course the furniture will be rearranged, some of your photos will be put away and your bedroom is now the guest room but it will still be home.
When I told you I could not date someone that runs a blog I was just kidding……..jeez, come back
you are still my numba one ecrush. you know where to find me.
Is she finally gone?
Ok, I just horked a space bag and Im ready to kick some ass!
Bring it.
If there were some phrase exactly the opposite of “welcome to the internet”—opposite in the sense that it commemorated your “departure” but also opposite in the sense of being earnest rather than snarky—I’d say that phrase to you now. Alas, such a phrase does not, to my knowledge exist. So I’ll just say thanks. You’ve helped to create something very special here.
If there were some phrase…
Welcome to the int +++[AZT LOST CARRIER]+++
Wait, what? No. Sorry, but no. I am sure I will at some point work up to graciousness, but right now I think I’m somewhere between denial and sadness.
Horker? I hardly knew her….
Congrats! I think it takes a smart person to recognize that their side project is becoming bigger than the rest of their life. It must be so satisfying to create such a successful site and know that you can step back without it being hurt. You deserve a break after all the work you’ve done over the past year.
Ok, I just horked a space bag and Im ready to kick some ass!
/can’t stop giggling
//has a towel
I adore you.
Oh, Lilith, we’ll miss you. Despite the name, I *love* Belgian beer……..if I run into you someplace I’ll buy you one, or at least a PBR.
Happy trails, lilith.
damnit. this is going to turn into a frat house without you.
lilith, i think i speak for everyone around here when I say we all truly appreciate all the hard work you put in around here. i hope you know your efforts here at cvillain have been an integral part of me not losing my mind at work. they have also been an integral part of me losing my shit laughing so hard after coming home drunk. thank you lilith…we will miss you terribly.
wherever the internet may take you next, don’t forget to bring a towel.
lillith – I fully understand needing a break from your position here. Seeing how much the cVillain has changed my Charlottesville experience in the past month, I can only imagine how it’s shaped yours. I wish you the peace, comfort and the ability to enjoy your life, without having to worry about being placed beneath the microscope. Take a vacation, go for a country drive, relax in a spa and revel in your new found freedom, you deserve it! Most of all, come back and visit or I will be forced to hunt you down, cream pie in hand.
Congratulations! We’ll see ya on the outside.
What’s with all the whining?
Dip me in truffle oil and cover me with cheetohs, I’m here now! Im drunk by 8 am everyday and ready to review any hash house in this god-forsaken berg that you throw at me.
Let’s do this!
Lillith,
I was NOT disappointed when you came out to me. And no one else in our party was either. You a wonderful woman on and off the internet. Best of luck with your e-tox. I’ll see you around.
Silmo
just for the record silmo is right, when you came out to us, we were all like “Damn that’s one HOTT chick.” and then we took bets to see who you would make out with first.
You will be missed muchly, Lilith. Thanks for shaping this site, I am so glad to have wandered my way into this world you and Thor created. And I second Silmo’s assessment. I am not in any way, shape, or form disappointed by who you are away from the tubes. Excuse my momentary sappiness, but it’s been great to reconnect with you, and hope to continue to see you out in the real world often!
lilith: I sent you a time-sensitive email. did you get it?
Do I have to supply the Schlitz and Ants-on-a-Log now? Shit.
I’m so dumb. I just got it. This is not a mock obituary. You actually are leaving Cvillain. wow I’m dumb.
We’re all going to miss you Lil, godspeed, don’t get run over and don’t take any wooden nickels.
awww, lilith, i’ll miss you. you have my great thanks for getting this thing off the ground, but it’s good to know when to step back and let the beast fly itself.
cheers m’dear!
incidentally, you are leaving on March 14th – which is National Pi Day (and National Steak and a Blowjob Day apparently). Go get yourself a nice piece of pie.
3.141592 blah blah blah [deleted by Thor]
i might have forgotten to carry a 1 somewhere in there, but i have to get back to work.
(worst comment ever)
I totally read that as “let the breast fly itself.”
/needs more sleep
As someone who is a bit removed from the social scene cVillain has helped create (by my choice), I can say I greatly admire the tone of civility you have helped foster at this site. For those of us who are more on the outside looking in, you and Thor have created the big tent where all kinds of people can celebrate the oddities and eccentricities (not to mention eccentrics and oddballs) that Cville has to offer.
lilith…wow…high five bro. I feel like it’s the end of summer camp and the first parent has arrived to take somebody back home.
I didn’t even get to give you your first lesbian experience yet.
i can’t wait for my first lesbian experience.
Well, I can’t express enough gratitude for lilith. She has committed herself emotionally to this site. If cVillain were a baby, it would be hers.
I’m going to miss her; even though I know she’s still around. I am happy that she has more peace of mind and I know we will all miss you!
Lilith,
Thanks for shoutout! I’ve loved reading your posts over the last year or so. Very sorry to see ya go.
Respect,
McNeill
oh really parlie? well…i’ll be finished with a previous engagement tonight by about 10:15… Do you mind leftover steak?
“When I did come out to a few people, the response was, without fail, disappointment.”
For a smart girl, you really got that one all wrong
Stick your head in and say hi from time to time, ’cause absent that you’ll be missed something awful round here.
And perhaps we’ll run into each other on an elevated surface now and then as well?
When I did come out to a few people, the response was, without fail, disappointment.”
I agree with doof et all. False modesty does not become you.
I agree. Lilith is total cute-sexyness, with a side of adorable. All that and brains, too! Anyone who seemed disappointed was only jealous.
A tribute from the yo.
Godspeed.
B’Yo, that is perfect. Lilith, you need a framed copy.
That’s nice B Yo
aaahhhhh, Lilith! You’ve been a favorite of mine! Cute and smart, yeah. Hopefully, we’ll see more of you on the outside. ALLLLLLLLLLL the best! Take care of yourself cause u r gud!
Thanks thor (or mystery admin)!
Cheers, Lillith! You’ve been a great host. Go to bed and let someone else clean up.
who’s lilith?
XO
I’m concerned about the tasty treats and drinks… who is gonna hand em out?
Can you toss me one last shot of Patron chilled? pretty please?
In all honesty Lilith, I will miss your point of view and contributions. Thanks for your positive attitude and your focus on constructive comments rather than destructive criticisms. I admire that you, unlike others, haven’t hidden behind the veil of secrecy to say things you wouldn’t have the guts to say in person. I just hope that the site can keep an objective and positive perspective. Thanks for your contributions, and best of luck in whatever projects or goals you decide to pursue in the future. And don’t be a stranger!
Lilith was the voice of reason among the show runners, so the inmates have now officially taken over the asylum. Too bad…
Who’s gonna keep Thor in line now?
Parlie?
Ding Dong, the witch is dead…
Just kidding, Lil. I hope the readership doesn’t drop off as a result of your demise.
“May the wind always be on your back and the sun upon your face and may the winds of destiny carry you aloft to dance with the stars.”
I don’t know. My daily spankings are no more. Any suggestions?
cutting
self flagellation- it’s all the rage in Iraq, Shi’a Muslims perform self-flagellation to mourn the death of Hussain during Muharram.
I only suggested cutting because its popular with the kids… you gotta remain current or the next generation will bury you… and we can’t have that happen
/has no feet
Well, if you can find a steak and a girl…
silmo don’t eat the animals. good silmo.
Maybe if you give the girl the steak?
Best wishes lilith and good luck with any future endeavors.
ps: love that haircut on Jean in the pic ! Great shot.
Happy restaurant eating…
Lilith it has been real, have good fortune in the real real! You are wise & fun!
Or as Juno (named after another goddess) would say…
“so if you wanna burn yourself remember that I LOVE YOU
and if you wanna cut yourself remember that I LOVE YOU
and if you wanna kill yourself remember that I LOVE YOU
call me up before your dead, we can make some plans instead
send me an IM, i’ll be your friend”
A video for lilith: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a30E1UQrIPc
@43 cheetos straight outta the freezer! YUM!!!
Wait a second. I go away for 24 hours and my imaginary internet world suffers a loss that cannot be replaced? What the fuck? lilith, although we never met in person, your writing on this blog has been sincere, creative, and entertaining, and I’m certain it reflects the fact that you are a truly decent human being. Best of luck. We’ll all really miss your contributions.
i don’t understand this. Isn’t Lilith the owner/founder of this site? Just as the site gets a little traction/notriety/success she rides off into the proverbial internet sunset? That is silly.
i don’t understand this. Isn’t Lilith the owner/founder of this site
Yes she is. And that’s why this site doesn’t exist anymore. Trippy, huh?
I made it three whole days without a comment. I can do this!
I’m not writing under the influence. (You can tell if I am because I make zero sense, except for when I ask if anyone has a cigarette.) My St. P’s was Saturday, and I am so glad that camera did not record everything.
Just saying thanks. These comments meant a lot to me because you, yes you, have become friends to me and to each other. My “other” life is truly better as a result of this one.
And thanks for humoring me with the most verbose goodbye ever. “RIP lilith, brevity was never her strong point.” My family thought this sounded a little self-indulgent, to which I had to say, “Have you not been reading the site at all?” But there’s something humbling about it. Like spelling the word “trawling” wrong. I really hope someone enjoyed that. I should have fit in a 2 girls 1 cup reference. And if I’d just waited three days to write it, I could have told you that my truffle oil at home ate through industrial plastic wrap over a course of a month. I’m a little put off by it, to be honest, so I actually do not recommend it.
If today’s posts are any indications of what we have to look forward to, I am a happy villain.
/word to your spicy mother bear
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RCaUJN6MFrw
awesome doof.
With my arms stretched out I jump into the ‘Interweb’ to save you lilith, but lo!!! I am over a week late. The code has eaten you up…